move on or reconcile in the future

[survivor08]

Can you win back your ex wife after a tumultuous relationship. I have been with my significant other (not formerly married but went thru a private, spiritual ceremony to profess our love for one another) for close to 4 years. Things started pretty good at the beginning stages, the trouble started once I started to loose patience for her emotional ups and downs, (about a year into the relationship) and she got hurt from my quick to react temper, and vindictive communication during arguments. She says my mean words pushed her away. I moved out of the home about a month ago…started seeing a therapist to face my issues.Last week she told me there is no need for us to plan a reconciliation because she no longer loves me, that she wants to move on. Yesterday we met again and I packed all my stuff from the home.


Last night she told me she wants me to be strong. I take it she wants be to be strong so I can move on as well? Or be strong and show her I can be the person she initially saw in me? Any chance of her changing her mind? By the way, this makes no. 2 divorce/separation, plus another failed serious relationship) and no. 2 divorce/separation for me as well…I am concerned about a trend here….We both have emotional issues we need to deal with. I am working on mine, she said she would seek therapy on her own….I am having a really hard time letting go of the woman I love and feel helpless.

She is a witness of domestic violence as a child. So she can be very emotional at times, and very withdrawn at others...

As a result she is very good at acting strong and maybe she is...but I want to think she is also wanting to neglect her true feelings...lol

She stuck around with me as I nursed a serious illness...lifethreating...which left an emotional scar that I am fighting to fight back still today
Possible to reconcile at a future time once I get my self together and be the man she say in me at first?

This is not the first time I partially moved out...It happened while we were waiting to close on a home that we bought...I stayed away 2-3 weeks and we were supposed to start over...We did but again we failed (I did not hold to my end of the bargain she says...)

[Cain]

She told you she doesn't love you anymore. What more do you want her to tell you?

[survivor08]

she has already told me this before. Then months later we we are a fertility clinic trying to start a family....

She says that if we she had to get back together she would have to start all over...
Were is the FRICKING COMMITMENT in this society. For better or for worse? I am trying to avoid another divorce/separation as a promise to God. And out of love.

[Cain]

she has already told me this before. Then months later we we are a fertility clinic trying to start a family....

She says that if we she had to get back together she would have to start all over...
Were is the FRICKING COMMITMENT in this society. For better or for worse? I am trying to avoid another divorce/separation as a promise to God. And out of love.

Don't blame this near finished marriage on her lack of commitment. Blame it on your temper and mean spirited commens when you're mad.

[IndiReloaded]

Can you win back your ex wife after a tumultuous relationship.

Sorry... but was this your actual question?

The answer is yes. But it requires commitment. Usually, the problem is communication styles. Seek a counsellor for help.

[Mish]

Can you win back your ex wife after a tumultuous relationship.

It's posible, but do you really want to?

Before you answer, bear in mind that a "yes" will bear an enormous amount of comittment and determination on your part to not only win her back, but to fix a lot of deep seated personal flaws that caused these issues in the first place.

[survivor08]

It's posible, but do you really want to?

Before you answer, bear in mind that a "yes" will bear an enormous amount of comittment and determination on your part to not only win her back, but to fix a lot of deep seated personal flaws that caused these issues in the first place.

Yes, I really want to. She stayed by my side during a really difficult moment in my life because of life threathening health issues...I became distraught over the situation and am seeing a therapist for all of this.

My last conversation with her was that If I got my stuff together (career back, financial indenpendence...therapy, became happy again, stayed healthy and could TAKE CARE OF HER like a man is expected if she would explore things with me...check it out...she said Yes, She would, but not till months..months into the future...

Then that night I get the text "I am praying for God to make you strong" Double meaning...1. be strong move on... 2. Be strong do the things you need to do and show me...

[survivor08]

Don't blame this near finished marriage on her lack of commitment. Blame it on your temper and mean spirited commens when you're mad.

Yes I blame myself for it...and feel really bad about it now. But I am working on controlling this....

[Cain]

Yes I blame myself for it...and feel really bad about it now. But I am working on controlling this....

You need to make sure it's gone before you get into this relationship if she comes back to you, because the first time you have an outburst she's going to leave again.

[survivor08]

I am a firm YES. and ready to kick myself in the but and regain my motivation. therapy is a start.

