How To Approach A Girl.

[Jastela]

Alright, im 17 first of all.
There is this girl that sits across from me in one my of classes, and she is pretty attractive.
Definately interested in getting to know her better.
I catch her looking at me/smiling at me some times, and we have caught eye contact a few times.
I want to go talk to her, but I dont know how to go about this.
Its the initial part that I struggle with, once we get talking it would be fine.

And I dont know anyone that knows her, nor is it an option to talk about the class. Any suggestions? And how to get her number?

[debris]

Two steps.

Participate in class to make you look like you're interesting, smart and you'll stand out a bit so she notices you.

Set things up so you accidentally run into her after class, "Hey! Aren't you in my class?" introduce yourself, then it's easy from there.

It gets easier to meet girls in class once you're in college since you really have no assigned seats and can choose to sit next to them, haha.

[Jastela]

Thats true.
I think shes somewhat attracted to me, but is shy.
As for getting her number, should I just talk to her for 5-10min and then say something like "hey, ive gotta go, can I get your number?"
Any tips are appreciated, I just need to build up a bit more confidence to get this going. Initially starting the conversation will be the hardest.

[blackzj52]

go for it dude. just simply introduce urself say something like hey wanna hang out sometimes? and ask for her number.

[Only-virgins]

"Hey wanna hang out sometimes? can I have your number?"

LOL! sorry dude, that is to funny by itself....and weird.




TS: Why don't you start off with a small flirt? See what her reaction is. What is important is that you pay attention to her body language and reaction.

[Roberto84]

Why don't you start by just saying hi and the rest is easy presumably. If she is interested in you she will keep talking to you in somewhat.

[blackzj52]

"Hey wanna hang out sometimes? can I have your number?"

LOL! sorry dude, that is to funny by itself....and weird.




TS: Why don't you start off with a small flirt? See what her reaction is. What is important is that you pay attention to her body language and reaction.

its worked a couple times for me

[NeoSeminole]

Jastela, approach her after class and introduce yourself. This shouldn't be difficult since she already smiles at you. Keep your conversation brief. I recommend no more than 2-3 min. max. The less she knows about you, the better.

"hi, my name is _____."

then she says her name. Shake her hand.

"How do you like (name of school)? What classes are you taking? etc"

find something you both like or dislike and talk about that. One of the best ways to instantly hit it off with a person is to agree on something.

"well, it was nice talking to you _____. I need to get going to my next class. We should hang out sometime."

girls love it when you remember their name. It shows you actually pay attention. By taking control of the conversation and you cutting it short instead of her, it makes you look more important. Purposely don't ask for her number at the end. Two reasons: 1) if she is interested, then she will give you her number 2) she will be expecting it b/c that's what every other guy would do. You need to stand out from everyone else. It will make her more attracted to you.

[GrkScorp]

What Neo is suggesting might seem simple.., and the thought inside your head might be.., "that's it? really? what about some magic line? spell? voodoo? this would never work!".., but believe it or not.., it's very smooth and effective..

In sales.., the worst thing to do is try and sell something from your point of view.., you always have to go into the point of view of the buyer (her)..

Ask yourself this question.., (give this some serious thought).., If you were her.., and you really liked some guy in the class.., what would you do so that you could start dating him?

Go ahead.., think about it..

Well? ... Nothing huh?

Consider this now.., what if this guy suddenly came up to you.., and handed you a chance.., a rope.., an opportunity to start getting the ball rolling.., ANYTHING! It doesn't matter.., "sup?" or "were you listening when she was talking about ___? did you take notes on it? do you mind if I copy them after class? thanks.. I just focus on some things the teacher talks about sometimes and I end up lost in thought here and there.., and before you know it.., it seems like I skipped over 10 minutes of class.. have you ever had that happen do you?"

What would you do? Wouldn't you at least be excited? Wouldn't you feel a sense of relief that he did all the work and took away all that anxiety and pressure from how YOU are going to make things happen?

This is your gift to.., not just her.., but to all girls.. You have the ability to take away that anxiety and pressure.. You can escalate and make things progress.., you can set the pace.., and make it easy for her.., where all she has to do is follow..

