I Little Confused At The Moment....

[post graduate]

Ok, so I met this girl at a party back in mid July and we hit it off right away, talked a little bit, exchanged phone numbers, and we got to know each other for about a week and a half. It was a Saturday night and that Monday I was leaving for Mexico to visit family for about a week. Well, that Sat. night we kissed, held hands, cuddled, etc. and I said I would call her in Mexico and she said she will see me when I get back, so I was pretty sure we were in a relationship.

I left Monday and a couple of days after I left her ex-boyfriend called her and she decided to go back to her ex and for us to stay friends, her friend told me while I was in Mex. and I confronted her and she said she was waiting for me to get back to tell me. Apparently I met her a couple of days after they broke up.... She still wanted to be friends, but I have been screwed over before so I told her to leave me alone and we have a lot of mutual friends and whenever we saw each other she would always try and talk to me and I just ignored her, this made her really mad. Well, I decided not to hold a grudge and started talking to her again and around that same time she broke up with her boyfriend again, this happened about two weeks ago. So at a party a week ago we had a long talk (kissed a little bit and held hands but we aren't officially dating yet) and the bottom line is she wants to take things real slow, hang out with me outside of parties, and see if she develops deep feelings for me because in Dec. I leave for the Air Force and we both know that if we don't develop something more than a simple attraction, then the relationship won't work. (Her ex is Navy, so you see that she upgraded.) Well, this past week I am getting mixed feelings now.... it seems I'm always the one texting her and calling her, shes done both once or twice, and she never really replies to the texts, even though I'm not the only one that complains about that, her friends say that she'll look at a text and if she doesn't have an answer or doesn't matter at the moment, then she won't reply and thats just how she is, so I don't know if its me or if I should accept that its just the way she is. But for example last night I was at the hookah bar with some friends and I called her just to see what she was up to and she was hanging out with some friends at a house and she said to call her when I get home, but then she said she would call me when she got home, but she didn't, so I don't know if that fits into what I just said about her cell phone usage or if I'm just being led on again and should just drop it and move on, or if its paypack for ignoring her, but she said she wouldn't do that, or if I should maybe back off a little and take things REALLY slow, but I really like her a lot and care about her.

[LAtoJapan]

I know this type of girl and she seems really flaky. I would be the one doing all the calling, driving and texting but the girl doesn't initiate anything. Generally, it is opposite for boys and girls with the girl usually being the more persistent one when it comes to contacting their significant other.

She did say that she wanted to take things slow and you guys haven't been together for a long time so she may not take the relationship as seriously as you. You just have to take her character with a grain of salt and decide whether she is worth keeping and coming back to when you return home from the Air Force.

[post graduate]

But we both ammited that we want an adult real relationship, which is one of the reasons she wants to take it slow becasue, like before, we rushed into it to quick.

[shh!]

You barely know her. I think you should keep your hopes and expectations in check. It is way too soon to be thinking of a relationship with her, and it sounds like she kind of knows that.

[Cain]

You also need to make sure that you don't just assume that you're in a relationship.

[post graduate]

We both know that, we went out to dinner the other night and I didn't make one attempt to kiss her or even as much as to hold her hand. I guess what I am asking is how to show her I'm with her on the whole "getting to know each other" part, but not seem to needy.

I think I'm going to set personal deadline that by early/mid Oct. if we aren't in a relationship then theres no point in pursueing it.

[post graduate]

We were suppose to do something tomorrow, but she has neither picked up her phone when I called or answered my text and that must have been 2-3 hours ago...

So I have decided to, if anything, let her come to me... I have nothing to prove, I want the adult relationship, I have never cheated on my girlfriends, nor do I like the one-night stands, and I'm willing to date a girl once I leave for the AF. On the other hand she cheated twice on her first boyfriend, had a "friends with benefits" thing before she started going out with the Navy guy, pulled that stunt with me, and then broke up with the Navy guy a couple of weeks later and NOW she says she wants an adult relationship... well, then shes the one that needs to prove it... I'm just going to stop trying to contact her and if she really wants to take it slow and have a relationship, then she try and get in touch with me.

[Cain]

We were suppose to do something tomorrow, but she has neither picked up her phone when I called or answered my text and that must have been 2-3 hours ago...

So I have decided to, if anything, let her come to me... I have nothing to prove, I want the adult relationship, I have never cheated on my girlfriends, nor do I like the one-night stands, and I'm willing to date a girl once I leave for the AF. On the other hand she cheated twice on her first boyfriend, had a "friends with benefits" thing before she started going out with the Navy guy, pulled that stunt with me, and then broke up with the Navy guy a couple of weeks later and NOW she says she wants an adult relationship... well, then shes the one that needs to prove it... I'm just going to stop trying to contact her and if she really wants to take it slow and have a relationship, then she try and get in touch with me.

Don't expect anything to happen then.

Women generally don't do the chasing.

[shh!]

She sounds like a risky proposition given her background, anyway. What attracts you to someone who cheats on boyfriends and flits from relationship to relationship? It sounds like you are asking for trouble.

[Cain]

She sounds like a risky proposition given her background, anyway. What attracts you to someone who cheats on boyfriends and flits from relationship to relationship? It sounds like you are asking for trouble.

And I definitely agree with this.

I'd have a very hard time being interested in a woman that has cheated in past relationships.

[post graduate]

I think people can change the way they live their life if they wanted to and I was attracted by looks and personality....

but regardless I don't care if anything does happen.... good if nothing happens, great if something does.... I leave for the Air Force and I am still young so I have a lot to look forward to, plus if trying to have a relationship here with her is this hard, I can only imagine what it would be like when I leave.

[Cain]

I think people can change the way they live their life if they wanted to and I was attracted by looks and personality....

but regardless I don't care if anything does happen.... good if nothing happens, great if something does.... I leave for the Air Force and I am still young so I have a lot to look forward to, plus if trying to have a relationship here with her is this hard, I can only imagine what it would be like when I leave.

I think you're expecting a relationship to develop too fast anyways. They don't happen in a week or two. It takes time.

It's good that you're not getting anything anyways because I can tell you from experience that trying to have a distance relationship while in the military is very difficult.

And personally, I think that breaking any relationships off before going into basic training is a very good idea. I did it before I went into the Army and I was so much happier because of it.