Part 2

[IndiReloaded]

I agree. One of those useless, circular phrases that belongs in the Common Book of Duh.

[Charlie Boy II]

?! Indi didn't you post links to cosmic energy cycles or some such concept the last time I said that?

[IndiReloaded]

Cosmic energy cycles? LOL. No me, boyo. Unless I was being facetious or trying to say that nothing we do ultimately matters anyway. Which I do think, in a cosmic sense. Entropy will eventually be the end of us all.

[Cain]

The 'everything happens for a reason' mentality is useful for ppl who have a hard time accepting that they are ultimately, completely responsible for their own lives.

As she gets older & more confident in her abilities she will need this concept less. If you are more evolved in your thinking in this area, avoid the tendency to take away this security blanket from her. Lead by example. She'll get there in her own time.

The only reason it bothers me is because I know that she and I won't be back together without work, but if she is in this "everything happens for a reason" mindset, she won't want to work at it.

We talked about the giving 100% thing again and she is truly convinced that overall, both people should be able to give 100%. Some days it won't be able to happen, but she feels that overall it should be 100%. I told her I wasn't even able to always give 100% and it's not normal... and she said that she feels she gave 100% at the beginning, and it's very possible.

Blah blah. I feel like she's just kind of making up some excuses for the breakup, honestly. I might not be as social as she is, but I never discouraged it. In fact, I encouraged us going out with her friends when I visited. There were times she told me she'd rather stay in. She told me last night that she feels like she was holding back at the bar... dancing in particular. She said she doesn't dance often, but she didn't feel like she could be herself with me... like I wouldn't want to dance with her or whatever... which was hilarious since the last time we were at the bar, I tried to get her to dance.

It's fine. I'm going to show her the new and improved me on our visit. If we end up going to the bar, I'm going to bring her to the dance floor.

[Charlie Boy II]

are you sure you weren't saying something like how slutty all the chicks on the dancefloor looked? And how you could never go out with a girl that dressed like that girl, or that girl, or that girl, or that girl?

[Charlie Boy II]

And I wouldn't dwell too much on the "reasons". Usually breakups are the work of gut feeling. Reasons are normally just window dressing, I think, given largely to fill empty space.

[IndiReloaded]

You are who you are, Cain. Its all about the fit, like I said before. Either there's enough that makes it worth it, or there isn't. But neither of you should feel like you need to push a square peg into a round personality hole. Only do this is you think it will be to YOUR ultimate benefit as a human being.

That said, I know I'm not alone thinking that you could learn to relax a bit more about life.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsNkU3kCm1g&feature=PlayList&p=762F1E9B108 374F0&index=7"]YouTube - Robin Williams stand up part 8/10[/ame]

[Cain]

are you sure you weren't saying something like how slutty all the chicks on the dancefloor looked? And how you could never go out with a girl that dressed like that girl, or that girl, or that girl, or that girl?

It's actually funny you brought that up. It was her and her roommate that were saying that very same thing. There was a group of about three girls that really were being really slutty. It got to the point that you could practically see their vag while they were dancing. Her and her roommate were talking about how bad that was and how slutty, etc. etc. My ex didn't dress like that though. When her roommate wanted to go on the dance floor to dance, she asked my ex to and I tried to get her to go to and she wouldn't.

I think she's trying to use all of these reasons to show that this wasn't a sudden change of heart... because we went from how we were for the last 10 months... to her wanting to breakup... and it was definitely sudden. She's trying to make it seem like it was really gradual, but she didn't notice it until she had time to think after the breakup.

I wish I could just pry into her brain to see what the real thoughts are. For some reason, I've got it in my head that she's trying to push me away for some reason... the same thing she did at our first break. When we had this break a year ago, she told me that she didn't feel the same way that she used to, that she didn't see me in her future, and that she doesn't think she loves me. Two weeks later, of pretty much no contact, she tells me she misses and needs us.

I'm going to give her another shot if we do end up getting back together, but it'll be the last time that ever happens.

