My Options

[Mish]

Mish, even in terrible situations such as this one, I still believe that parents can come to some kind of compromise where the kids benefit from the presence of both parents. Even if they don't Love each other (a meaning that comes/goes & changes over the years anyway). They just have to want to make it a priority. For those who don't, it boils down to selfishness, really. They choose their own happiness over their kids. How any responsible parent could ever make that Hobson's choice is beyond me.

Personally, I don't understand how this would work without a seperation in situation discribed in this thread. Technically she has already seperated from him by leaving him and pursuing another man. How can a relationship work in that circumstance? In this particular situation I think kid's well being should be maintained while both ex partners live their seperate lives away from each other.

Hell, even the most miserable couples could come to an arrangement whereby they stay married until the children grow up.

I don't think miserable couples (like this one) can come to an arrangement. If they did then they wouldn't be miserable. Their lack of proper communication skills is what makes them become miserable in the first place.

[shh!]

He could choose to look the other way... give her her sexual independence, stop fcuking her if he wants, and move on.

[Mish]

Above options are no longer a relationship, it's living separate lives seperately

[shh!]

Well, it's a different sort of relationship of course. Who is disputing that?

[Cain]

Honestly, I couldn't stay living with someone for 15 years if I didn't love them and didn't want to stay with them. Divorce doesn't have as big of an impact on children as some people like to believe. As long as the parents aren't playing tug of war with the children, of course.

[shh!]

Ripping apart a child's family doesn't have much of an impact? I disagree. So do most experts.

[Cain]

The impact that divorce has on children will vary from child to child. The experts disagree on the subject. They don't all come to the consensus that divorce is going to screw the kids up. It just needs to be done responsibly. If both parents abandon responsibility when they divorce then of course the child will have problems. It also depends on the age and maturity development of the child.

People should make better decisions on who they marry. To be expected to stay in a marriage when the other person has done something like cheat is unrealistic. I wouldn't.

[misombra]

with my parents, the fact that they were divorced was nothing compared to the pain of their hate for one another.

[lesa]

This thread is an example of why I fear having children or even marriage.

[Tedel]

This thread is an example of why I fear having children or even marriage.

Easy solution, have them with me. I'm not that kind of guy.

[shh!]

But you all are assuming there are only two options in a marriage: be madly in love with your partner, or madly in hate. Obviously if people are madly in hate, they are not going to be able to provide a decent living arrangement for their children, and the kids are better off if they separate. The kids are going to have issues anyway because they were raised in a hateful household.

Kids do better when they have two parents involved (married or no) and don't respond well to having their lives disrupted except in extreme circumstances. I simply think the extreme circumstances can be avoided if you are talking about two mature individuals.

[Cain]

I'm sure my opinion will change when I have kids, but I can't imagine myself being married to someone I don't love... for any reason.

[shh!]

Yeah, I was just thinking that it is pretty hard to imagine how much your way of thinking changes when you have kids, and how much you are willing to sacrifice for their benefit.

[Cain]

Yeah, I was just thinking that it is pretty hard to imagine how much your way of thinking changes when you have kids, and how much you are willing to sacrifice for their benefit.

I hope that I never have to find out. I'd rather my current relationship not end up like that.

[Mish]

Well, it's a different sort of relationship of course. Who is disputing that?

It's not "a" relationship anymore. If two people are living two seperate lives seperately, what's the point of them living under the same roof? If both partners have a marriage with bfs / gfs there is no point staying together anymore. It would be less destructive for the kids if they seperate completely then if they stay together.