Warning:

Women are the opposite of politicians..

If a politician says "YES".., he means "maybe".., if he says "MAYBE".., he means "no".., and if he says "NO".., then he feels like a bad politician..

If a woman says "NO".., she means "maybe".., if she says "MAYBE".., she means "yes".., and if she says "yes".., then she feels like a bad woman.., (i.e. "cheap".., "desperate".., "easy".., "slutty".., or as if she is projecting the message to everyone else including you that she likes you more than you like her)

It's a tragedy for both of you when your frame is too strong.., when you phrase things in such a way that it creates a lot of pressure.., and doesn't afford her any good excuse to deny to herself and her friends that "oh no.., we're not going out on a date.., he just wants me to show him the park next to his house".. When you ignore her comfort and place her in a high-pressure situation because you think it's the confident and honest thing to do.., then you've carelessly put her in the difficult (yes/no) dichotomy position.., whereby she "wants" to say "yes".., but saying it would make her feel and look (cheap, desperate, easy, slutty, etc).., so she's "forced" to say "no"..

So you have to structure your rope (like Neo already has) in such a way that you're simply "handing her the opportunity for her to grab on to".., but never "pressuring her to grab hold of the rope"..

In other words.., it's a "soft sell".., not a "hard sell".. At least at your age range.., If you start thinking about women in their 30's.., they're fed up with this childish indirect bullsh*t.., some of them might even feel insulted you think they wouldn't be able to handle a direct approach.., some of them might see it as you being dishonest or nervous instead of just trying to make them feel comfortable and ease any pressure.. (worry about that when the times comes)

Your biggest concern as of now is not "how you're going to get the ball rolling".., but..

1. Am I attractive to people who notice me? How can I improve this?
2. How will I get her to notice me

and then..

3. How will I get the ball rolling?

If you have the looks.., and you have a couple of other girls in the class talking about you who think you're cute.., then for all practical purposes.., you can ignore steps 1 & 2.. Because you'll fly by them anyway..

But if you don't think you're the type of person who can just fly by steps 1 & 2.., if you don't think your looks alone can take you directly to step 3.., then you might want to consider asking yourself a different question..

[Henry123]

What Neo is suggesting might seem simple.., and the thought inside your head might be.., "that's it? really? what about some magic line? spell? voodoo? this would never work!".., but believe it or not.., it's very smooth and effective..

In sales.., the worst thing to do is try and sell something from your point of view.., you always have to go into the point of view of the buyer (her)..

Ask yourself this question.., (give this some serious thought).., If you were her.., and you really liked some guy in the class.., what would you do so that you could start dating him?

Go ahead.., think about it..

Well? ... Nothing huh?

Consider this now.., what if this guy suddenly came up to you.., and handed you a chance.., a rope.., an opportunity to start getting the ball rolling.., ANYTHING! It doesn't matter.., "sup?" or "were you listening when she was talking about ___? did you take notes on it? do you mind if I copy them after class? thanks.. I just focus on some things the teacher talks about sometimes and I end up lost in thought here and there.., and before you know it.., it seems like I skipped over 10 minutes of class.. have you ever had that happen do you?"

What would you do? Wouldn't you at least be excited? Wouldn't you feel a sense of relief that he did all the work and took away all that anxiety and pressure from how YOU are going to make things happen?

This is your gift to.., not just her.., but to all girls.. You have the ability to take away that anxiety and pressure.. You can escalate and make things progress.., you can set the pace.., and make it easy for her.., where all she has to do is follow..

Warning:

Women are the opposite of politicians..

If a politician says "YES".., he means "maybe".., if he says "MAYBE".., he means "no".., and if he says "NO".., then he feels like a bad politician..

