Is it possible to fall back in love again?

[Satch]

If someone is deeply in love with you, then falls out of love with you over a seemingly short period of time, is it possible for that person to fall in love with you again.

Obviously anything is possible, but how possible is it? Has this happened to any other members? Is time apart the key?

[little_red_sox]

Speaking from experience, yes. But i think it was more of a case of not realsing how much i loved him untill id lost him. I dont think its humanly possible to 'just stop' loving somebody... even if you think you have.
Speaking from a womans' perspective, if you think you dont love your boyfriend/lover/husband, your realtionship is probably just going through a plateau phase.. sex gets less often, you feel a little bored ect, and i promise you that this will pass. This happened to me in my very first relationship and i wasnt sure what was happening.. I assumed i wasnt happy and left him, and ive spent every day regretting it since.
Seeing someone else as happy as he made me is gutting. I let it all go, and all i had to do was sit him down and talk it through with him.
External things get on top of your relationship, but your relationship is the solid base you can always fall back on. You dont know what it means to you until its been taken away from you, and its devistating knowing that you were resposible for its breakdown. the grass is NEVER greener on the other side

[Satch]

Hmm. I wish you could talk to my ex girlfriend little_red_sox.

She claims that after 2.5 years, she does not love me anymore and has 'grown away from me'. But she does not know why. She reckons that she has no feelings for me anymore, and started having doubts two months ago. Really hard to understand given our relationship was very intense. She never showed any signs during these two months which has bewildered me. I am still deeply in love with her and miss her with every day that passes.

It is good to get the perspective of a female on this. Anyone else care to comment?

[little_red_sox]

I am sorry to hear you are going through this, Satch.. You must feel how my ex was feeling when i daunted this on him. Perhaps you could give her the space she feels as though she needs, but be there for her when she realises her true feelings towards you. Dont let her see you as 'desperate' or a doormat, for the want of a better word, as this may push her away.
I wish my ex had given me that chance, but I have come to understand that one of the stages of the healing process is anger, which quickly turns to hatred. I left it too late and he wouldnt have me back.
I think that what you really need to decide is wether you are prepared to wait for her to make her mind up about wether she wants to be with you or not.. you need to think wether this will alter you self respect or wether she may think she can do this to you again. I may sound like a hypocrit, but i have come to understand why my ex cut me off, but i believe everyone deserves the right to make a mistake.
If she cant give you a reason for the split, i feel as though you may end up in a similar situation as i was. If she decides to come back (and be prepared for that) then make it clear that a similar situation can never be repeated. If she doesnt, then just remember that what is for you will never go by you, and neither this woman or your ex wife will truly make you happy.

[Satch]

Are you sure you don't want to talk to my ex? I could give you her phone number

I pray everyday that she will realise her love for me is still there and let me know. Nothing would make me a happier man. Nothing.

But if she did ever come back, I'd have to be sure in my mind that it wasn't for the wrong reasons. We'd have to do some serious talking, and I would insist on relationship councelling. I could never go through something like this again with her. It hurts too much.

[Rach]

I think anything is possible, BUT if that person loves/loved you why would they need to "fall out of love" just to see that? It shouldn't take losing you once to show them that they really need/love you. Just my opinion....

[Satch]

I'm not sure I follow you Rach, although my head is pretty screwed up at the moment...

[Rach]

Reading that again, I can see how your confused...lol I just mean if it takes you losing someone to realize you really love them, do you deserve a second chance with them?

It shouldn't take losing them to show you how much you love them....is what I'm trying to say in a nutshell....

[little_red_sox]

To a point, rach.. i agree with you. I didnt 'dereve' a second chance with him after the hurt id caused, although id have given anything to have one.
It 'shouldnt' take a break up for people to realise their feelings, but it happens. It happened to me. I dont think for a minute that what i did was right or justifiable, its just the way i felt. To think that he had any obligation to take me back WAS unforgiveably wrong and selfish, and i dont blame him for rejecting me.

