broken inside!

[swimgrl]

I am new to this so i hope i don't mess things up, but I really need advice...
>This school year i hooked up with a boy on my floor. I guess you could say that i was considered the home wrecker because he had a girlfriend that he dumped to get a chance with me. He was my first boyfriend, and i fell hard in love with him. we had a really serious relationship, talking about love, and the future and all. He didn't always do or say things that were nice, but i always took it as joking because i thought he truly loved me to. Even his friends and my friends told me that he was an ass to me...but i just found him to be a lovable ass. i was excepting of his flaws.
>This summer i had to take a summer class away from home because the credits wouldn't transfer unless it was at this school. He had to work in the same town that i had school in, so as dumb as it sounds i moved in with him. Things were fine. We never really fought. But after awhile i felt used and unappreciated. He would expect me to have the house clean when he got home from work. If we went out for dinner i would usually be the one paying for it. And yet through all of that i still really loved him, ALLOT!
>He started to kind of grow distant and spent allot of time on his computer. i started to get nervous about the fact that maybe living together might wreck our relationship, so i looked into other places i could live. One night i found a place and thought it would be a good idea so i brought it up with him. He hated the idea. But somewhere in the midst of the conversation he drops it on me that he wants to take a break. I was shocked i never saw it coming. He left to go on a walk when he got back he asked me to stay over at a friend house that night because he needed time to think. he told me his parents where going threw a rough time and he didn't trust relationships and just needed a break.
>I respected his wishes but it was hard. i didn't sleep or eat for the next two days. finally when he let me come back to his house, he said he just needed time to think and everything would be alright, "lets just be friends for awhile". He started spending more and more time on his computer.
>one of the days he came home for lunch and when he left, he left his computer on and opened. i know it was wrong but when i went on facebook, there was a message he wrote to his last girlfriend bagging to get back with her. He said things like she was the only one he has ever cared about and other things that just made me feel like our relationship was all just a joke. I was hurt. I moved out that night. when he asked me why i told him i had found the letter, he said that it was just his way if making amends with her. I still felt hurt but at the same time i still loved him.
>One of the nights he had been talking to my new roommate and told her that he had started getting feelings back for his old girlfriend, and with how fast our relationship went he never really had time to get over her. That i understand and respect his feeling...but why couldn't he have just talk to me about it, rather then make up lies about his parents going threw a rough time when they weren't. why do boys feel that they have to keep so many secrets?
>We are officially on break now, but its killing me inside. He tells all his friends that we aren't dating, and talks about other girls that he thinks is hot right in front of me, it really hurts me.He wants to be friends. I want to be more but I'm not going to push the fact. the only thing thats really bothering me, is he still calls me everyday, still needs to know everything that i am doing or where I'm going, and he wont let me go out with friends. If he just wants to be friends why is he still soooooo concerned over the fact that i just might move on and hook up with someone else. I don't want to move on i want to be with him, but maybe the healthy thing for me to do is to move on, but why wont he let me. And with how shitty he treats me, why do i still have such strong feelings for him?

[shh!]

Why are you allowing him to control you? You sound like a doormat.

You will probably hear from some people that you deserve this because you interfered in someone else's relationship, but I think you can do better. Hopefully you now recognize that a guy who dumps his girlfriend for you may be more than you bargain for. He treated her with disrespect, and then he treated YOU with disrespect. His behavior was consistent, and if you learned your lesson, you will understand that it is important to pay attention to how males treat other females.

Stop trying to be friends with him. It will never work, and you will never get what you want. All you are doing now is feeding his ego and humiliating yourself. Save your dignity hun, and cut all ties.

As for WHY you put up with him - I think a small part of you is gaining some degree of self-esteem by having him around. If he turns out to be a great guy after you rehabilitate him, then you get to look like a saint. If he treats you like crap, you get to look like a victim. Just stop it. Earn your self-esteem the old-fashioned way - personal development.

