On behalf of my brother...

[anachronistic]

who is having trouble with college because of his stupid ex girlfriend, I ask you guys which words might get him back on the right track.

First of all, he only has $400 left for the rest of the semester to live on, because he buys stupid shit.

Second of all, he is not allowed to join the army because he told them he was smoking marijuana.

Apparently he has been harrassing his ex girlfriend, bothering her, insisting they go back out, arguing with her about the relationship, doing things like throwing his cell phone at her car, and last night was the real kicker: he rode her bike all the way to a frat party last night in order to talk to her, and when a guy answered the door, he asked if his ex was there and the frat guy punched him in the face! Then he pulled out a knife and told him to do it again, and he was threatened that if he didn't leave, they'd call DPS. So he walked around in their yard for a bit and yelled something like "**** [name of the frat here]!!!" as loud as he could, grabbed her bike and started riding back. And then I guess like 50 people came out and were going to beat the **** out of him, and some frat guys got in a car and followed him flashing their brights at him while he was riding back, threw beer bottles at him (one nailed him in the head), and then they stopped and got out of the car, pulled him off his bike and started talking shit.

What a civilized way to handle a situation huh? I know my brother has issues, but man, that's one reason why I don't like frats or sororities.

What can I say that might put him on the right track? I told him he should come to my Uni, and he says that they probably have friends here. I told him that if they continue to harrass him, he can do something about it. I tried to convince him that my Uni is much better, but he just said something like "I just want to smoke weed the rest of my life..." I tried telling him that you can't just do that, and then he had to go because someone was calling him.

Do you think he is learning his lesson at all?

I can't just sit there on the phone and keep counseling him like I am. I can't be the ears that listen to my mother bicker and worry; I have a lot of work to do myself! I am trying to be there for my family, though. I always have to step in the situations like this because I have always been kind of a fatherly figure for my little brother.

[ecojeanne]

your brother and the frats were wrong....seriously in Ireland most people would have laughed at your brother if he came to a house party and made the commotion that he did...laughing at how pathetic he was.....serious anger problems on both sides there.....i guess he's young....we all do stupid things when we're young....he's your brother....let him off the hook....he obviously needs your support and brotherly advice

[anachronistic]

Hard as it is to give advice to people who don't want to hear it. Strange how when I get to my solution for him, during the conversation, that he always has to go.

My brother has a lot of guts to do what he did. He pulled a knife on a frat guy... knowingly enough, here, they probably have guns stored in the house. He is pathetic in a way though; that he can't let this cunt go and release her inner slut, and forget about her. He's obsessed with her I think. My mother told him to seek counseling, but nobody wants to hear that, you know.

[ecojeanne]

'counseling' thats the big no no word for angry people...it happens.....my brother had moments like that...all you can do is be there as much as you can and eventually it phases out....time is a great healer thankfully

[kitty001]

How old is he? Is he younger or older than you?

The way he's dealing with the break up is..insane. How long was he with this girl? Id be freaked out if my ex kept harassing me or threw things at my car or did anything violent like that. That kind of behavior is unacceptable and will not in any way bring her back.

Maybe you should ask him to list reasons he wants her back...perhaps that will make him realize he's letting his emotions get the best of him? This girl is not the be all, end all. He has to acknowlegde that.

[Charlie Boy II]

your brother and the frats were wrong....seriously in Ireland most people would have laughed at your brother if he came to a house party and made the commotion that he did...

yeah because the Irish hate a fight don't they.

[ecojeanne]

yeah because the Irish hate a fight don't they.

I've told you for the fifty-thousandth time, stop exaggerating.

[IndiReloaded]

Your brother is an Angry Teenager (or mbe young adult now, but same thing).

Based on your post, it seems he was (as us old farts used to call it) 'cruising for a bruising'. Looking for a fight, in other words.

Ultimately, he needs to be distracted from his trigger (this gal). But, as we have discussed before, when emotions go up, intellect goes down. For you to effectively help, LW, you need to let him vent his emotions. This can be simply listening, without giving advice (at least initially) or perhaps doing some physical activity with him. Do you two box? Or do some martial art? Sometimes, just beating the shit out of *something* (not someone) can help.