[BillyGalbreath]

ok - here's the deal with that one. Someone can be in love with someone and then start to wonder what it would be like to do osmething different, perhaps move on. This is the feeling of falling out of love, but in fact its not. So then that person will leave, and then they will start to realize they never stopped loving you and they will come crawling back.

I have done this once. But by the time I came crawling back it was too late. (2 years is WAY too late for something like that)

Best thing to do in a situation like this is to do what I do. Play by the rules of "Its over". No matter if your the one who left, or if someone left you. Never go back - its never the same.

[Satch]

All good points people. I guess I feel that my ex reached the 'plateau phase' and feels that she has fallen out of love for me. I'm prepared to wait to a point for her to realise this, because I love her so much.

I've also read somewhere that it sometimes takes people to see their loved ones with a broken heart before they can see that they really care for them. This is a cruel way to get confirmation though...

[SiR.B]

I've also read somewhere that it sometimes takes people to see their loved ones with a broken heart before they can see that they really care for them. This is a cruel way to get confirmation though...

That's not love, that's pity.

My ex (1.5 year relationship, ended 2 months ago) put me through absolute hell, it would take pages to describe just how much. At its peak though, our love was extremely intense. I would prefer to be without her than for her to change her ways because she saw how broken hearted/upset I was.

Even though I left her, it doesn't change the fact that she broke my heart. I'm better off without her despite my love, and so is anyone who has been dumped, unloved, or uncared for. How can you trust someone ever again who tore your heart out?

B.

[mrnobody]

I think this is an interesting question... Can you fall back in love with some after you break up? I think it depends on the circumstances on how you guys left off in the relationship, and how your relationship was as a whole. I don't it'd be possible for me.. I'm struggling in the state of Limbo...

[dbrckovi]

I think it is possible but I'm not sure if this can be called "falling back in love".

I can't speak from my own experience becouse my relationships were all too short to develop some strong feelings, but I have several more experienced (female and male) friends who shared their experience with me and helped me go through this time of pain which is BTW still not over.

May friend was in a serious relationship for almost 2 years when his g/f told him she doesn't love him anymore, without any appearant reason. He was devastated for almost 2 months, and all this time he was "crawling" after her and almost begging her to come back but she was more and more uninterested. She even said she hates him for being so obsesed. When he saw there's no point he tried to move on with his life. He started to go out with us (his friends), met few girls and he was succesfully recovering.
After 2 more months she came crawling back to him saying she made a huge mistake.
He took her back after he told her he won't tolerate this next time and now, about 6 months after they're back together, they are happier than ever. She looks more in love with him than ever before.

My other friend (female) said that she did the same to her b/f, and she still doesn't know why she "fell out of love" with im. She only knows that more he tried to get back to her, she was less interested in going back to him. When he finally gave up on her, she panicked and realised what she is loosing and she got back to him.
Now they are happily married and have 2 months old child.

I know some other similar scenarios, but they all have the same conclusion. If the person was really in love and suddenly "fell out of love" he/she will come back when they realise what they are loosing. The only problem is if they realise that too late.

I am currently in a kinda same situation, but my relationship lasted for only 2.5 months
before she became unsure so maybe this don't qualify for this discusion.
However I decided I'll let her go and wait if she comes back.
Maybe this strategy works on short relationships as well.

The interesting thing is that in every similar case I have heard of, girl was the one who was not sure.

Maybe girls (as natural choosers of their partners) have some point in their relationship where they want to see other options before they can decide for sure.
I mean. On some raw animal level, male only wants to spread his seed, but female is the one which has to choose the best seed for her potential children.
At least this is how I tried to explain it to myself.

[Satch]

Hi dbrckovi,

Thanks for your post. It is a fantastic one, full of stories with good endings. This is something that most readers here, as well as myself, will be interested to read.(and want to read!!!) You have brought a smile to this readers face at least, so I thank you again.

Surely there must be other happy ending stories like these ones out there? If anyone else cares to share them, then you will be doing a good service for the rest of us.

Thanks for reading...