[Cain]

You are who you are, Cain. Its all about the fit, like I said before. Either there's enough that makes it worth it, or there isn't. But neither of you should feel like you need to push a square peg into a round personality hole. Only do this is you think it will be to YOUR ultimate benefit as a human being.

That said, I know I'm not alone thinking that you could learn to relax a bit more about life.

I definitely agree. Everything that I want to change is because I feel that it'll make me happier in the long run. And it just so happens that some of it is stuff that she mentioned she didn't really like. Once I change for the better, we'll see what her new excuse is if she has one.

I'm actually kind of hoping that she gets into a new relationship. Though we may be different in some aspects, I think we were a lot better for each other then she's letting herself think right now and if it takes another relationship for her to realize that, so be it.

I'm not really looking only because I plan to move, whether I move there or not. I don't like where I'm at... and I don't feel it's right to lead a girl on.

[IndiReloaded]

Cain, you sound to me like you are psyching YOURSELF up into a breakup with her. Preemptive strike, as it were.

Is your ego really so blown that she's asked for this break? Even if she's done it before? What part of RELAX don't you understand?

Watch the vid. You could really use some 'Fcukitall'. Its Giga & my favorite drug, you should try it.

[Cain]

Oh, don't get me wrong. I don't mean to come off that way at all. I actually feel a lot better today because I think there's a shot at us making it through it in time. I just think that the excuses need to go and solutions need to take their place before we get back together.

Before things clicked, I had thought about how I'd approach this visit. Even though I'm living one day at a time regarding this relationship, I still think I should have a plan in place in order to avoid anything bad and only bring out the good, especially if I want to eventually get her back. Tell me what you think of this three day schedule.

On Friday, I'd like to take her to dinner. We always did that when we were together and the conversation was always nice, plus there's a really good place there that I want to go to again. After dinner, I want to stop back by her place and hang out for a few before going to the bar. She thought I was a hindrance before, so I want to take her to the dance floor and have some fun.

On Saturday I want to go for a walk... just having fun. I'm not planning on bringing up the relationship unless she does, and I'm sure she'll leave an opening somewhere. When she does, we'll talk about it and see where the conversation leads. I'd like to go to the movies or something... maybe bowling... more fun stuff, but nothing that screams "I'm your bf!"

On Sunday, regardless of how well things went and regardless of whether or not she wants me to stay a couple more days, I'm going to leave. Most likely after we've had breakfast/lunch... brunch... probably around 1 or 2. I'm trying to avoid anything that shows we're attached, but I don't want to avoid fun either.

Whaddayathink?

[IndiReloaded]

I think you aren't going for a visit for a while yet, yes? So you are planning waaaay in advance b/c it gives you a sense of control.

I think you are obsessing, tho its not what you asked. So I think you should revisit this question closer to the time you leave & think about other things meantime.

[shh!]

Honestly, I think she sounds like she wants to do some guilt-free partying. She may want to come back if there aren't enough boys out there stroking her ego.

[Cain]

Meh, the visit will most likely be within the next 3 weeks. It'll be either the first or second weekend in Sept.

Anyways, I was just asking what you thought about the plan. I'm definitely not going to be trying to change it every day. That's the plan and if it turns out differently during the visit, oh well.

I was just wanting a female's opinion on that plan.. from someone that knows about the situation.

[Junket]

Cain, to be honest?

I don't think you'll be getting back together, unless you're both secretly staying mutual to each other.

With an indefinite time line to this "break", and you're disposition to refrain from pressuring her any, (pressure isn't always a bad thing), I think what will end up happening is you'll both simply grow apart, especially considering you live so far away from each other and you both have your own life agenda to follow.

However, should this actually be the break up (without yous knowin' it yet), it'll be a shit load less painful this way, than goin' cold turkey.

I tried to quit Amy cold turkey because she wasn't gonna give us a chance. I blubbered like a little baby, but she still broke first. So I won that round.

I'm not going to wish luck to this relationship because I have little faith in it, however, I do wish luck to you, your good decision making, and your future.