Hatred

[Junket]

There is no friendship to salvage, so don't bother.

You'd be telling someone else the same thing.

[IndiReloaded]

Your odds of salvaging friendship with this fruitcake isn't too good, and if you do, chances are you won't find it as rewarding as you thought it would be.

Totally. Why would anyone want to be friends with a person who would do & say the things she has?

She *told* you she is happier with this other guy. And you actually took that hit w/o calling her on it, I suspect. That is incredibly insulting, Cain. You should have more self-respect. Friends don't say things like that to each other. Nor do they break up on a pretext when they really want to be playing the field.

I would actually be more optimistic about a possible future friendship if this gal was actually honest w/you about the reasons for your breakup AND if she was the one to actually stick to No Contact.

That would at least mean she's not trying to drag you through the muck. If she was a true friend, she would remove her claws from your poor confused heart.

THIS GAL IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. Wake the hell up, Cain & listen to what everyone here is telling you. Planning to contact this gal at xmas is NOT what it means to do NC. That is just a way of delaying gratification so you can count down the days to when you get your next opium shot.

NC means that you do not contact her at all. Ever. If she contacts you, ignore it. At least until you are certain you are completely over her. Which usually means you find someone else first. What you are suggesting is like an alcoholic saying he'll 'just have one drink'. And we all know that's not how addictions work.

*kiss* Look after yourself, hun. Its not easy, I know, but its for the best. Trust those of us who have been there.

[lesa]

I remember a conversation we had about unconditional love.

Do you now believe in a sort of unconditional love, Cain?

[Junket]

This is NOT unconditional love.

AT ALL.

[Cain]

I remember a conversation we had about unconditional love.

Do you now believe in a sort of unconditional love, Cain?

No, I don't believe in unconditional love.

At times, I wish she had cheated on me. I know some of you might assume she did, but I will never know.

Anyways, I've thought about something else tonight that will help me move on without the closure. It's the following thought:

It's not what the reason, it's that it happened.

I don't know if that makes any sense to you all, but basically, I shouldn't be looking for the reason for all of this happening. The fact that it happened should be enough to get me to get over her.

With no contact for four months, I'll be over her. She'll always have a place in my heart, but I'll be over her.

[IndiReloaded]

It's not what the reason, it's that it happened.

I don't know if that makes any sense to you all.

This makes total, complete sense Cain. Good for you.

[Cain]

This makes total, complete sense Cain. Good for you.

Don't get me wrong. I would still love for us to get back together. But like I've said, a few things have to happen before that happened. If she did want me back, it wouldn't be until the distance was fixed and until we had gone to a therapist so the underlying problem could be fixed. I do still love her. I agree that she handled this break up the wrong way, but I do still love her.

One thing that someone told me yesterday was that she thinks that my ex might have been scared of the commitment. Not scared about being only with one guy, but scared to be moving like we were. It kind of makes a little sense since she told me that even if we did get back together, we shouldn't move in together because she doesn't think she's ready for that. What irritates me is that instead of talking to me about it, she broke it off, if that's even the reason. And once again, I wasn't the reason for it moving fast. It was both of us.

[IndiReloaded]

You are still looking for answers. Stop it.

What else is going on in your life? How is school? How are your patients? Your classmates? Are you enjoying things?

[Cain]

You are still looking for answers. Stop it.

What else is going on in your life? How is school? How are your patients? Your classmates? Are you enjoying things?

School is out and it's been out for several weeks and it won't be in again for another two. No school, no patients, no classmates.

Anyways, it's not so much that I'm searching for answers. I have an analytical personality and I tend to analyze whatever is on my mind.

I'm working on trying to get health care coverage so that I can go see a therapist once every week or two. I would like to figure out how to control my dreams because she's in them four or five nights per week. Three in a row as of last night.

[IndiReloaded]

Cain, I gotta go soon, but before I do perhaps this will help.

If you have an iPod and access to iTunes, try downloading some lectures to do with NLP. Or search the web (take it all w/a grain of salt, tho).

