So I am breaking up with her...

[uncertain777]

I decided to break up with my girlfriend (after much thought and consideration), but I am not sure when. The problem I have is, I have already decided to break up with her, and I know my feelings for her have left, but we still have a date lined up 2 days from now.

The day after our date, she goes to her college, and I go to my college 2 days after (its a 13 hr plane ride for both of us.)

I told myself, that I would break up with her, possibly 1 week or 2 after college has started, so it does not stress her out as much. I just got off the phone with her, however, and found I had to force myself to tell her I care about her so as to not seem obvious. If I break up with her on our date, I know she will be devastated, and will likely be depressed the entire fun filled 13 hour flight back to US. I asked several of my friends, and their answer was in the middle... so I decided to ask you, the reader.

For additional information, I know my girlfriend cares a lot about me, we have dated over a year, but I don't share the same feelings for her that she has for me.

If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask... thank you for any advice you put up.

~Anon

[anachronistic]

Very considerate of you to not lead her on. I don't see what advice you would need; it seems like you've handled the situation like a mature adult should.

[uncertain777]

Thank you. The advice I am looking for, is when to break up though. I am stuck in between wanting to break up with her tomorrow, because going on a date with her the day after would only be filled with me pretending to like her...

and wanting to break up with her after the date... after she goes back home to the US and back in her college where she can find her friends...

[starbuck]

She's probably going to be upset no matter what, whether she's sitting on a plane or 2 weeks later when she's starting class. I always think sooner is better. Even if it's a few weeks, that is precious time that she can use to move on and heal.

Also if you fake it on the date and break up with her later, you'll probably have to explain that you were faking it. She'll be confused about why you had such a good time on your date only to find out you're dumping her, and she'll most likely confront you about this.

I understand that you want to be considerate about her feelings, but I say do it asap. Good luck!

[Charlie Boy II]

yeah I'd do it as soon as possible. It's more merciful to just put her out of her misery. She probably has a good idea its coming anyway

[uncertain777]

Wow.... well, I told myself I wouldn't be swayed but what others said, but the general consensus seems to say I should break up with my girlfriend sooner rather than later.

Although I feel very reluctant to do so, since I know my girlfriend will cry, and I will feel like a scumbag deep down inside... I am going to call her tomorrow (the day before our "date"), and break up with her then. And yes, I said the terribly insensitive and cowardly thing, call.

If I meet her in person... I may just fall apart. I know she will end up crying, and she will do anything she can to mend the relationship.... but I don't want to yo-yo back and forth. I want to break up with her, but am afraid I will take a step back and apologize if I see her cry in person. Right now I am contemplating what to say, and I feel sick to my stomach, knowing I will be willingly hurting her feelings for my own selfish reasons...

@Anachronism,

I thank you for calling my actions mature, but deep down inside, I am truly naive, and I know it. I partially feel like I am being selfish by ending the relationship on my own accord... knowing she will not have a say or control over it, but I simply don't have the same feelings she does.

[Cain]

I recommend doing it now.

If you wait until classes have started, she might actually fall behind in her studies for a few days if the depression is bad.

And do not tell her you care about her if you don't.

[Cain]

No... don't break up on the phone. You've been mature thus far... so don't screw that up with a phone breakup. I think you ower her a face to face breakup.

[anachronistic]

No, it would be selfish if you were to keep the relationship going, and lead her on for sex or whatever you needed, while you didn't really feel the same way about her as she thought.

[Dasein]

As Seinfeld says you have to do it like ripping off a Band Aid "Right Off!"

Ok I will be serious. As soon as possible. Do not protract the situation. There is no real "ideal time" to break up anyway. If she cares for you then it will always hurt.

Good Luck with it and let us know how you go.

[1averagejoe]

Do it in person,over the phone is insensitive, and as soon as possible. Especially since school is going to be starting soon. She's going to be hurt and sad no matter what. Don't wait for school to start because it's going to affect her studies. Plus usually the first week of school is pretty relaxed and not too much work, so that will give her time to recovery so that it doesn't screw her over in school.

[uncertain777]

I did it in person.... just 30 minutes ago. I wanted to thank everyone on this forum who helped me. I feel bad, because I sat with her while she hysterically cried, but I knew I made the right decision for myself.

Once again, thank you.

[Cain]

Break up now. Quit holding her on.

A little late.

[Dasein]

You did the right thing. You need to follow your feelings.

I hope she will be ok. So be kind if she tries to contact you but in no way lead her on.

[michzel creativ]

Yeah, breaking up a loved one doesn't mean you don't love her anymore. Be true to yourself, because sometimes we really need someone that will makes as more happy.
Remember, you will definitely need to move on and time is the best healer.