The question is how do I get her interested in talking to me again.
after I moved out, we met up for coffee a couple of times within a couple of weeks but I did not handled it well as I gave her grief...I should have played it cool I know...now she wants no communication for a while....

Anybody recommend a book to read up to help manage this process? Getting her back? I am all ears...

It's posible, but do you really want to?

Before you answer, bear in mind that a "yes" will bear an enormous amount of comittment and determination on your part to not only win her back, but to fix a lot of deep seated personal flaws that caused these issues in the first place.

[IndiReloaded]

"How to Date Your Wife". Its on Amazon.

Basically, you need to make her romantically interested in you again. This book will give you ideas. The actual doing part is up to you, tho.

[survivor08]

Heal Your Relationship...Good Book...

Now I have to give her her space....although it does not look good for me....

[survivor08]

So over my weekend She calls me to wish me a happy birthday. She just had gotten back from her "vacation" to run away from it all...I was stuck heart broken. Then when she gets back into town she calls me to tell me it is not a good idea to go to dinner and says she jumped the gun...acted on a whim because it was my birthday. I was hoping for some time to meet up and was ready to make her feel loved, appreciated and welcomed. Lost my chance at that.

So over the phone I had to ask her to forgive me for runing the relationship, and that I was sorry myself for not making her feel loved, and appreciated. THERE IS THE ISSUE THAT SHE GOT TIRED OF BEING THE CARETAKER AND LEAD PROVIDER IN THE RELATIONSHIP AND THAT I WAS UNABLE TO MOVE FORWARD AND BECOME STRONG AFTER MY ILLNESS..This hurts a bit, but she does have a point as I have rellied a bit too much on her, now I am rallying around trying to get back on my feet and becoming strong...

Anyways, long berviage, I told her that the relationship was very important to me and that I wanted to work on it wheter we were together or not, that I was looking for something that would work for both of us...SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE Could be a friend, but that she wants to move on with her life. I am taking this a positive sign, better to be friends, and have the opportunity to spend time together in the future once I work on myself more and show her that I am changing.... love does grow out of friendship. Friends are telling me to wait, give her her space, be patient, and work on myself, and that she will come around once she realizes she still has strong feelings for me...or the other side of the coin is it was not meant to be.... bummed...

[starbuck]

Your friends are right. She needs time to see that you are changing because right now it's probably too soon for her to see a difference in you. It's not enough to just tell her, you need to give her a chance to see you acting the part. It might take some time, but there's no reason not to be hopeful if you're taking active steps to change and become a healthier person.

[survivor08]

Thaks for all those that have replied with positive commnets (all comments actually..)

I am posting here to make some sort of a blog posting on my breakup...and where things may lead.

before the weekend the ex calls (I did not pick up) she sounded kind of sad, and wanted to know if I could babysit her dogs since she would not be able to because of out of town work responsibilities...

I VM her letting her know that I would be more than happy to dog sit, but I had made plans and I couldn't do it this wekeend...I did say I missed her on my voice mail....

Since she did not call me back to confirm which weekend she needed help I called back...and over the phone she sounded kind of bitter, saying she had taken care of the situation..that she forgot that she is now ALONE and that she needed to learn to be self sufficient...I of course defused her attitude and stressed how I will always be there for her to help in any way that I can...she said she was having a tough day...and so we left it a such...no help needed from me this time...

A couple of hours later she calls back apologizing for her attitude, saying she was bitchy and bothered from issues happening that day and that she did not mean to give me attitude...I reinforzed that again I was there for here...her reply (as usual) was to say "YES I KNOW" that you are here for me... she sounded nicer on the phone this time...

I take this as a positive development since our break up...as the ex is realizing that it will tough for her to be on her own....and that since she is calling me for favors she realizes that she is missing me some what.....and since I let her know that I had plans, she is alos realizing that while I am heart broken, I too, am keeping active and doing stuff (that I would have loved her to be part of) with friends and being active....

Still, I don't call her, I only return calls or talk to her when she calls because she has to.

But I would love to write her a letter saying how I am doing much better and working on a plan to improve my life and how I have learned some life lessons thru her and am changing for the better...better for her to see it than hear it huh?