Strip clubs

[kbender1]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years. Recently quite a few of his friends have been getting married and having bachelor parties. I have a problem with him going to strip clubs. I just don't see the sense in it I guess. He feels controlled when I ask him if he would not go which ends up starting an argument. I would like to be able to tell myself that it is ok and that nothing bad will happen, but I still feel sick when I think about it.

So a question for those in relationships. How do you deal with this type of situation?

We recently started going to counseling and this is a topic that has come up.

[doppelgaenger]

I wouldn't want a cockroach-infested coochie rubbing up against me when a girl is giving me a table dance. I don't go to strip clubs when I am single, and having a relationship is a good excuse to avoid them altogether.

Some guys do like that sort of thing though. My newlywed half brother just had his first child. He and his wife used to go to strip clubs and stuff.

[misombra]

has your boyfriend cheated on you, or have an affinity toward other girls?

why are you in counseling?

[kbender1]

We are in counseling so we can learn how to communicate effectively.

[misombra]

and... has he ever cheated?

[kbender1]

Not that I know of.

[Junket]

Well, I can tell you that asking him not to go will only spur him to go.

Not only that, but people tend to do more drastic things out of spite than not.

For example: You tell him he shouldn't, or you don't want him to go to a strip club, you fight over it, he leaves in a huff anyway, decides to bang one of the strippers just to prove to himself that you don't control him.

Women are wonderful at encouraging that kind of behavior and they don't even know it.

[misombra]

well then let him go. people can do whatever they want.

[starbuck]

What does your counselor say about it? I'm curious.

Personally I have nothing against them as long as it's not a habitual thing.

[Lipp]

I detest strip clubs myself, but even if he wasn't actually interested in going I can figure out the conversation he'd be having.

"Hey, are you coming for the bachelor party?"
"Sorry guys, my wife doesn't want me to"
"... ... ..."

[shh!]

I don't personally care... then again, I trust my husband to keep his hands to himself, so why should I care?

You are insecure, kbender... you are going to need to learn how to reign that in if you want to keep him around. If you don't trust him, then you should break up with him instead of making yourself crazy.

[Hollywood]

Not ever female has to be insecure just because they don't like their males in those type of environments. What other reason would a man want to go to a strip club? To hang out and drink? You can go to a bar for that. Maybe she just doesn't comfortable with her man being around barely dressed women.

kblender... i honestly don't have that type of problem with my boyfriend because he's sort of stuck up. lol! He thinks he's too good to be in a strip club. But I'll put myself in your shoes to try and tell you how I would handle it.

If he was going to a stripclub for a bachelor party... I wouldn't stress it. I'd let him go and have his fun. Now if the strip vlub becomes a hangout spot for the fellas I would raise my eyebrow and let him know I'm not feeling that shet.

If an argument starts that could only mean a couple of things.

1. He reallllly wants to go to that strip club.

2. He's worried about what his boys would think of him. (Pride)

3. He thinks you're being controlling and jealous.

Now if he pulls one of these, "I'm just hanging with the boys I could care less about the women." Look at it this way... If he really loves you he wouldn't mind asking his boys if they could hang out some place that won't make you feel uncomfortable. If his boys were mature, completely understands how your BF feels about you and they respect him, they would understand.
They would say, "Sure man, we can hit up the bar." or "Hey man, we're gonna head out, you can catch up with us later."

So it really all depends on what his reasoning is for going. That would determine how I would handle it, I guess. Hope this helps

[starbuck]

You know if he doesn't go and all his other friends do, his friends will all think he's p***y-whipped.

Let him go for the sake of his pride!

[shh!]

Not ever female has to be insecure just because they don't like their males in those type of environments. What other reason would a man want to go to a strip club? To hang out and drink? You can go to a bar for that. Maybe she just doesn't comfortable with her man being around barely dressed women.

Is she going to make him stay away from the beach, too?

It's for a bachelor's party... it's not a way of life.

[Asparagoose]

You are insecure, kbender... you are going to need to learn how to reign that in if you want to keep him around. If you don't trust him, then you should break up with him instead of making yourself crazy.

That's true. It's just your insecurity creeping in. The chances that he does anything with a stripper are almost none. They don't have sex in there, they just dance. It's mostly for guys to get some eye candy or feel like they're doing manly things. There's no reason to really worry.

If you are driving yourself crazy over it, then you're also driving him crazy over it. One thing I can't stand as a guy, is when my girlfriend doesn't trust me. How insecure can you be? It's deeply insulting to him if he would never do something like that, but he has you worrying about it. If you can't conquer your insecurities, the best thing to do for you own mental health is to end the relationship and work of getting over them.