If a woman says "NO".., she means "maybe".., if she says "MAYBE".., she means "yes".., and if she says "yes".., then she feels like a bad woman.., (i.e. "cheap".., "desperate".., "easy".., "slutty".., or as if she is projecting the message to everyone else including you that she likes you more than you like her)

It's a tragedy for both of you when your frame is too strong.., when you phrase things in such a way that it creates a lot of pressure.., and doesn't afford her any good excuse to deny to herself and her friends that "oh no.., we're not going out on a date.., he just wants me to show him the park next to his house".. When you ignore her comfort and place her in a high-pressure situation because you think it's the confident and honest thing to do.., then you've carelessly put her in the difficult (yes/no) dichotomy position.., whereby she "wants" to say "yes".., but saying it would make her feel and look (cheap, desperate, easy, slutty, etc).., so she's "forced" to say "no"..

So you have to structure your rope (like Neo already has) in such a way that you're simply "handing her the opportunity for her to grab on to".., but never "pressuring her to grab hold of the rope"..

In other words.., it's a "soft sell".., not a "hard sell".. At least at your age range.., If you start thinking about women in their 30's.., they're fed up with this childish indirect bullsh*t.., some of them might even feel insulted you think they wouldn't be able to handle a direct approach.., some of them might see it as you being dishonest or nervous instead of just trying to make them feel comfortable and ease any pressure.. (worry about that when the times comes)

Your biggest concern as of now is not "how you're going to get the ball rolling".., but..

1. Am I attractive to people who notice me? How can I improve this?
2. How will I get her to notice me

and then..

3. How will I get the ball rolling?

If you have the looks.., and you have a couple of other girls in the class talking about you who think you're cute.., then for all practical purposes.., you can ignore steps 1 & 2.. Because you'll fly by them anyway..

But if you don't think you're the type of person who can just fly by steps 1 & 2.., if you don't think your looks alone can take you directly to step 3.., then you might want to consider asking yourself a different question..

For a bigger challenge.
Now how would one do it to a complete stranger on the street. Like you spot her walking or like waiting for the lights to change and you spot a cute girl or sitting in a crowded bus???

[Jastela]

This topic is great for information I was looking for
Im thinking ill talk to her on monday after class.
I almost feel like I should ask for her number though, even though what you are saying about not asking for it makes sense.
Because IF she was interested when I said we should hang out sometime, she would give me her number.
Hmm.

[tequierocb]

Don't ask her for her number yet! U crazy?
You'll run out of things to say and u'll be in that creepy silence!
Get her IM/MSN/ICQ/SKYPE and just chat with her online.... its way easier.... then you ask for her number!!

So just walk up to her! She won't bite.... just make sure you do it at the right moment.... during class notice her, see if she struggles with anything or in the hall... just approach her and say hey! that you are from her class and that you noticed her.... ask her if she likes your teacher..... if she likes the subject....stuff like that!
Cmon you can do it!

[GrkScorp]

I almost feel like I should ask for her number though, even though what you are saying about not asking for it makes sense.
Because IF she was interested when I said we should hang out sometime, she would give me her number.

Not to bash Neo's advice.., but to simply add to it again..

I want you to picture a "half circle"..

On the left-most side.., are girls.., girls who are young and inexperienced.., some have had a boyfriend.., others.., believe it or not.., are still virgins..

On the top-middle part of the circle.., are teens and 20y/o girls who you can easily label "sophomores".. They've had their first taste of relationships and sex.., they've got their feet wet in the dating game.., and along with that follows guilt! Guilt you wouldn't understand unless you were a woman.. The guilt of not being pure anymore.. Remember.., image.., reputation.., character.., dignity and respect all matter to a woman..

On the right-most half of the circle.., are your women.., lower 20's and 30+.. It's safe to assume they've been around.., don't waste your time asking how many people she's been with.. (1) because you don't want to know.., (2) because no matter how many it is.., she'll always give you a number somewhere between 2-4.. Despite being a fan of a more direct.., less childish bullsh*t approach.., they also want to hold onto their respect and dignity.. They might be older.., they might not be the hot babe they once were.., but they still want to feel chased.., desired.., and wanted.. Even if she really likes you.., she doesn't want to feel or seem desperate and give you her number.. You HAVE to ask for it.., or else you're not getting it.., purely out of pride on her part.. One person has to put their delicate ego aside on this one.., and that person has to be you..

