Dating co-worker???

[d_j]

I have worked with a woman at my job for about 7 months. We have a lot in common as we are roughly the same age (mid-late 20s), both single, religious, both have lost a parent, and we both want to get married and have kids. Only major overt difference between us is I am Catholic and she is Mormon. I wouldn't say that we are die-hard religious, but we both go to church and try to follow our religions for the most part. She follows the moromon faith and doesn't drink alcohol or caffeine (something I obviosly don't do).

One of the other guys at work has always bugged me about when I'm going to ask her out, claiming that we are perfect for each other (due to the above similarities). He claims that he "knows that she would go out with me" if I asked. Not sure if she told him this or if he is just trying to be encouraging.

I think she likes me. I always get a big smile and a hello when I see her and she seems to be pretty touchy with me. I walked into work the other day and she started rubbing my right shoulder when I said hi. She has come up behind me and touched me on the shoulders and sorta started massaging me before. She also seems to give me a friendly tap on the back when she passes me. Not sure if this is some kind of flirting or if she does this to everyone (other co-workers say she doesn't ever touch them)?

I am definately attracted to her (she is incredibly beautiful and a wonderful person), but I am not sure it would work out. For one thing the religion thing will be hard to work out if it becomes serious (i.e. marriage & kids). There are a lot of differences between the Catholic and Mormon faiths and lifestyles. Second, it's a work relationship, so if it doesn't work out it will be akward (though we actually don't see each other much at work as we are in different areas).

I've been struggling with whether it is worth trying something here or if I should look elsewhere? I hate being single and I really don't meet people or go on dates often so I'd hate to pass up this oportunity on the off-chance it turns into something great. If we were both Catholics (or a more mainstream christian religion) I would have asked her out long ago.

Just looking for some feedback. Should I bother asking her out and see what happens or should I not ask her out as the relationship is risky and not likely to go anywhere serious???

Has anyone had a successful Catholic/Mormon relationship?

Thanks!

[miSSleepy]

I have worked with a woman at my job for about 7 months. We have a lot in common as we are roughly the same age (mid-late 20s), both single, religious, both have lost a parent, and we both want to get married and have kids.

Apart from being religious, and apart from the obvious physical things you have in common, what else is there?
I mean, being the same age ... yeh that helps, but there are hundreds of others out there your age, so why is this significant?
Losing a parent is also not an indication of a good match.

What about other, more important, things?

Only major overt difference between us is I am Catholic and she is Mormon. I wouldn't say that we are die-hard religious, but we both go to church and try to follow our religions for the most part. She follows the moromon faith and doesn't drink alcohol or caffeine (something I obviosly don't do).

I think you sound very die-hard religious. the very fact that you're letting religion keep you from doing what you want indicates it. If you both have the same core beliefs/values, that's what counts.

As for the fact that she's a co-worker, well, that's an issue, you can imagine why. It's up to you how you deal with this.

In general, it's all your choice and it's a situation you chose to be in. If you can learn to both accept each others' religions and get on with life the way YOU want, it can work. Mixed marriages can and do work. If you choose to live within the constraints of a religion, learn to deal with situations like this where you're not allowed to do certain things.

[d_j]

Apart from being religious, and apart from the obvious physical things you have in common, what else is there?
I mean, being the same age ... yeh that helps, but there are hundreds of others out there your age, so why is this significant?
Losing a parent is also not an indication of a good match.

What about other, more important, things?

I think you sound very die-hard religious. the very fact that you're letting religion keep you from doing what you want indicates it. If you both have the same core beliefs/values, that's what counts.

I just meant that we share some common ground. We click personality wise, we have a similar sense of humor, etc....all the things you usually find in a relationship or a friend.

As for the religion, I am probably more religious than most people nowadays in their mid 20s. I certainly don't feel like my religion is 100% correct on everything, or that any other religions are wrong (I can find themes/concepts I like in almost any religion). It just seems to me that if the relationship did work out, raising the kids may be an issue (and other similar things like marriage, lifestyles etc.). I just don't see how it could work out without one of the parties convering to the other's religion, but I would never ask someone to do that, nor would I convert.

Mormon beliefs are quite different from Catholic beliefs. I could see me marrying a Protestant or another similar Christian religion with no difficulty, but Mormonism (at least to me) seems to hold many different beliefs and practices. Just not sure whether it would work out.


Thanks for your thoughts!

[miSSleepy]

It just seems to me that if the relationship did work out, raising the kids may be an issue (and other similar things like marriage, lifestyles etc.).

It will be an issue if you let it, for sure. I don't know what the wedding process would go like for you two, but I don't see why it can't happen.
As for the lifestyle...apart from going to different churches, what other differences are there? Serious question, i would like to know.
Also, I'm from mixed marriage parents. I'm an atheist, now. I could have been whatever I chose to, though. Kids are very versitile, so unless the two of you try to brainwash them with differing ideas, there doesn't have to be a problem.

