He's a 23 year old Virgin

[FallenAngel444]

So I've been "hanging out", dating, this guy for 3 months. He recently told me that he's a virgin and he's 23. Then last weekend he told me that he has never messed around with a girl - EVER. He's only kissed 4 girls and thats as far as it went. I can tell by what he does that he's very unexperienced. He seems a little unexperienced emotionally too. He always drives to see me and we either hang out at my house or go out to eat, bowling, to the bar, etc. He's a real gentleman. I wrecked my car a month ago and was stranded with no way home and he drove an hour to get me and take me home safely.

But then when I bring up the subject of a relationship things get all weird. We've talked a few times about it. He says he likes how things are right now and wants to keep it going. We see each other about 2- 3 times a week. But it seems like he has a problem with intimacy (obviously since hes a 23 yr old virgin). Sometimes he doesn't even want to kiss me and I'm like why won't you kiss me? And he says he doesn't want me to feel like this is something we have to do alll the time and then he doesn't want me getting dissapointed if it doesn't happen. He says he really cares about me and doesn't want to hurt my feelings. He also came over to my house last weekend whenever my cat died because he knew i was upset.

Is this normal? Have you ever heard of this? Should I run as fast as I can? Or should I stick it out with him and see where it leads? Its really frustrating because he gives me so many mixed signals. When it seems like things are going really good and progressing well - all of a sudden he slams on the brakes.

[NeoSeminole]

I don't see what the problem is. Would you rather he try to get into your pants?

[FallenAngel444]

Noo its not that at all!

He also has told me that he's done more with me than any other girl he hangs out with. He never cuddles with him, holds hands, hugs, etc. The most we've done is I've given him handjobs and he's played with my boobs.

I also met his dad last weekend when I went to his house for the first time. I live in my own apartment and he usualyl just comes to my place. He always tells me I'm pretty, or hot and things like that. I went to his bball games the past 2 weeks.

All of his friends think I'm his girlfriend and they think I'm a good catch for him and he should go for it. But I'm not really sure thats what he's thinking.

He also said that he has dated a few girls recently but always finds flaws in them that are deals breakers - like an ex heroin addict, and a girl who got depressed adn dropped off the face of the earth. So I asked him what the flaw was in me taht he found and he said there isn't any.

When we're together I feel like his gf alot of the tiem - he pays for me. We hold hands if we're out and about, etc. And its nice that he pays for me because I know he doesn't have a lot of money - he's having trouble finding a job in broadcasting which is what he went to school for.

[Gribble]

He's not violent. He doesn't sound like a deadbeat or an alcoholic. He isn't running around spreading his seed with anything willing to spread thighs. All he's got are intimacy issues. Do you like him? You could do a whole hell of a lot worse. Maybe it's to your advantage to help this guy overcome his problems. Or, y'know, ditch him for a guy who cares nothing for you and only wants in your pants.

[Only-virgins]

He seems a little unexperienced emotionally too. He always drives to see me and we either hang out at my house or go out to eat, bowling, to the bar, etc. He's a real gentleman. I wrecked my car a month ago and was stranded with no way home and he drove an hour to get me and take me home safely.

Now, can someone please explain to me how picking someone up rather than having them drive over and doing the things above gives off signs that the person is a virgin? I mean, I understand women can read body language and emotions better than men but even I know this is way off target, come on.

Your going to just have to make him feel a bit more comfortable for intimacy. Though I don't understand how he can be comfortable with a hand job but not kissing...I think he just may not be one of those people who shows to much public affection.

[shener]

I don't find any problems with the guy. It only shows that he respect you too much. I myself is like that also. You can rarely found a person like that so I think it's a big mistake to leave him. What will you choose an aggressive guy or a gentleman like that? It is you choice so be careful on choosing whom you want to be with.

[lesa]

I'll find a way to marry him!

[Charlie Boy II]

I don't know, he sounds like a bit of a pussy.

[misombra]

i would corrupt, and molest him.

but it does sound weird.

[okapa]

Give the guy a chance, why not...

[Junket]

I was a 22 year old virgin.

So what.

[kak]

i was 23yo virgin. so i know some issues that may creep in. He may be worried that he doesnt know what to do. there is a fair amount of pressure (what i felt anyway) on guys pleasuring girls the right way. Is he nervous when youre getting intimate? I am all for frank and open discussion and it seems you like him and him you, so speaking about these issues in the correct direct way can be very efficient and productive.

Say to him you want to kiss more, go further than HB and breast play. and say that you are willing to guide him in your likes and dislikes because you think you guys can have great pleasurable experiences and there is no problem with this. It would be hard for a guy to find this offensive. but also say that you are not pressuring, your just asking him to be direct.

anyways that my 2 cents

[starbuck]

I think it's weird that he doesn't want to kiss her. Maybe he's gay and in the closet?

[Gribble]

Kissing is overrated.

[1averagejoe]

I've never been a fan of kissing too much in public, unless it's quick pecks or intimate out of the sight of public. I can see from this guys point of view because I was in this same situation with my ex. I just felt like the best thing was to take things slow. He just wants to show respect and show you that it's ok to wait a little bit. He wants to prove to you that he's there for who you are, and not just trying to get in your pants.

He's also a virgin and probably nervous about going any further. This guy sounds great, just give him a chance and time. Be patient, it will come in time. He's been a virgin for this long he probably wants it to be for someone special. Prove to him that you're willing to wait for him and you can be that special person. Don't pressure him, but be frank and direct with him when you ask questions and tell him how you feel. But my guess is he wants to wait to allow the relationship to progress before going all the way.