Raped

[senya]

really don’t know what other forum to put this in I just need advice. Please.

I was raped by my sister’s boyfriend a few years ago. I was date raped once before What happened with my sisters boyfriend is I was sleeping and woke up to him molesting me and much other stuff. I just froze with fear and sickness. Since I was raped before fighting and “no” didn’t work I just froze with utter fear.

I kept it to myself for years. It ate away at my mental health and still is. I suffer from PTSD, depression, anger issues, and anxiety. My sex life is anything from normal. I have no sex drive and the idea of sex just starts stressing me out to the point of tears.

I finally told my sister a few months ago. Of course she flips but only five days later he proposes and now they are engaged. They have a daughter I'm very worried out who is only eight. When she was not even 4 I witnessed her doing sexual poses by putting her hand on the ground humping then morning.

It hurts me soooo much that she forgave him in 5 days. Not only that but she blames me. So does my whole my family. My mother made me feel like crap about it. I lost my friends when it happened. I told them and they started ignoring me. I have nobody on my side at all, I’m all alone.

I have nightmares all the time that just started about being paralyzed and molested. I cut myself now. I cant handle sex. I think of death every day.

I don’t remember what its like to be happy. Pills don’t work. Please god help me.

It doesn’t matter that I didn’t fight back. He came to me while sleeping. From the rape before to my Uncles mental abuse I get daily I froze. I talked to doctors and they say I was still considered rape.

I have so much I can say.

The reason I didnt tell anyone was because I thought nobody would believe me or that they would take his side. Well my fears came true.

[Citycat]

You have to find a way to move away from your family and seek counseling.

[Only-virgins]

Don't ever wait that long. They probably think your story is phony because you didn't come out with it sooner. Gross that your sister doesn't care.

[anachronistic]

Well I am sure you have a psychologist for all your other issues, unless you diagnosed yourself, like a lot of people do.

Why don't you tell your psychologist about it? They will tell you how you can handle the situation. I doubt there is much you can do besides talk about it though, since you waited so long. Why did you wait so damn long?

[senya]

The reason I didnt tell anyone was because I thought nobody would believe me or that they would take his side. Well my fears came true.

[lesa]

My only advice is to acknowledge what happened was real, that you cannot change the past but you know it's there, and seek to move forward. Start over a brand new life without your 'previous' family. Move to a new city and enjoy life to the fully because you only get one.

[IndiReloaded]

Dysfunctional families will often isolate the injured person (you) in cases like this b/c to do otherwise would mean that _they_ would need to own up to their own issues or part in what happened to you.

I'm sorry this happened to you. But you are beating your head on a brick wall if you expect that your family will come to your aid. You *should* be able to expect it, but they simply can't for the reasons I said. You absolutely need to get yourself a support network & counselling.

Have you tried calling your local women's shelter? It may sound far fetched, but they will have rape resources you can be referred to. The amount of time passed doesn't matter. There are lots of women (unfortunately) who didn't even realize until years later that what they experienced as a child was actually rape. And since this has obviously deeply affected you (as it should) I think you should avail yourself of this help immediately.

Your family sucks, btw. I feel for you. But you have done all you can under the circumstances. You told them what happened, which your sister needed to know both for herself & her child. If she chooses to stick her head in the sand that is her path to walk.

Meantime, get yourself healthy. You may have to intervene on behalf of your niece sometime in the future & you want to be strong enough to do that. Keep your chin up & don't let other ppls issues change what you know to be right.

[Tedel]

First, Senya, receive my warmest hug, OK? My real name is Jorge, I am a writer, I am from Peru, I am 29 years old now and I have been very close to rape before, while I was a teacher, so I understand how you feel. A student of mine was raped, and it was me who helped her all the process. Her parents never knew about this.

Now take a deep breath because everything will come out all right. We're (or at least I am) here to help. Ready? Now let's go step by step.

I don't know you in person so this is going to be hard for me, OK? Forgive any mistake I might make and help me help you with this too, deal?

You have already told what has happened to you, so there is no need to give any additional details. I also feel you don't want to hurt your sister, so let's forget her for a short while.

What I want you to do now is to read, learn and understand that from this message onwards things are going to turn for better only in your life. You do not need to cut yourself any more, you do not need to think about death again, OK? It will not be automatically, but it will not last long. You will have a better life now. I promise.