[d_j]

It will be an issue if you let it, for sure. I don't know what the wedding process would go like for you two, but I don't see why it can't happen.
As for the lifestyle...apart from going to different churches, what other differences are there? Serious question, i would like to know.

As for the wedding, the Catholic Church does not recognize Mormon Baptisms (over a difference in the belief of the trinity - Father, Son & Holy spirit), so we would need dispensation from a Bishop to approve the marriage in the Catholic Church. I would have to pledge that any children are baptised and raised Catholic.

I could get married in the Mormon Church (though as I am not Mormon, we could not have a Temple wedding which would result in a sealed mariage for eternity according to their beliefs). The Catholic church would not recognize the marriage outside of the Catholic Church or a civil service and would consider me living in sin unmarried.

As for major lifestyle differences the Mormons believe the Book of Mormon describes Christ in North America (and believe it to be more important than the Bible) which most other Christian Churchs dismiss as a fraud (like the Bible is 100% accurate???). Mormons also are not supposed to consume alcohol or caffeine (or any other substance that alter's one's state) and also pay 10% of their earnings as a Tithe. The Catholic Church demands neither abstaining from alcohol (caffeine, etc.) and does not require or recomend a certain level of financial support (only what the individual is comfortable with or able to offer).

Not the be all end all in the overal scheme. Problem is that one of us would likely have to compromise religious beliefs in some form if the relationship turned into marriage and resulted in kids. Going to seperate Church's works fine until the kids come.

[ecojeanne]

ye it cld be ok, the mormons dont believe in sex before marriage right? that might make things stay tidy.....but u kno the ol' sayin.......'u dont shit where u eat'.....its risky....i personally wld NEVER get involved with anyone i worked with....it cld end up being too messy

[kene]

Tough call, if you're a professional I would strongly caution the office romance.

If you two work directly with each other or sit within shouting distance of each other it could just become a total disaster.

[Henry123]

Tough call, if you're a professional I would strongly caution the office romance.

If you two work directly with each other or sit within shouting distance of each other it could just become a total disaster.

I tend to agree.

I hear of horror stories of office romance from friends.

Tension and awkwardness could really rise if a break up occurs. Unless you work in a really big place I would be very cautious.

[shh!]

I believe that as a non-Mormon, you wouldn't be allowed to set foot in the temple for a wedding, and since the Catholic church won't marry you either, I'd forget about it. Mormons traditionally only date when they are interested in marrying, so I don't see how this would ever work out. Since you value your religious identity, stick with a Catholic. You are absolutely correct in believing this becomes very important at weddings, births, and funerals. With the additional burden of her working with you, I just can't see this being a good idea.

EDIT: Tithe means 10%, and I thought Augustine endorsed the tithe for all Christians unless they legitimately cannot afford it???

[miSSleepy]

I would not touch this girl with a ten foot pole now that you described her 'religion' - or cult.

It could get very messy.

[fyte]

Its difficult to have a relationship with a co worker. I mean you cant do what ever you want bec. she is watching your moves. And if ever there will be a new comer for sure jealousy will prevail. I feel like I'm being trapped of something.

[d_j]

I've been going over this in my head constantly and I think I have to ask her out and give it a shot (just for my own peace of mind). I wanted to ask her out in person at work, but I don't want everyone at work knowing about us (I'm afraid some one would overhear us or walk in on me when I ask). It seems really unlikely that we will ever get a chance to be alone, out of the view of our other co-workers.

I have her number, but I don't normally call her (only talk occasionally at work). Do you think it would be OK if I phoned her and asked her on a date?

[Cain]

I've been going over this in my head constantly and I think I have to ask her out and give it a shot (just for my own peace of mind). I wanted to ask her out in person at work, but I don't want everyone at work knowing about us (I'm afraid some one would overhear us or walk in on me when I ask). It seems really unlikely that we will ever get a chance to be alone, out of the view of our other co-workers.

I have her number, but I don't normally call her (only talk occasionally at work). Do you think it would be OK if I phoned her and asked her on a date?

If you don't want people at work to know about it, why are you going to ask her out? If you start dating, they'll eventually find out.

[d_j]

If you don't want people at work to know about it, why are you going to ask her out? If you start dating, they'll eventually find out.

There is nothing in our policy that prohibits dating between co-workers so long as they are not in a subordinate/supervisor position. When things get serious, someone is usually moved to another location in the city so that the couple doesn't work together.

Don't want one of us to get moved unless it becomes serious and it is going somewhere.

[Cain]

There is nothing in our policy that prohibits dating between co-workers so long as they are not in a subordinate/supervisor position. When things get serious, someone is usually moved to another location in the city so that the couple doesn't work together.

Don't want one of us to get moved unless it becomes serious and it is going somewhere.

Well, if you both start dating, hopefully it doesn't end badly. It'll make the work environment a little awkward.