Despite stratifying the different categories by age.., age has very little to do with it.. That's like measuring education as a proxy for success.. Guess what.., education has a self-selecting sample of intelligent people.., who are.., well.., intelligent.. In this case.., age tends to have a self-selecting sample of experience.. You may find that a woman in her 30's is actually a freshman! You may also find that a woman in her teens is a senior! Just a matter of knowing where each woman figures into..

Number closes can work directly or indirectly.., but they'll never work by you doing "nothing".. If you don't give her the luxury of a direct #-close.., then at least provide a comfortable medium for an indirect #-close..

Indirect Example: (e-mail)

Pierce: I'll be in the city this Friday, because I have an interview to go to in the morning. If you're not too busy on Friday, why don't we meet up later? Have you ever been to Lanterna?

Jessica: So this is my plan for Friday, I have classes until 6, then I'm heading to Astoria to pick up my car and head to Long Island because a friend of mine is having a get-together that night. But, I can meet up with you for a while before I go. Will you still be in the city around 6? If not, do you want to meet up in Astoria? Have you ever been to the cafes on 30th ave?
I've been to Laterna a couple of times...I really like it! But it's better to go there evening hours when there is music... we should definitely plan that some other time!
If Friday doesn't work out for you, we can always do something next week! Let me know...

Pierce: I'll probably be done before 12 with the interview. I go to the cafes on 30th all the time! We'll meet up in Astoria after 6. Just let me know which cafe you have in mind! See you on Friday Jess..

Jessica: Ok, how about we meet at Avenue at 6?

Take my cell # (###)-###-#### and text me yours tomorrow so that we can find each other...
I won't have access to my computer most of the day...

See You Tomorrow!
___________________________________

I want you to notice everything that's going on here.. "subcommunication"..

It all boils down to diplomacy.., as my father told me when I was starting out as a Real Estate agent.., "diplomacy is the art of telling someone to go to hell.., in such a way that they can't wait for the trip!"

The indirect approach is an art form.., you should have fun with it.., there's really no pressure.., because if worse comes to worst.., you can just switch over to a more direct approach.. But the indirect approach allows you to gauge a lot of things about the other person.. (i.e. experience.., self esteem.., honesty.., interest.., motives.., etc)

Analysis:

Pierce starts off with a "no-bullsh*t" strait to the point opening after just meeting this girl for one night and having a 30 minute conversation with her.., exchanging e-mails.. He provides a reason why he'll be in the city (where she lives) and offers a very clear suggestion.., with a pretty obvious rope for her to grab onto..

Jessica has diarrhea of the mouth.., she likes Pierce.., is a bit inexperienced.., and is getting nervous but not trying to show it.. She throws ropes his way like they're on sale.., giving him plenty of chances and options.. If not in the city.., then in Astoria.., if not in Astoria.., then back in the city some other time.., if not there.., then maybe something next week! If Pierce is an idiot (don't laugh.., because I've had guys tell me this) he may think "she's not interested.., she doesn't want to go to Lanterna and is making excuses".. But Pierce has been around the block.., he "gets it".., and appreciates her openness.. and thinks her getting nervous but trying to hide it is cute..

Pierce CAN act on the opening here.. to ask for her number.., "why don't you give me your number so I know which cafe' you're going to be at".., but he doesn't.. Remember! Not because he's playing games! He does it because she's inexperienced and nervous.., he wants to make her comfortable and slow down the pace.., he doesn't want to pressure her! So he leaves the ball in her court as a courtesy to her.. He takes command and "tells" her where they are going to meet.., but still leaves her some choice.., letting her pick the cafe' she and her friends want to go to.. He ends by offering her a medium for her to give him her number!

Jessica jumps on the opportunity.., telegraphing to Pierce that she's not one to act coy or play games.., she just earned points.., and she ended to message with an excuse as to why she gave him her number.., "because she won't have access to a computer" and in case they can't find each other in an 800 sq.ft. cafe!