I would like to know how old are you, please. If you don't want to discuss this on a public forum, send me this information as a private message. I need to have a better idea of who I am talking with.

I will go on from there.

In the meantime, do me a huge favour: smile and understand that when I said I was going to help you have a better life, I was very serious.

Your doom is over now. Remember that when going to sleep tonight.

[Gigabitch]

Senya, understand that you're living in a fabricated world, an unreal structure that has been built by your family to support all of their own weirdness. In the real world, raping someone is WRONG and causes decent people to become incensed with righteous anger. The fact that your family is blowing all of this off is compounding the problem.

You know how they should be acting. They should haul that asshole out into the street and kick the shit out of him in front of everyone, then send him off without anything but the shirt on his back and the fat lip they just gave him. At least one of his balls should be cut off.

The very idea that he might have molested his daughter makes my stomach turn. You need to write this down and give it to your sister, so she can read over it again later when she's not all caught up in whatever drama she has with you. Don't write anything but "I think he's molesting your daughter." Leave the rest up to her.

Then walk the hell away from these poisonous, wretched people.

There will be other posters who will refute this opinion, telling you that nothing is as important as family, bla, bla, bla. Look- your family is a total luck of the draw thing. There are horrid people out there. They are related to people too. Ted Bundy had a daughter. Do you think she feels any filial obligation? Neither should you.

You're trapped in their bullshit. Get out and get away. There are decent people in the world who will treat you like the human being you are, but you have to go out and find them, because it's abundantly clear you aren't related to any.

[Junket]

They have a daughter I'm very worried out who is only eight. When she was not even 4 I witnessed her doing sexual poses by putting her hand on the ground humping then morning.

Moaning?

Anyway, don't jump to conclusions based off of your experience, though I would be wary of the behavior, you need to remember that that kind of sexual behavior in a young child is normal. It's been documented, and my girlfriend's nieces, both exhibited similar behavior.

Humans are sexual creatures, and it doesn't just start at puberty. A child needs to be taught however, that that kind of behavior is not appropriate for anybody but themselves.

I'm sorry for what you went through, I'd like to PM you a link, but I don't think you can receive it until you have enough posts. Hang in there.

[lesa]

There will be other posters who will refute this opinion, telling you that nothing is as important as family, bla, bla, bla. Look- your family is a total luck of the draw thing. There are horrid people out there. They are related to people too. Ted Bundy had a daughter. Do you think she feels any filial obligation? Neither should you.

EXACTLY!

We can't pick and choose our family but we can pick and choose our friends. No need to torture yourself being around them.

*hugs*

[Tedel]

She didn't come back, did she?

[Illusional]

all i have to say if that's fuct up... your sister won't believe you because she's is la la land and it sounds like your family isn't very close.

i would bring it up again and talk to a counselor or something. the best way to move past this is to talk about it and how to prevent this from possibly happening in the future. if you feel brave enough, you might want to confront your future brother in law. it probably won't solve much, but if you show him that you're not afraid of him anymore, he definitely won't try this again.

raverboy

[Henry123]

Senya get a referal to see a psycho therapist or psychologist. Get this all documented.

As for your sister's child I would inform something like Children's Aid and let them know of the situation. If you can gather evidence like the video recording of the child's behaviour you should take it to the police. Let them decide if the child's behaviour is normal or not. If they find it abnormal they will do the rest.


As for family members I would just avoid them. Excommunicate them if you must. Although get evidence for the police first regarding the child.


I know whats its like when family members turns on the victom. They can be so ****ing stupid.


*In the end just remember that there are thousands of women out there who has been raped but were able to overcome their past and live normal lives. Of course one cannot totally forget what has happen to them But dont let the past be so much of a burden that you cant enjoy the rest of your life.

[Arrow]

Seek therapy. NOW. Thinking about suicide is serious. Obviously it would be better (mandatory IMO) to look for a female therapist because as it is there's little chance you'll have enough confidence in a male professional unless he was a person you really felt comfortable with.

Is your sister older than you? If so, I understand why your family is abusing you. Things are always most difficult for the youngest since they're viewed by the eldest as people who need doctrination and are always at fault of things because of "inexperience".

A restart from scratch, in another place, as fellow members have suggested, is a good idea. But first you need to prepare things and make sure you can live by yourself.