Hatred

[shh!]

Okay, Cain. You may not be ready to be self-reflective yet because you are happy being angry for now. That's okay. Just come back and re-read this thread when you are tired of being angry.

[Cain]

Okay, Cain. You may not be ready to be self-reflective yet because you are happy being angry for now. That's okay. Just come back and re-read this thread when you are tired of being angry.

What do I have to self-reflect about? I know what I have done wrong in this relationship. I've already had time to self-reflect. There's no signs to reflect on, though. This break up was unexpected. You don't have to believe it. You can classify me as one of those stupid men that didn't see the signs. I know what was there and I know what signs weren't there.

Anger is my last step before I'm over her completely. Once I'm over her, I have no reason to self-reflect because I won't even think about her.

[kitty001]

Why do you want her to be miserable?

[Cain]

Why do you want her to be miserable?

Too much to explain to anyone that hasn't seen my other threads.

She's has handled things extremely badly. Two days before the break up things were great and she was saying she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. The day of the break up it was just a break and for the next few days things were good... she still said she loved me, etc... but then all of a sudden she got cold. Then she'd do something to show she still cared, and then she'd get cold again.

I got tired of it.

[1averagejoe]

Why do you want her to be miserable?

Because he's hurt...he wants her to feel the pain he's going through. That's natural for him to feel this way after a breakup, it sucks.

Cain you're going through a lot right now I'm sure. Zero contact with this girl, ignore her texts, her calls, messages, whatever. She doesn't exist anymore. You need to get out and enjoy life, distract yourself from this as much as you possibly can. Hanging out with friends, hobbies, whatever. As for the hate, you need to learn to eventually get over it. You won't get over her having angry and bad thoughts of her.

I honestly think she's just not well, she's got a lot of emotion problems and it affected you. She needs time to figure things out. I wouldn't be surprised if she comes begging for you back sometime in the near future. I'd obviously recommend not going back to the past, because you'll only end up running into the same problems you already ran into.

Don't hate her man, trust me...it only makes it harder on you in the long run getting over her. My ex was a bitch, she cheated on me, used me and so much crap through that breakup. I was furious, I regret being so angry. If I had to go through that again I would walk away with my pride like nothing happened and never speak to her again.

Be a man, walk away like nothing happened and accept the fact that it's over.

[Cain]

I know my emotions and I know the best way for me to deal with certain things. When I'm completely over her, I want let the anger get to me... but until I do, I'm going to let the anger stay because I'd rather be angry than sad.

I still love her. Unlike her, my feelings don't just change in a few weeks. I won't lie and say that I never want to be with her again. I honestly hope that some day we get back together and have what we had, but that it's only after she recognizes what her problem is. I'm not expecting anything. I'm staying here for school and I'm not moving there. I do know that if she does come back, there's NO WAY in hell that I will get back together with her until she's seeing a therapist and she knows what her problem is and has a plan to fix it. I'm not going to keep dealing with this.

[CompletePimp]

If you're not going to keep dealing with this then don't. Typically people break up for a reason, and if/when they get back together those reasons are still there.
When my ex broke up with me I cut off all contact from her and forgot her because she had too many emotional instabilities. And guess what, she tried to contact me, I didn't budge. Instead I went out, and met an amazing girl who turns out to be 10 times better than what I thought I had. (which I thought couldnt get any better at the time)
Move on. Go out. Meet new people. You will be surprised - because it's fact when people say no matter who you have, there is always someone smarter, funnier, sexier, more compatible for you out there... just plain better.

[Cain]

If you're not going to keep dealing with this then don't. Typically people break up for a reason, and if/when they get back together those reasons are still there.
When my ex broke up with me I cut off all contact from her and forgot her because she had too many emotional instabilities. And guess what, she tried to contact me, I didn't budge. Instead I went out, and met an amazing girl who turns out to be 10 times better than what I thought I had. (which I thought couldnt get any better at the time)
Move on. Go out. Meet new people. You will be surprised - because it's fact when people say no matter who you have, there is always someone smarter, funnier, sexier, more compatible for you out there... just plain better.