[anachronistic]

I am new to this so i hope i don't mess things up, but I really need advice...
>This school year i hooked up with a boy on my floor. I guess you could say that i was considered the home wrecker because he had a girlfriend that he dumped to get a chance with me. He was my first boyfriend, and i fell hard in love with him. we had a really serious relationship, talking about love, and the future and all. He didn't always do or say things that were nice, but i always took it as joking because i thought he truly loved me to. Even his friends and my friends told me that he was an ass to me...but i just found him to be a lovable ass. i was excepting of his flaws.
>This summer i had to take a summer class away from home because the credits wouldn't transfer unless it was at this school. He had to work in the same town that i had school in, so as dumb as it sounds i moved in with him. Things were fine. We never really fought. But after awhile i felt used and unappreciated. He would expect me to have the house clean when he got home from work. If we went out for dinner i would usually be the one paying for it. And yet through all of that i still really loved him, ALLOT!
>He started to kind of grow distant and spent allot of time on his computer. i started to get nervous about the fact that maybe living together might wreck our relationship, so i looked into other places i could live. One night i found a place and thought it would be a good idea so i brought it up with him. He hated the idea. But somewhere in the midst of the conversation he drops it on me that he wants to take a break. I was shocked i never saw it coming. He left to go on a walk when he got back he asked me to stay over at a friend house that night because he needed time to think. he told me his parents where going threw a rough time and he didn't trust relationships and just needed a break.
>I respected his wishes but it was hard. i didn't sleep or eat for the next two days. finally when he let me come back to his house, he said he just needed time to think and everything would be alright, "lets just be friends for awhile". He started spending more and more time on his computer.
>one of the days he came home for lunch and when he left, he left his computer on and opened. i know it was wrong but when i went on facebook, there was a message he wrote to his last girlfriend bagging to get back with her. He said things like she was the only one he has ever cared about and other things that just made me feel like our relationship was all just a joke. I was hurt. I moved out that night. when he asked me why i told him i had found the letter, he said that it was just his way if making amends with her. I still felt hurt but at the same time i still loved him.
>One of the nights he had been talking to my new roommate and told her that he had started getting feelings back for his old girlfriend, and with how fast our relationship went he never really had time to get over her. That i understand and respect his feeling...but why couldn't he have just talk to me about it, rather then make up lies about his parents going threw a rough time when they weren't. why do boys feel that they have to keep so many secrets?
>We are officially on break now, but its killing me inside. He tells all his friends that we aren't dating, and talks about other girls that he thinks is hot right in front of me, it really hurts me.He wants to be friends. I want to be more but I'm not going to push the fact. the only thing thats really bothering me, is he still calls me everyday, still needs to know everything that i am doing or where I'm going, and he wont let me go out with friends. If he just wants to be friends why is he still soooooo concerned over the fact that i just might move on and hook up with someone else. I don't want to move on i want to be with him, but maybe the healthy thing for me to do is to move on, but why wont he let me. And with how shitty he treats me, why do i still have such strong feelings for him?

It seems like the flags were pretty obvious, especially if his own friends were pointing out that he is an asshole to you. You won't always get hints like that, and you probably should have taken their words for it.

As Shh put it, you were being quite a doormat - we don't say that to be offensive; when you're first getting into your love life, and you haven't had a boyfriend/girlfriend before, it is very easy to be a doormat, because you're so ready to get out there and commit to yourself. Don't feel like you have to accept any flaws... if something really bothers you about a guy, you shouldn't be seeing him.

Also, a guy who breaks up with his girlfriend to get with you, is more than likely the same kind of guy that will break up with you to get with someone else... your case is living evidence of that. I know you probably don't want to hear it, but he will continue to do the same thing to more girls, until he does it to some psychotic, vengeful bitch. Eventually it will come around and bite him back.

It's in your best interest to just forget about him. Hopefully you don't have any mutual friends, otherwise it will be very difficult to be around him. I had the same thing happen with a couple that I was friends with. We were all friends. When they broke up, though, the girl basically eliminated her friendship with everybody because she is the same kind of person that your boyfriend seems to be. We don't see her very much anymore, and I am actually convinced that she went to a different college. I think your boyfriend will do the exact same thing.

Be aware of the experience you gained out of this relationship; I am sure you will replace him with someone better. There's lots of crappy people out there, just gotta watch out for yourself.

[Cain]

He might have been an asshole, and I'm not debating that, but what goes around comes around. You got what you deserved.