Quick to Judge or...?

[misombra]

...perhaps she was just getting her revenge for the whole tattoo thing?

[CAM]

...perhaps she was just getting her revenge for the whole tattoo thing?

It's possible. Who knows.

[TrulyS]

You said there were no fireworks when you first met and you dont really write about her with any sense of conviction so I'm sensing that this isn't going to be a match made in heaven (mind you what do I know I just got dumped?!)

My point is, if you were crazy about this girl and she you, it would be worth working through this strange opinion she has about what happened, and try and resolve the matter. But from the way she has reacted to your news and the way you write about her I wonder if you would really be that bothered if you didnt stay in touch???

[IndiReloaded]

Why did you mention your great aunt, Cam? Seems unlike you to even allude to a skeleton like that until you knew her a lot better. Were you likewise probing for a response?

Anyway, are you going to continue to talk w/her? You said you had a nice lunch & the conversation was good. That's not easily dismissed in this world.

Was there any attraction on your part? If not, you could just keep it at a 'friends only' level. Not much to lose & the future is unwritten. Lots of good relationships develop slowly over time.

4 hour drive, tho. That sucks. I don't have much faith in LDRs that don't have a defined endpoint to the separation period. I suppose you could alternate taking a puddle jumper 1-2 a month if the service is available. Can you at least do a video chat?

[thefallenheart]

what a being judged by the actions of your ancestors. Ha ha ha ha.

not to put to blunt a point on it but we are all decended from people who have killed, be it a crime of passion, for king and country or just for the sheer hell of it. the lineage of every man woman and child drenched in blood. if she is looking for someone who is exempt from this then she will look forever.

[starbuck]

Uh, let's see...

When I told her, her response: "Oh, wow, that's terrible!"

Conversation continues, but there's a distant tone in her voice.

Me: "Are you still upset about what I told you?"

Her: "Yes. I mean you told me that and that makes me look at you differently."

Me: "In what way?"

Her: "Well, you've got 'that' in your family line."

Me: "So, you're judging me based on something someone in my family did 100 years ago?"

Her: "I just don't know what to think now..."

Is that enough info?

I dunno, it sort of sounds to me like she was just shocked and didn't know what to say. So, what happened? Did you call her?

[Gigabitch]

Doomed from the start anyway, CAM. She was NOT the girl for you.

[CAM]

Doomed from the start anyway, CAM. She was NOT the girl for you.

I don't think that girl exists...the one for me that is.

[CAM]

Update:

So, I go to visit the "Tattooed One." LOL

I was going to take the train, but the train was delayed, so I bought a last minute plane ticket (about five hours before the flight) and took off.

I arrive at the airport and call her--saying that I'd wait around until she could pick me up after work. She tells me to take the subway train to such-and-such and then take a cab to where the restaurant is (our planned first night dinner). She says that traffic is so bad that it would be quicker. So, I go. I get to this remote site and wait. No calls are coming. So, I go to a restaurant across the street and wait--I have a glass of wine and an appetizer. Not buzzed, but more lucid. Finally, a call. She's arrived. She comes to the place I'm sitting and I say, "Have a glass of wine with me." She says, "No, I'm the designated driver this weekend and I won't be drinking at all." In my lucid state, I fully realized that this weekend was already on the path to hell. She then proceeded to complain about her workday for about an hour.

Then we went across the street to our dinner restaurant and ate. She was very distant and very bitchy--still upset about the workday. She pretty much made it clear that she wouldn't be emotionally available for over a year maybe longer...so, pretty much it was, "Cameron, just don't think of it going anywhere and don't think that I'm going to let myself (i.e., her) get emotionally drawn to you because my career comes first."

After dinner, she took me to my hotel. Once in the hotel, I spent about 15 minutes talking to myself in the mirror about how I was going to just leave the next morning and ditch her. She was being a total bitch.

I decided to cool off and see what happened the next day--I figured that this wasn't like anything I'd seen or heard over the months of phone calls and emails (we even met for lunch once about a month ago and she seemed fine).