Then, once he's got some out of his system, you can make suggestions like 1) he get a part time job to increase his income, and 2) he go out & socialize to find a new girl.

Oh, and you might want to suggest to him that, in a college town, gossip travels. So, if he wants to ever have the chance of dating another girl, he should control himself better. Let him make the rest of the obvious connection to his behaviour.

Good luck, LW. Having had a sibling go through a difficult 'coming out' period, I feel for you. Do your best to relate w/o coming across as 'superior' tho. B/c that will only increase his stress & will not, ultmately, help him. You want him to feel comfortable coming to you.

Oh, and don't forget that, ultimately, its his life. You can only help so much. He has to want to help himself. Don't become your brother's codependent. You are NOT his keeper.

[anachronistic]

I've told you for the fifty-thousandth time, stop exaggerating.

Of course he's kidding around...your reaction is priceless...I am sure he fully expected it. But anyway, slag away It just shows how arrogant you are. You never get our jokes!

Hehehehehahahahaa

[Charlie Boy II]

I've told you for the fifty-thousandth time, stop exaggerating.

You are so dim. As in thick. As in low in the IQ.

[ecojeanne]

its so funny again....it was a joke.....again you're reactions ARE priceless...read it again hahaha

[Charlie Boy II]

.... hysterical.

[ecojeanne]

.... hysterical.

well ya didn't get it did ya.......haha 'fifty-thousandth' should have been a clue hahahhahahah


i guess i should start including j/k after i tell a joke for you guys hehe

[anachronistic]

Your brother is an Angry Teenager (or mbe young adult now, but same thing).

Based on your post, it seems he was (as us old farts used to call it) 'cruising for a bruising'. Looking for a fight, in other words.

Ultimately, he needs to be distracted from his trigger (this gal). But, as we have discussed before, when emotions go up, intellect goes down. For you to effectively help, LW, you need to let him vent his emotions. This can be simply listening, without giving advice (at least initially) or perhaps doing some physical activity with him. Do you two box? Or do some martial art? Sometimes, just beating the shit out of *something* (not someone) can help.

Then, once he's got some out of his system, you can make suggestions like 1) he get a part time job to increase his income, and 2) he go out & socialize to find a new girl.

Oh, and you might want to suggest to him that, in a college town, gossip travels. So, if he wants to ever have the chance of dating another girl, he should control himself better. Let him make the rest of the obvious connection to his behaviour.

Good luck, LW. Having had a sibling go through a difficult 'coming out' period, I feel for you. Do your best to relate w/o coming across as 'superior' tho. B/c that will only increase his stress & will not, ultmately, help him. You want him to feel comfortable coming to you.

Oh, and don't forget that, ultimately, its his life. You can only help so much. He has to want to help himself. Don't become your brother's codependent. You are NOT his keeper.

In a way, this thread is more about myself than it is him. Hehe, I know this term "cruisin for a bruisin" my grandfather always says that! Anyway, what I mean to say, is I have advised him already; I've told him how to go about the situation, more than once; you know... just forget about the bitch and move on and find another girl. It seems like no matter what I say, he doesn't get it through his thick skull. He is as persistent as Cain in a way!

They were together for 2 years, which is not really that long, but you know, long enough to be emotionally attached to someone to a good extent.

I am totally on his side. I listened to him on the phone today as he told me the story. Trying to side with him I told him that sucked, I asked him if he tried to defend himself, and stuff. He really has his tail between his legs right now. I think he's just recollecting it all at the moment; he's stopped reminiscing on the past and he's realizing that this girl has changed for the worse. His old druggy buddies aren't sticking up for him, and he is realizing that all the people in his old crowd are worthless clumps of shit, and that he needs to make better friends.

I am working on trying to communicate my thoughts better; packing the stones in the snowballs, so to speak. I am pretty much indirectly learning how to be a teacher from this situation. It's hard to get someone to realize the truth when they don't want to!!! It's time, though... if he doesn't straighten up now, he'll end up getting arrested for domestic violence, or harrassment or something. He's literally lost his mind over that girl. Gotta advise him so that he stays in school, continues to make the right decisions, and lives through the rest of the semester with his measily $400.

[IndiReloaded]

OMG, EJ... you are totally letting them ride you. Fight! Win, dahling...