I have NO IDEA what to think about these feelings! Please, I need advice / opinions!

[Nicki1515]

One of my teachers this year, taught me in a subject that wasn’t my strongest, so I’d always coming for extra help after school, and naturally we got to know each other, but as the year came to an end, I started to realize that he was treating me different, I started to realize that sometimes he would flirt with me, but he really never did anything that made me feel weird or uncomfortable but after awhile, he started doing things, like making fun of little things I would do in class, or he would say, ‘I love you, I just want you to know that.’, or you will always have a special place in my heart. and when he saw me before graduation, he told me I looked beautiful, and said that this year has been a year he won’t forget, because he feels that he has become a better person, teacher, everything because I opened his eyes to giving people an opportunity to succeed.The year was full of moments like that.

Now, I am starting to question how I feel about him, It’s like he slowly seduced me all year? I just don’t know if these ‘feelings’ between us are real? I graduated so I am no longer a student at school and I just don’t know why all of a sudden, I find myself feeling this way. Its like as long as I was a student at the same school that he was my teacher I would never have even looked at him like that. He never bluntly asked me out or anything, but he did say at the end of the year that he did like me, and he hoped that any guy who dates me realizes how lucky they are.

He would make these remarks like, I saw him in the hallway and he came out of one of the classroom and told these kids, get to class, because there is a beautiful girl in the courtyard, and brushed my shoulder, as he passed by. He would also tell other kids(as a joke), that they should not talk to me, even make eye contact with me. I am a rather outgoing and kinda loud and crazzy person( in a good way.lol) so I can be a bit overwhelming if you don’t know me, and he was always like.” I am used to her, but if your not…just leave her alone.” I didn’t really know how to respond.

I will be 19 next February, and he will be 25 this August. I know all of this must sound pretty stupid, but I just wanted to see what others thought, because sometimes people get caught up and don’t see things clearly, and I am starting to wonder if this is just my mind playing tricks on me, or if maybe something is there. In all honesty, I do like him, as we did spend a lot of time together the past year 1/2, but I am also fully aware that teacher/Student relationships are usually frowned upon, so thats why I felt so unclear as to what I should do next. Do I test the waters with him, or just forget him all together? Does any of this, even sound like he really has feelings for me?? Its sort of like, my heart tells me one thing, but the reality of the way people think makes me feel like I have to think otherwise, even though I graduated… I don’t want either of us to get a bad reputation, and I know that people could think things happened before Graduation. I am just confused about the whole situation.

What do you guys think about all of this?!?

[Cain]

Student/teacher relationships aren't just frowned upon. In high school, they are grounds for the teacher losing his job.

[miSSleepy]

sounds like transference/counter-transference
It happens in such situations. Look it up.

Did you have any feelings or attraction towards this man BEFORE he began giving you special attention?
Chances are, you've developed some sort of attraction because he has been giving you attention, making little comments, and because he was your professor. You don't sound like you're extremely interested in him, but he has gained your attention.

Nothing happened while you were his student. No you're not longer his student, but you should still forget about it. You're feelings for him don't seem genuine enough to warrant pursuing.

[okapa]

He's a guy, you're a girl, both adult to a certain point and the age difference isn't big at all, so go for it.

Tell him that now that you're not his student you'd be glad to spend some time together and ask him on a date...

He's not your teacher, you're not his student, get this into your head.

Also, someone said you're feeling don't look strong enough but feelings are something we develop so I see no reason for you to back up already.

[Nicki1515]

::UPDATE:: Well, I actually ran into my teacher today, while I was at my school picking something up, and we talked for alittle bit, just about like the summer and school starting and stuff... and then he told me, "hey..before you leave, you should check out my office..you haven't been up there yet." So, He went to class and I went up to see what he was talking about, and he had this little sign thing ( that I started as a joke with acouple of other teachers as well), and its just this lil paper sign that will say like...WHAT, or Confused, or HuH? and I like hold them up during classes...its really more of an inside joke with the ppl at my school, but it saved me from having to raise my hand or call out every 5 min. when I was in a class that I never understood anything..lol..and alot of other ppl started doing it too..but Its all out of fun...and he had the sign that I had for his class framed, and then he had this pic. of us that I gave him at the end of the year, framed too. Like I said, the sigh..I could see framed..cause most of the other teachers who I have done this with..framed thier's too...haha..but the picture kinda shocked me...I was like...huh? I mean, I gave any teacher that I had taken a photo with a copy of the pic. and some of them tacked it on the wall, or just have it like leaning on something in thier office, or some just took it home, but I was surprised that he framed it...I was like..wow..really was not expecting that. Should I just take that as a compliment, that he doesn't want the pic getting messed up, or take that as something...weird??? Its like the only two tihngs he has up too..like he doesnt have any other things up in his office yet. Part of me says, wow, thats nice of him, and then the other part is like...alittle strange.

[psydex]

this sounds a little strange yes... i'd be vary wary of him and his intensions - sounds a bit like a nutter to me....

id steer well clear

[Junket]

Yeah, I'd be wary of this one, 25 and 19 is pretty significant, you're still in high school and he's already graduated high school, and college, and has started his obvious career.

A relationship there would be pointless.

Not only that, but he's your teacher.

[starbuck]

In my opinion, men who pursue much younger women are often trying to defer their own adulthood. They're afraid of pursuing a woman who might be their intellectual/emotional equal and the responsibilities that go along with it, so they go for much younger women who might idolize them, and not women who would challenge them the way a contemporary would.

I'm assuming you'll be going off to college soon and will have all sorts of new experiences ahead of you that have nothing to do with high school. Are you thinking seriously about pursuing this?

You might also want to read the jbrowning threads here on LF. There is some good stuff in there about teacher/student crushes.

[Nicki1515]

Well, For the longest time, I never wanted to pursue anything with him,besides just a friendship. I am friends with tons of my teachers. To be honest though, Its just like...as time went on, and we got to know eachother more, I started to realize that...it was like he grew on me. That was why, I started to question why all of a sudden, I was starting to feel things for him, that I didnt really feel before. And I started to wonder if my mind was just playing tricks on me.

I was hoping over the summer...all of this would just go away, or I would meet someone else, and it would all just figure itself out. I was also thinking..I am sure he has someone by now anyway, I mean..We have not seen eachother in about 3 months. Doesn't seem like a long time, but after being together almost everyday the whole school year, it felt like forever. But then when I did run into him, and he was like, hey..I wanted you to know..I framed that photo of us from the end of the year, and then he had all the other stuff framed in his office...It was like..what does that mean? I could see if he had other pics, with other students too, or had anything else up there, but it was just my stuff, and I dont want people getting the wrong idea about us. I am just gonna take it as a compliment, I guess.

[jen's mind]

This whole thing is way too creepy. You need to stop thinking, questioning and projecting and just RUN.