When you have a "thing" with a friend..

[SamT]

Hi guys, new here..just after some advice!

Ok, say if you have a mutual attraction with a friend, this 'thing' ...does that ever die?! Even when one has an SO?
Can the attraction between you grow, if your still close friends? (despite knowing its dangerous..)

Also, say if you even sneaked a quick kiss with the unavailable friend..With you pulling away, saying it wasnt right..The close friend would obv feel guilty right, but would their attraction towards the friend grow? Despite them possibly trying to forget it ever happened?

xx

[1averagejoe]

I'm soo confused with your post...but I'll just say that if a friend is attracted to another friend, it's usually something that doesn't go away. The friend that is attracted to them probably has feelings eating at them and it usually becomes worse.

As for the kiss, it's never right if someone's taken.

Anyways, I'm still confused with your post.

[SamT]

Umm ok, what part of my post confuses you?
The first or second half?

[Cain]

Usually, friendships don't work out when one of those friends has romantic feelings for the other... especially if the friend that doesn't have feelings has a SO.

[SamT]

No what i mean is, what if both friends have feelings for eachother..even when one has an SO..?

[Gribble]

Then they grow up and set that silly nonsense aside or they act on their emotions and utterly destroy a meaningful friendship.

[SamT]

wow, thats pretty harsh?

[IndiReloaded]

Then they grow up and set that silly nonsense aside or they act on their emotions and utterly destroy a meaningful friendship.

Yep, this^.

Sam, if she knows how you feel (which she obviously does if you've exchanged a kiss) and she stays with her BF, then you have no choice but to decently step back from her. You want more than friendship, IMO, and this will taint your interactions until you either find a GF of your own or she breaks up w/her BF & you get your chance.

Tho, personally, I've always thought it best in these situations for one or the other to honestly confess their feelings to the other and, ideally, to discuss the situation calmly. Not to act on the feelings, mind, but just to let their 'friend' know the deal. B/c at least that will allow the truth of the 'friendship' to come out, which is probably suspected by then anyway. Most ppl aren't that good at hiding their feelings, esp with someone they consider a close friend. So, either you will remain friends after this (and 'get over' your feelings) or you will distance yourself and learn to move on instead of living in some kind of weird limbo.

[IndiReloaded]

wow, thats pretty harsh?

Not harsh, just distilled down to the essential elements. I tried to explain a bit more in my post. Your situation isn't uncommon, so you know. Most ppl have been through some kind of variant of 'falling for a friend'.

[SamT]

Ok, I understand. Maybe i should explain the situation in more detail. Basically me and a friend have been getting close for about 5 months now. We txt a lot, and have talked about our 'situation'.

She's told me how strongly she feels for me, and thinks of me as this 'amazing guy' lol. Shes even cried her eyes out about the situation. As she doesnt know what to do?! And to be honest, neither do i...

We always seem to be resisting on doing anything. And i guess that one kiss was a slip-up.

I know what your going to say...If she has such strong feelings for you, then she would have broken up with her bf by now..Yes i guess thats true..but then, ive never asked her to, and never expected her to in some ways. Maybe thats why she doesnt know what to do?
I know she lves her bf, but i wonder if her feelings for me are going to continue to grow, even with him in the picture?!

Youo know, subconsicously i think she could be still with him because shes scared of losing something thats considerably going better than her past relationships?!

[misombra]

oooooooooooooooooo you guys are crossing the thin line.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXgoqG7ZU94"]YouTube - Thin Line ~ Jurassic 5 and Nelly Furtado[/ame]

[SamT]

lol, good song.. J5 are awesome...

Not sure if this applies, but we havent really been friends for a long time, and we werent really friends before..
Thing is, the attraction pretty much started the first time we met.
And that was about a year and a half ago!! Although back then, i had to make a run for it, as i had a gf..lol

But then we broke up, and after a while, one night..i spoke to her the whole night! and ever since....

[misombra]

you're smitten.

so let me get this straight. she has a boyfriend? you have a girlfriend?

spill please...

[SamT]

lol no, i used to have a girlfriend when we first met..

Fast forward about a year and a half...>>>

Now she has a boyfriend...

And on one night during a talk about 'us' she told me this whole thing started for her, about a year and a half ago?!

(when she initially tried it on with me, not knowing i was unavailable of course.)

[Cain]

If she loves her boyfriend, she wouldn't have kissed you.

Also, if you both have feelings for each other, it's completely wrong of her to stay friends with you while with another man.