I am falling apart

[mzslj1]

I feel like I am falling apart.

Started seriously dating a guy and things were good in the beginning but into the relationship 3 months. He confessed that his ex fiance was going to call me because he had been persuing her and she thought that I should know. She never called but at that point I gave him an ultimatum that it was going to either be me or her and he chose to stay with me.

The problem is that we have been together now 1 yr 1/2 and we live together and every so often, she seems to pop up someway or another. They belong to the same church, and for a while he never wanted me to go to church with him (she goes there). After a while he would let me go but I could tell, he was soooo uncomfortable.

Now this girl, has moved on with her life. She has a man and she (I heard is now engaged). He claims that he is over her, and I don't get the sense that there is anything physical going on but I know (and he won't admit it) there is still an emotional connection.

Just last week he left his e-mail up and I saw that he had been sending her pictures of him, sending songs expressing how he felt about her. When i confronted him, he said that there was an incident and for a moment it brought back feelings. What am I to do? I feel like I can't compete with this girl. What does she have on him that he can't let go? Her new boyfriend/fiance attends the church. Why can't he let her go?

If I bring up her name he gets so angry. His friends and family have all told me she was no good for him and they ALL hate her. What does she have that I don't?

I ask him about us having a future together and he tells me that he needs to get himself together and let God bring us together but here he is can't let go of an ex who has moved on with someone else. By the way, the man she is with is the man she cheated with and left my boyfriend for.

[IndiReloaded]

By the way, the man she is with is the man she cheated with and left my boyfriend for.

He's got a lot of ego wrapped up in this gal, esp if she dumped him.

Unavailable is unavailable, emotionally or otherwise.

If this gal dumped her current BF, claiming she made a mistake & wanted your BF back, where do you think that would leave you?

Be honest.

Ouch, yes?

You are PlanB girl. Sorry, you need to move on. Because he's obviously not.

[Mish]

I ask him about us having a future together and he tells me that he needs to get himself together and let God bring us together but here he is can't let go of an ex who has moved on with someone else. By the way, the man she is with is the man she cheated with and left my boyfriend for.

Well, if he needs to get himself together, then he needs to get himself together, there's not much you can do about that. Maybe best thing to do is to leave him until he does.

[Steven M.]

Dude is an idiot if he is still hung on a girl that cheated on him, and meanwhile he is neglecting a great thing that he already has.

I feel bad for you and I can certainly see your dilemma, sorry I can't provide any great advice though to help you

[misombra]

dump him.

next time, don't move in so fast. how long have you been living with him?

[Cain]

I ask him about us having a future together and he tells me that he needs to get himself together

Translation: I need to make sure there's no chance that my ex and I can get back together before getting more serious with you.

[Steven M.]

dump him.

Why does it seem like that is everyone's first automatic response to most questions on this forum? Nothing personal, but I can all but guarantee that atleast one time in every thread here someone says something along the lines of "dump him/her!".

I mean truly.....I think it would be awesome if love and human emotion was just THAT SIMPLE. That obvious and matter of the fact, but its not. You don't just cut emotional ties, its just not that simple.

Personally, I think he needs to take a good wallop upside the head, maybe that would straighten him up....get some frustration out aswell....

[Cain]

Why does it seem like that is everyone's first automatic response to most questions on this forum? Nothing personal, but I can all but guarantee that atleast one time in every thread here someone says something along the lines of "dump him/her!".

I mean truly.....I think it would be awesome if love and human emotion was just THAT SIMPLE. That obvious and matter of the fact, but its not. You don't just cut emotional ties, its just not that simple.

Personally, I think he needs to take a good wallop upside the head, maybe that would straighten him up....get some frustration out aswell....

Because people usually post negative things here. People don't feel the need to post their positive stories. What should we say? "Yeah, stay with the guy that seems to be emotionally attached to his ex, and hopefully you don't get dumped after wasting another year with him!" ?

[Steven M.]

What should we say?

Actual advice or suggestions that could help the situation, beyond the obvious "dump him". Be supportive, be human, share ideas and experiences.

[Cain]

Actual advice or suggestions that could help the situation, beyond the obvious "dump him". Be supportive, be human, share ideas and experiences.

Dump him is advice. There are plenty of times where advice that doesn't involve leaving the person is given. I, however, won't give advice on staying in the relationship if I think leaving the relationship and finding someone else is best. There are far too many options out in the world for someone to settle on something that is constantly giving them trouble.

[misombra]

Why does it seem like that is everyone's first automatic response to most questions on this forum? Nothing personal, but I can all but guarantee that atleast one time in every thread here someone says something along the lines of "dump him/her!".

I mean truly.....I think it would be awesome if love and human emotion was just THAT SIMPLE. That obvious and matter of the fact, but its not. You don't just cut emotional ties, its just not that simple.

Personally, I think he needs to take a good wallop upside the head, maybe that would straighten him up....get some frustration out aswell....

he's obsessed with another person. so much so that he'll go to church alone without his girlfriend so he can try to stalk someone else.

besides, nobody has to listen to me. if it were me, i would dump his ass.

[Mish]

Why does it seem like that is everyone's first automatic response to most questions on this forum? Nothing personal, but I can all but guarantee that atleast one time in every thread here someone says something along the lines of "dump him/her!".

I think it's because a lot of people who come here for a second opinion are in dead end situations . Some situations like this ones just can't be helped. What can you do when someone has double feelings for their partner and for someone else? There's not a lot that can be done. They can be talked to again and again, but ultimately it comes down to "it's me or someone else". Unfortunately it's the reality that many serious problems in the relationship have to face.

[Only-virgins]

They belong to the same church, and for a while he never wanted me to go to church with him (she goes there).

By the way, the man she is with is the man she cheated with and left my boyfriend for.

lol
_________________

[IndiReloaded]

Dump him is advice. There are plenty of times where advice that doesn't involve leaving the person is given. I, however, won't give advice on staying in the relationship if I think leaving the relationship and finding someone else is best. There are far too many options out in the world for someone to settle on something that is constantly giving them trouble.

he's obsessed with another person. so much so that he'll go to church alone without his girlfriend so he can try to stalk someone else.

besides, nobody has to listen to me. if it were me, i would dump his ass.

I think it's because a lot of people who come here for a second opinion are in dead end situations . Some situations like this ones just can't be helped. What can you do when someone has double feelings for their partner and for someone else? There's not a lot that can be done. They can be talked to again and again, but ultimately it comes down to "it's me or someone else". Unfortunately it's the reality that many serious problems in the relationship have to face.

I agree with all of this. The advice she is being given isn't to be cruel, its realistic. Theres a lot of crystal ball work here b/c ppl giving this advice have often BEEN through the experience.

Truth hurts. Doesn't change anything about it.

[IndiReloaded]

OV! I have missed your cutting wit around here! How are you?