Why might this happen...

[post graduate]

Hi, I broke up with this girl a while back and I'm just trying to look for some answers as to why she did what she did and why I'm over her, but still think about her...

We dated for about three months and during that time period, and I don't know if she loved me, but we never said it, made me promise that I wouldn't enlist into the military, and that we would have a lasting long relationship. When we broke up she told me that she didn't want a relationship/wasn't ready for one, that she wouldnt date or kiss any other guy and that she would tell me when she was ready to start dating again. So we stayed friends called each other, hung out, I did everything for her, was there when she needed me (i.e. when she got into a huge fight with her dad she called me at 3 in the morning to talk about it). But she would call less and less, which made me call her more and more to see what the hell was going on.... a couple of months after we broke up I opened up to her, which is what she wanted me to do when we were dating, and told her how I still had strong feelings for her, couldn't stop thinking about her, etc. etc. etc. Then I called her one day and some guy picked up the phone and told me to get the * * * * out of her life, which is what she wanted him to say to me, she said that she was already in a relationship, and then she told me that she was afraid of me and that if I ever came close to her again that she would call the cops on me, this happened about a week after I opened up to her. One night I sent her a stupid nasty little text and my buddy from JROTC texted me back saying to F off and that they were dating. Then, soon after that her best friend called my best friend to tell him that she wasn't going out with my JROTC friend, that actually she started dating somebody 2-3 days after we broke up. Her best friend also told me that my ex purposely played mind games with me and that her friend told her to stop, but she didn't and kept playing mind games with me... so for two months she led me on, lied to me, played mind games with me, and used me.

Now let me tell you a little about the girl becasue it could be something psychological...

She was raped when she was 12, her ex that she dated for three years put her in hospital three times from beating her, did drugs (crack a couple of times, E, and did marjuana every day freshman and sophmore year, but quit... (I think she started up again after we broke up), she smokes like a chimney, and drinks practically every night. She was 12 when she started dating her ex-boyfriend of three years and he was 5 years older than her... but wait it gets wierder... she ended up moving in with him and his family and when they broke up she told his mom, "she couldn't keep taking care of him." Then she moved out and went back to her parents and a year later I met her....

Obviously I'm better off with out her and I did enlist becasue thats what I always wanted to do, I guess she was holding me back, but has anybody ever dealt with something like this? Or might remotely know what possessed her to do this?

[Cain]

I don't buy into all this psychological bullshit. I know that it can impact someone's life and cause them to need counseling, but I hate how people use that excuse for everything that is negative in their life. My gf was raped twice before she was 15 years old, and then nearly raped again (luckily a friend of hers saw what was happening as it was at a frat house.. and it was the last time she ever went to one) in college. She had an abusive boyfriend, both physically and emotionally, for four years... and she has never done this to me. If I didn't know what happened in her past, I'd have had no clue this stuff happened.

Also, how old is your ex currently? And how old are you?

[post graduate]

She is 17 now and I'm 19, we're a year and a half apart.

[Cain]

She's just immature. Stay away.

[starbuck]

I don't know if my situation compares, but my last ex had all sorts of psychological and drug problems, plus a head injury and abuse in his past. I could drive myself crazy trying to figure out why he did the things he did because none of them made any sense, looking back. Here's what I've learned:

At the end of the day, does it really matter? You'll probably never be able to figure out exactly why she did those things. The important thing to remember is that you are better off without this person in your life.

You got caught up in her drama. I'd try to stop thinking about her if I were you. Let her be someone else's problem.

[Aegis]

That's good advice; steer yourself away from the wrecks unless you want to turn into one.