Moving away...?

[verytorn]

Hi I hope someone can give me some advice...I lived in Mexico until a few years ago when I moved to the UK, I now have a serious boyfriend of 3 years and even though we bicker quite a lot things were going really well.

That is until I went back for a holiday in Mexico and had the most amazing time with my friends-especially one of them, whom I know for over 10 yrs. Id never thought of him in a romantic way at all but this time, something happened, and I dont think its quite 'love' yet but its very close and definitely could be.

Firstly I feel awful that I went behind my boyfriends back and 'dated' this guy for over 3 weeks, but now that Im back in the UK I miss my friend so much, and I want to move back (not just because of him but because my friends and family are all there and Im lonely in the UK). I mentioned this to my boyfriend (but didnt mention anything about the other guy) and he's so upset. We had plans to go travelling the world next yr and he said he was gonna propose afters, but I just dont really feel the same anymore. I dont want to hurt him as he is the most amazing guy Ive met, but Im so torn!

Am I risking it all for the 'excitement' of the first few months of a relationship?? On the other hand it is an old friend, I know that he would never hurt me....basically I have the two nicest guys ever in love with me and I dont want to hurt either of them.

Please help!

[Cain]

It's normal for you to have these feelings, but before you make a mistake, you need to realize what your feelings really are. You've been dating this guy for three years and so the relationship is a little stale. It's not new. It lacks the flare it did at the beginning. All relationships eventually get that way and it's up to the couple to reignite the spark. All relationships start out at a high energy level... and that's the same thing with this new guy over in Mexico. It's new and so it was exciting.

You need to really think about things before you make this huge mistake. And really, if your current boyfriend was the most amazing guy you've ever met, how could you even think about leaving him for someone else when you don't even know how the other relationship would turn out? If you're going to jump from excitement to excitement, you'll never be a long term relationship.

[Tedel]

I agree with Cain. I think the Mexican friend is an infatuation.
80% people make decisions drived by emotions. Think a little more and you may see things different.

[verytorn]

I completely understand what you mean. I realise that it would be a mistake to leave my long term relationship for an 'exciting' new start with someone else as I am aware that this excitemente always wears off as relationships progress. But at the same time I know my mexican friend for a very long time and I know that he would make me happy as well in a long term relationship.Since Ive been back I dont feel the same for my boyfriend, its still love but its not the same as before I went away.Im just scared of making a big mistake.

Aside from this I have the issue that I love being in Mexico with all my family and friends and I am so lonely in the UK. If it wasnt for hurting my boyfriend Id pack up and leave tomorrow. I think this is also influencing my decision somewhat.

[CAM]

Grown ups make choices. Life is not a salad bar. At some point, you have to make a choice, emotional and otherwise. You aren't infatuated with your Mexico friend. You are looking for a reason not to make a decision, a commitment. That's what made the Mexico friend look so particular scrumptious this time. Your lack of commitment means that you are going to hurt two nice guys and end up in personal misery...again.

[verytorn]

i agree, I have to make a choice otherwise everyone is going to get hurt. but what I wanted to make clear was that its not just about the 2 guys, its also the fact that I hate it in the UK and would consider moving back to Mexico even if nothing had happened with my friend over there.

I just feel like the most awful person leaving my boyfriend as we had big plans for the future and now I really dont want to go through with them. he doesnt deserve to have his heart broken, but I think its a case of 'i love him but Im not in love with him anymore'

Im just not sure if Ill miss him because I still want to be with him or if its because we are so comfortable in our routine and relationship....

[Cain]

i agree, I have to make a choice otherwise everyone is going to get hurt. but what I wanted to make clear was that its not just about the 2 guys, its also the fact that I hate it in the UK and would consider moving back to Mexico even if nothing had happened with my friend over there.

I just feel like the most awful person leaving my boyfriend as we had big plans for the future and now I really dont want to go through with them. he doesnt deserve to have his heart broken, but I think its a case of 'i love him but Im not in love with him anymore'

Im just not sure if Ill miss him because I still want to be with him or if its because we are so comfortable in our routine and relationship....

If you were truly in love with him, you wouldn't be considering leaving him and moving to another country.