There's always going to be someone out there better. Does that mean that I'm always going to be on the lookout? No.

She needs to see a therapist. She needs to get over her emotional problems. Until she does, there will never be an us.

And I'm not waiting for her anymore. I'm moving on with my life. If I happen to be single in a couple of years when she's finally improving, then maybe.

[CompletePimp]

There's always going to be someone out there better. Does that mean that I'm always going to be on the lookout? No.

She needs to see a therapist. She needs to get over her emotional problems. Until she does, there will never be an us.

And I'm not waiting for her anymore. I'm moving on with my life. If I happen to be single in a couple of years when she's finally improving, then maybe.

She needs to better her own life and you need to better yours. Don't be concerned what she should be doing. You shouldn't always be on the lookout, but right now you can be and should. Nothing wrong with casual dating and you just might find something better. I did. If you are moving on then there's nothing more to discuss in this thread. Best of luck. And I hope you really are moving on.

[Cain]

She needs to better her own life and you need to better yours. Don't be concerned what she should be doing. You shouldn't always be on the lookout, but right now you can be and should. Nothing wrong with casual dating and you just might find something better. I did. If you are moving on then there's nothing more to discuss in this thread. Best of luck. And I hope you really are moving on.

I've already said that. But just because I'm moving on doesn't mean that I'm saying that I'd never give this another shot.

I've already said that I'm looking elsewhere. If I find something better, great.

And I can say what I think she needs to do because if she doesn't see a therapist, I'm not getting back together with her.

[Cain]

You don't love her.

You apparently know me better than I know myself.

[Junket]

Fuel to the fire.

[Kiechi]

For me, anger actually leads to acceptance. Once it's accepted, I grow very distant and cold towards the bitch to the point she doesn't want to talk to me. Then I lose the hatred and accept the new situation but now without the hatred, perfectly convinced I don't need her.

Maybe it's the same for you Cain?

[IndiReloaded]

Hiya Cain, just for you hun. Just a quickie (hi all).

Be angry. I agree w/Fras completely on this. Others are asking you to be rational about something inherently emotional.

So long as its not *actually* destructive to her or you then rage away. Call her all kinds of nasty names into your pillow or here. Rip a pillow to shreds w/your teeth. Go pound the pavement, beat on some trees, curse to the heavens (in a private place).

You can't be sad if you are angry. Its a form of emotional release. Lots of ppl use anger as a way to get through otherwise uncontrollable situations. If it works for you better than crying away, then do it. Before you can process, you need to break those hormonal addiction patterns that you forged during your time together.

Once the emotions subside, and this will take time, THEN you can think better about what you've learned from this. Kubler-Ross' stages were originally designed as a tool for health care professionals to understand the grief process that bereaved ppl go through, its not generally meant to be used as a SELF-diagnosis tool, even if you are a nurse. Indeed, it cannot be for the reasons I mentioned. Remember: when emotions are up, then intellect goes down.

So, do what you must and be kind to yourself.

Take care, lovie, all will be well.

[Cain]

For me, anger actually leads to acceptance. Once it's accepted, I grow very distant and cold towards the bitch to the point she doesn't want to talk to me. Then I lose the hatred and accept the new situation but now without the hatred, perfectly convinced I don't need her.

Maybe it's the same for you Cain?

That's pretty much it.

I'm not over her right now and if I don't feel anger, I'm going to be sad about this whole situation and when I get into that mood, it'd hard for me to get out of it. It makes it harder for me to function.

I think about her every day. She's on my mind constantly no matter what I'm doing. I'm not over her yet, and I have to feel this anger or else I'm going to struggle to get through each day.

She's lucky that I've kept these thoughts to myself. There are a couple of things that she has done that were very bad. I won't get into them, but they were things that I would have left any other woman for. I didn't overreact or even show any signs that I was pissed about it... and that was because I loved her.

Oh well.