The next day was worse. She was supposed to pick me up at 11 am but didn't show until 11:30 am. No excuse. No apology. Still bitchy. We went to a cooking class for 3 hours (about two weeks earlier when we planned the trip, she wanted to go and was very insistent, I said that she should sign us up...and pay). I wasn't going to shell out for everything over the weekend!

So, we did that--again, totally distant during the class. Made it a point of not cooking with me. I was totally mystified and highly pissed off.

After that, we went a museum and wandered off and left her until we eventually met about three hours later. At that point, I was counting the minutes until my plane ride home.

We had dinner at a famous restaurant that I'd wanted to visit. So, dinner was good because I was enjoying the moment and could have given a shit if she was even there.

After that, she took me back to my hotel. She was supposed to pick me up in the morning to take me to the airport, but she'd text msg'd me at 3 am to say that she was ill and I should take a cab. I was not surprised by this. I didn't call and have never heard from her since.

Between the flight, the hotel, the dinners, the cab fare, the museum (and there was a show I'd already paid for, too)...it was over $800 for a roughly 36 hour trip.

I would never call her again and if she called I haven't decided on whether I would bitch her out, not answer or just hang up on her.

My attitude at the moment. I'm not at the "I hate all women" point or anything like when I was a teenager.

I'm sort of at the "I find no attraction to women" point. Certainly not going to go gay or anything! Just sort of an asexual emotional position.

There's a woman that wants to go to coffee this week. I was set up with her. I'll do it but my heart and soul ain't in it.

[IndiReloaded]

Get back on that horse, Cam. Go for coffee.

Your date this weekend was a TOTAL bitch, its not you. She sounds completely lacking in common manners & uptight to boot.

She could have arranged to leave work a *bit* early, I'm sure, to come pick you up from the airport. Least she could do considering you were going to the effort to fly out for a visit. And turning down a glass of grog? When your restaurant was walking distance & she wasn't going to be driving for at least a couple more hours? Bah, strike two, right there.

And she didn't cook with you in the class?? Isn't the whole point of a visit to spend time together & get to know each other in different situations? Oh Cam, this gal is not up to your social level, I am so sorry to say. At least you have an indication how this woman would respond if she was upset w/you. She would apparently ignore & abandon you. You can do much better than this. I agree you have more than enough reason to cut bait and run from this one.

[shh!]

So, it didn't work... I thought after the great aunt story, she was history anyway???

In the interest of being able to take control over that which you CAN have control over, I wonder if it's a tiny bit possible this was a self-fulfilling prophecy: "In my lucid state, I fully realized that this weekend was already on the path to hell." Might this have affected your mood right from the outset? Also, by itself, this seems like an over-reaction to a woman not wanting to drink.

Unlike indi, I didn't see the big deal about hopping on a subway to your destination, but perhaps that is because I live in a city where indeed, that WOULD be a faster way to travel during rush hour. I suppose it might have been a nice gesture on her part, though... I suppose you could have just had your dinner date near the airport.

[starbuck]

Ugh. This woman sounds horrible and rude! If a guy were flying all that way to meet me, I'd probably take the day off from work if I could. And even if I was somehow feeling stressed out inside for whatever reason, I wouldn't take it out on him. I suspect emotional problems in this girl.

I can understand how you might feel numb after this totally unexpected encounter. Just remember that there is a wonderful girl out there somewhere for you. One who will have kindness and respect for you.

[CAM]

Ugh. This woman sounds horrible and rude! If a guy were flying all that way to meet me, I'd probably take the day off from work if I could. And even if I was somehow feeling stressed out inside for whatever reason, I wouldn't take it out on him. I suspect emotional problems in this girl.

I can understand how you might feel numb after this totally unexpected encounter. Just remember that there is a wonderful girl out there somewhere for you. One who will have kindness and respect for you.

I agree with you. I do deserve better...tons better. Very hard to find the good ones these days. I'll likely go to coffee this week, but I'm out of conversation after that last weekend. I'm still a bit numb and just happy to be in the silence of my house or at the gym or pool. I have a meeting in a half hour, so I'd better run along

[misombra]

where the hell do you find these people?

[CAM]

where the hell do you find these people?

God only knows. I really honestly try. Really.

But, 40+ women later and I haven't dated a normal one as of yet.