She doesnt even want to try

[Ray75]

I just got dumped yesterday and it hurts like hell. I dont really need tips on how to mend a broken heart because I already know not to drink too much alcohol, keep myself motivated and go have fun. My problem goes a little deeper than that.

Normally I would just accept my losses and just move on. The problem is, she is pregnant. Through the pregnancy, she has become very hormonal and bickers about anything and everything. Bickering to the point that it caused some serious problems. Now i know i am not innocent but my problems stem from certain circumstances that has kept me down such as the death of my mother a little over a year ago after dropping my entire life to care for her because of stage 4 breast cancer.

Both of us have also been struggling through money and employemnt issues. In the state of Michigan, jobs have come few and far between. I am almost there though and almost have my old job back as well as in the meantime, I am going to do anything and everything to make money. I am also about to go back to college later this year so this never happens to me again. Her issue is a little worse because she is not really trying. She has had interviews that she is not followed up on and a couple that she did not even go on because she was sleeping. I understand that her son kept her up most of the night before the one and she is pregnant but that is no reason not to get up for an interview if that means making money. Now she doesnt even look because she says nobody is going to hire a pregnant woman. This is not true because I know a few people who have got their jobs while pregnant. She is also a believer of state aid which I am against unless somebody really needs it. I guess she plans on living on food stamps and child support. Is that the way to do it when I want to be there to support my family both financially and emotionally?

Now I am willing to work at this and make this relationship work. There are far too many single parents out there and it seems that this world is no longer about family values. We both have another child a piece. Mine was from my relationship of three and a half years which ended because she was messing around with somebody on the internet. Hers was with a relationship that she was in on and off for 14 years with somebody who is bi-polar and used to hit her. These circumstances are very different and it sucks that she will not give it a shot.

One problem is that she just made friends with my sons mom and I am sure she is telling her a bunch of BS. I think she is also getting the wrong advice from people and has the mentality that being a single parent is the way to do it. I believe that should only be the last resort unless there is violence or fighting in the relationship. Now if you really love somebody and tell them that you love them all the time, I do not understand why you are not willing to work on things when it gets a little rough. it is worth it in the end. Just because you were a single mother before, does not that is the way to do it. Especially since in this situation, I am a guy who is willing to fight for it. This is crazy. Isnt it usually the guy that leaves during a pregnancy?

She is also a religious person and says that god will show her the right path. The problem with that is that even though I believe in god, I also think we are also responsible for our own actions and god does not dictate what we do. I think we are given choices and he sits there seeing if we are going to make the right choice.

I am trying and trying to fight for this and have left her many emails. She has responded back in a few and says she just has to do this on her own. On her own really means moving out of my house and depending on friends and her ex. She doesnt even have a job and I will be working one really soon. After i get my IT degree, I will be making plenty of it and will live comfortable.

So now what happens? What if she is not willing to work on it and come back? How on earth is it ever going to sit right with me that this is the woman I love who has my child and one day she will be with somebody else? I mean i have to sit with her for the next 18 years because together or not, we still have a child together coming into this world.

Also who is going to want to be with somebody like me in the future? I have what many would call a lot of baggage. 2 children with two mothers. Dating was hard enough as a single parent of one.

[n2u4reelguy]

I amire your integrity however your woman lacks the same at this point; maybe she's thinking the grass is greener on the other side; soonds 2me like you've done all you can; stay supportive of her and continue to let your feeling be known to her by your actions; secondly. a man that takes care of his kids doesn't have baggage; that's call resposibities! I wish u the best

[shh!]

She sounds pretty disgusting to me, to be honest. I can't imagine why you'd want her. Anyway, it doesn't sound like this is a problem with a solution. All you can do at this point is damage control.

Pity for all those poor babies that you guys are fertile. Maybe you should consider adoption? It doesn't sound like either of you are in a position to offer children what they need.

[lesa]

I'll say it again: I am afraid of marriage and children and will probably be doomed for life because of it. First comes love, and then comes marriage and later children.

However, I'll continue to date and have relationships

[Mish]

So now what happens?

You move on

What if she is not willing to work on it and come back? How on earth is it ever going to sit right with me that this is the woman I love who has my child and one day she will be with somebody else?

The same way you dealt with your ex. Keep moving forward, not back

Also who is going to want to be with somebody like me in the future? I have what many would call a lot of baggage. 2 children with two mothers. Dating was hard enough as a single parent of one.

I'm guessing other single parents will be somebody who may want to be with you. You will just have to look a little harder and spend more time getting to know the people you date to make better choices in the future.