Note: If Pierce would've miscalibrated.., and placed Jessica in the "wrong type".., he may have mistakenly tried to go for an direct approach or hybrid.. If he would have done that.., one of two things or both may have happened..

1. She felt too much pressure.., and simply felt "no" to be a more comfortable answer.., even though she really wanted to say "yes"..

2. Pierce would never get valuable information to confirm his assumption about her type.., he would never see her getting nervous.., trying to hide it.., showing interest.., and not acting coy or difficult.., she would have never earned points in his mind so early in the game..

But as of now.., Pierce has a date this Friday..

[GrkScorp]

Now how would one do it to a complete stranger on the street. Like you spot her walking or like waiting for the lights to change and you spot a cute girl or sitting in a crowded bus???

There's a wealth of literature on this.., but I suspect you're looking in the wrong places..

- Marketing (Management & Strategy)
- Consumer Behavior
- Organizational Behavior
- Behavioral Economics & Finance
- Advertising & Sales (Persuasion & Promotion)

"How do we market a product or service to complete strangers?"

"How do we grab hold of their interest?"

"How do we engage their curiosity and make them want to know more?"

"How do we get them even more interested and maintain that interest?"

"How do we set ourselves apart from the rest of the market?" (Blue Ocean Strategy)

"How do we motivate a buyer and translate that into a sale?"
__________________________________________________ ______________________

Now.., is the dating market really any different?

Think of yourself as a commodity.. a portfolio of assets.., human capital.., and qualities.. That's who you are.., and there's a marketplace you can sell yourself in exchange for an other commodity.., There is a certain demand for your portfolio of assets based on evolutionary biology.., social engineering and cultural practices..

Despite what you may have been lead to believe by an American media that uses "sex" to sell.. This tends to determine the survival rate of offspring..

Erotic & Physical Capital: 20%
Emotional & Intellectual Capital: 30%
Financial & Social Capital: 50%

Now.., fortunately for women.., we live in a hypersexualized culture where from a very young age.., men are conditioned to think of women as sex objects.. This becomes their life-long meta-model for how they respond to very attractive women.. Which means.., that men will ignore a woman's Financial & Social Capital value.., place less emphasis on her Emotional & Intellectual Capital value.., and focus on her Erotic & Physical Capital value.. Making the revealed preferences of men look something like:

Erotic & Physical Capital: 90%
Emotional & Intellectual Capital: 10%
Financial & Social Capital: Who cares?

Eventually.., after a guy gives in to all the advertising and marketing.., somewhere around his 4th or 6th girl he realizes that they're all pretty much the same.., whether she's screaming or silent.., moving or still.., hot or normal.., it doesn't make a difference for his d*ck.., it still feels the same.. So he starts to wonder.., "sex is not all it's cut out to be.., so what am I REALLY looking for?".., that's when the light dawns on his male mind.., "children.., family.., marriage".. His preferences for commodities on the dating market change..

Erotic & Physical Capital: 50% (Hey.., it's a HUGE decrease)
Emotional & Intellectual Capital: 40%
Financial & Social Capital: 10% (Mostly.., he doesn't want to marry someone everyone else has slept with)

So now that you have an idea about the preferences.., you can start to think about a couple of things..

Guys talking about a girl he's interested in to his friends:

- She's so thin and in shape
- She dresses really sexy
- She's got the whole T & A package
- Supermodel legs and blow-job lips
- These amazing eyes and her soft voice
- Ugh.., and she's normal! No drama!

(Dude.., that's awesome.., sounds like a keeper)

Girls talking about a guy she's interested in to her friends:

- He's really really cute
- He takes care of himself and knows how to dress well
- His parents are loaded! Their net asset value is close to $30 million.., I asked the bank for financial statements..
- Yeah.., plus he's an attorney.., making 6 figures a year!
- Has his own car and place.., plus a vacation home in the Hamptons!
- And he's ok.., I guess he's nice and all

(Ugh! You're so lucky!)

[agatha]

Be friendly.
Be nice.
Be approachable.

Say hi to her.
Introduce to yourself .
Tell her that you want to have friends
thats why you approach her.