GrkScorp will have a good laugh to read I'm recommending this. To be clear, I think a lot of their 'people control' stuff is rubbish, but practioners do use some b-mod techniques that are grounded in actual psych research that might help.

You need to do something called 'anchoring', or retraining. There are specific techniques that can help you to get over this obsessive thinking about your ex. I've done this myself & it works.

Do a read about this (it will help w/your pysch nursing training besides) and try some of the simple exercises. If you are consistent, it will work, and it will compliment a therapist once you can afford one. Or, perhaps, make one unnecessary. Tho I think you have some other issues that would make a couple sessions worth your while.

Be happy.

[anachronistic]

Be happy, that's the best advice I have heard all day.

[survivor08]

Cain,

I haven't read the whole thread. So forgive me. Listen, Years ago, I met a girl who I took home one night had a great time and did not see her again for 3 years or so.

One night I came accross her at a bar, my friend and I took her and her best friend to our place to "hang out". I find out this chick (my new found hook up) was actually engaged...and said she had to call her fiance to check in. She did it from my bed. This is the shit people do to people who have no respect for their significant others, lye to them in their face.

Not saying that your ex girl is this way, not at all. But if others here think she is a calculating b$tch, I would be really cautious. Don't be a back up for this girl, don't be the guy on the other side of the phone call. You catch my drift? That is why I am taking the high road myself and screw the plan to get back with my ex at a future time...when she tampers with other men...realizes the grass is not always greener...forget it.

Not waiting around....

[Cain]

Cain,

I haven't read the whole thread. So forgive me. Listen, Years ago, I met a girl who I took home one night had a great time and did not see her again for 3 years or so.

One night I came accross her at a bar, my friend and I took her and her best friend to our place to "hang out". I find out this chick (my new found hook up) was actually engaged...and said she had to call her fiance to check in. She did it from my bed. This is the shit people do to people who have no respect for their significant others, lye to them in their face.

Not saying that your ex girl is this way, not at all. But if others here think she is a calculating b, I would be really cautious. Don't be a back up for this girl, don't be the guy on the other side of the phone call. You catch my drift? That is why I am taking the high road myself and screw the plan to get back with my ex at a future time...when she tampers with other men...realizes the grass is not always greener...forget it.

Not waiting around....

All I can do is speculate regarding this whole break up. As I've said in an earlier post, I'm definitely pissed that she handled things the way she did and that she didn't communicate any doubts she may have had. I don't, however, think I'm still making myself available as the plan B guy. I've already stated that I'm moving on and that I'm going to live my life. I don't see anything wrong with being willing to talk about things sometime in the future to see if we can figure out what went wrong and what needs to happen to fix it.

Maybe I'm not seeing it the way everyone else is. She doesn't have a lot of experience with relationships. She's had a couple that lasted a decent amount of time, but that's it. I've always had trouble staying interested in the women I've date. So maybe it's in our best interest to date around and see what happens. Maybe I'll date around and find out that my feelings for her weren't as strong as I thought. Maybe it'll reinforce my feelings for her. The same for her. Who knows anymore?

[anachronistic]

One night I came accross her at a bar, my friend and I took her and her best friend to our place to "hang out". I find out this chick (my new found hook up) was actually engaged...and said she had to call her fiance to check in. She did it from my bed. This is the shit people do to people who have no respect for their significant others, lye to them in their face.

Kind of hypocritical of you to say who has no respect, when you allow such a situation to happen.

Cain, if you ever get the opportunity to visit her ever again, make sure you take that dildo you molded from the shape of your penis, and load it with icy hot. All her other toys too. Take a shit, TP the bathroom, piss all over the seat, maybe in the sink, and put the seat up and hope she falls in.

[Cain]

Cain, if you ever get the opportunity to visit her ever again, make sure you take that dildo you molded from the shape of your penis, and load it with icy hot. All her other toys too. Take a shit, TP the bathroom, piss all over the seat, maybe in the sink, and put the seat up and hope she falls in.

Cause that's the first step into more visits, right?