Hatred

[Cain]

Hiya Cain, just for you hun. Just a quickie (hi all).

Be angry. I agree w/Fras completely on this. Others are asking you to be rational about something inherently emotional.

So long as its not *actually* destructive to her or you then rage away. Call her all kinds of nasty names into your pillow or here. Rip a pillow to shreds w/your teeth. Go pound the pavement, beat on some trees, curse to the heavens (in a private place).

You can't be sad if you are angry. Its a form of emotional release. Lots of ppl use anger as a way to get through otherwise uncontrollable situations. If it works for you better than crying away, then do it. Before you can process, you need to break those hormonal addiction patterns that you forged during your time together.

Once the emotions subside, and this will take time, THEN you can think better about what you've learned from this. Kubler-Ross' stages were originally designed as a tool for health care professionals to understand the grief process that bereaved ppl go through, its not generally meant to be used as a SELF-diagnosis tool, even if you are a nurse. Indeed, it cannot be for the reasons I mentioned. Remember: when emotions are up, then intellect goes down.

So, do what you must and be kind to yourself.

Take care, lovie, all will be well.

I'll get over this eventually.

I've already self-reflected. I know what I did wrong in this relationship and I know what I need to fix so that this doesn't happen with future relationships.

The relationship being broken up, however, is still her fault. There was never a time where we sat down and had a very serious talk about the relationship. What I mean is that she never sat me down one day and talked to me about the things she didn't like. She simply waited until she didn't want to be in this anymore and then just slammed the door in my face.

It still stuns me to think that two days before we broke up things were fine. She either didn't even think about breaking up at that time or she just wanted to toy with me, because her wording was exactly that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.

As of now, she claims she doesn't love me anymore, but that she just cares about me.

I call bullshit. She either didn't love me when we broke up or she still loves me now. You don't fall out of love with someone within three weeks.

[Charlie Boy II]

sometimes the level of emotion on this site makes me feel like I have autism or something.

[ecojeanne]

sometimes the level of emotion on this site makes me feel like I have autism or something.

lol! you and me both....are we heartless?

[Junket]

sometimes the level of emotion on this site makes me feel like I have autism or something.

Sometimes there's too much rationale on this site.

[Charlie Boy II]

I'm not against the emotion, I'm just saying I haven't experienced anything like that myself.... so I find it a bit hard to understand.

[lesa]

sometimes the level of emotion on this site makes me feel like I have autism or something.

lol I used to feel like I had autism. I finally found the emotional side of me.

On other note: I feel that some people break up when they give more than they receive and some break up when they receive more than they give...the attraction is not enough for them to stay. I do know a person like that.

[ecojeanne]

nah i am actually really emotional....i keep it bottled up....prob not the healthiest

[Junket]

You don't experience anger??

There are few emotions I love indulging in more!

[Charlie Boy II]

actually, come to think of it, I almost never get angry in real life. I get irritated by things and people sometimes, but it's not strong enough to call anger.

I'm guess I'm just not an emotional guy. It's not that I bottle things up either, I just don't experience strong emotions all that often. It's always driven my girlfriends mad.

[ecojeanne]

actually, come to think of it, I almost never get angry in real life. I get irritated by things and people sometimes, but it's not strong enough to call anger.

I'm guess I'm just not an emotional guy. It's not that I bottle things up either, I just don't experience strong emotions all that often. It's always driven my girlfriends mad.

you're a stone j/k hehe

[anachronistic]

Eventually you realize the only person you have the right to be angry with is yourself.

[Cain]

Eventually you realize the only person you have the right to be angry with is yourself.

Oh yeah? I'm definitely eager to get an explanation for your little opinion there.

[Cain]

True understanding comes out of experience, not explanation.

Instead of being angry and being filled with hatred, spend your time going over moments from the past where the outcome of situations went awry. Examine the things which went wrong, and don't point the finger out of blame; you'll see.

Despite whatever problems this girl had, it is you who carries the weight of fault. You fell in love, you decided to be with this girl, you wanted to marry her, you attached yourself to her. Whether she felt this way and you chased her away, or her feelings were completely fabricated, it does not matter; it is your fault that you didn't notice and act upon it fast enough. The foundation of your anger is your feeling innocent.

You know what though? Anger is so pointless, on contrary to what you think. Go ahead and be angry at whomever, go on a rant and a rave, kicking buckets and punching holes in the wall. Are you going to let a little emotional attachment get the best of you? What are you getting out of all that? Nothing, really. Forget about this girl, and focus on making yourself a better person; that is most important. You need to learn to build a good sense of judgment. Make yourself a better person. Listen to what people have to say with a grain of salt. Make yourself a better person.

That's ridiculous.

There were no feelings that I had for her that she hadn't already told me that she had for me. Marriage? Her idea first. Kids? Her idea first. This wasn't a situation where I had too many expectations for the relationship and it just scared her off.

I know what I did wrong in this relationship. I'm already working on those things myself. But I still place the blame of the break up on her because of her lack of communication. She wasn't perfect either. If she was expecting a perfect relationship, then she's never going to be in one for very long. Communication has to happen for things to work.

And I can be angry if I want to. Who are you to tell me otherwise? I am simply using anger instead of sadness. I'd be feeling one of them, and I'd rather not be a mopey little bitch.

[misombra]

you're still on with this shit?

[shh!]

I just hope the anger is merely a phase... I'm seeing way too many young guys turning into bitter old fools because they can't let go of the resentment.