Long term relationship going bad

[Katherine45]

I've been in a relationship with a man for 20 years. I have 2 children of my own which are on their own and live away from home. He has 3 children 1 which lives with him. I have always had a decent relationship with his children, but the one that has been living with him for the past 3 years is 31 years old, drinks and takes drugs, is very volatile and hostile. He treats his father with no respect and has on two occasions called me a name of which I did not deserve.

His father continues to support him and his habits. He has given him work and this 'man child' continues to take advantage of his father. I do not go to my sweethearts house any longer because his son is living there. This really hurts me and I don't know what to do .

Our dream was that one day we would retire and do all the things we would like to do. I retired last June and he just retired this month. We had plans to enjoy life, travel, go fishing, and live the rest of our lives just being together as 'best friends and lovers'. But we can't go anywhere because of his son. He has in the past destroyed things in and around the house when his father had gone away.

If we go out to dinner, or if my man comes to see me, his son constantly calls his cell phone for some ungodly reason If we are at a restaurant, his father will order food and take it home to him.

I love this man with all my heart and soul. But his son is tearing us apart.

I use to be happy, but now my heart is breaking into a million pieces with no resolve in sight.

[Cain]

This son sounds like a piece of scum. And the father seems like a doormat for allowing this to happen.

He better fix this soon, or you might walk away.

May I ask why you two never married?

[lesa]

What a predicament! I imagine this is extremely dreadful for you. Maybe you can continue to talk to your man about how this is breaking your bond and heart...and how some other type of living arrangement for the son may help.

[clearskies]

You need to stand for this situation. You will never feel safe or happy while no one can put an end to the unacceptable annoying behaviour of that son.
The only problem is that he is not young to easily restrain him or correct his path. It is now over... I think he is already spoilt. He needs to move away and find a way to support himself away from you and his father. You also mentioned he respects none of you so I do not see him deserve being with you.

[littlewing]

You don't chose family like you chose friends

Ask his if he is planning on something to do with his son, I am sure he sees the problem too

[Katherine45]

This son sounds like a piece of scum. And the father seems like a doormat for allowing this to happen.

He better fix this soon, or you might walk away.

May I ask why you two never married?

Thank you all for your replies to my (seems to be) unsolvable dilemma. No, we were never married. I met this man through his daughter that was dating my son. Shortly thereafter he asked me to move in with him. This lasted almost 3 years until one day he told me he wasn't happy. I found out 1 month later that he had found himself a rich woman. He continued to see me during those years.. I knew about her, but she didn't know about me. She passed away from cancer about 6 years ago, so we picked up where we left off and have been seeing each other ever since.

Note. I can understand why my sweetheart is catering to this monster. He son was one of twins. His older brother was killed by a Crips Gang member. You've heard the story about the 'good twin' and the 'evil twin'.. Well what is left is the 'evil twin'. He has used his brothers death to turn the screws on his father.

All I can do is pray that God will send him away to another state or anywhere to get him out of our lives. He has caused a lot of problems with the family in general.

My man said that he needs his son to help him close up shop and finish some jobs before he retires and then he was going to try and get rid of him. He closed up shop yesterday (Friday)..

But, because this son has no other skills, my guy is setting up a type of home business and I think it will be for his son. Which scares me because this will be going on and on.

You have only heard part of what his son has done.. He is cruel and dangerous.

I've tried and tried and the only thing I can do is pray.

[Katherine45]

What a predicament! I imagine this is extremely dreadful for you. Maybe you can continue to talk to your man about how this is breaking your bond and heart...and how some other type of living arrangement for the son may help.

Father's Day was awful. His son ruined the entire day and I left angry because of what his son called me. I didn't do anything to him and he called me that name to push his father's buttons again.

I left in a fury and told my sweethearts daughter that I could not take it any longer. She said she understood and can't understand why or how I had lasted this long.

I didn't call, speak or see my sweetheart for over a week and I thought my heart was being pulled right out of my chest. I could not stop crying or couldn't eat. I just wanted to die as I felt like a part of me wasn't there anymore.

I'm speaking to him again, but he won't communicate about this situation. It's so hard. I don't want to bring it up again and open all the wounds.

Good Lord help me.

[Junket]

F*ck that kid.

If this guy don't have the balls to kick that piece of shit out of the house, then he's no worth your time. Look how easy it is to walk all over this guy.

Maybe once you really leave, he'll really begin to realize what joy his "son" has managed to suck out of his life.

[Cain]

Is your son and his daughter still dating... would be kinda funny in my opinion.

On another note, are you saying that you continued to date him/have sex with him while he was with that other woman? If so, that was very rude and disrespectful of you. If not, then I just read it wrong.

You really need to make a decision. You need to walk away if the guy won't deal with his son. At 31, he should NOT be at his dad's house still. ****ing loser.

[shh!]

This is an ugly situation. I think you should be happy you never married this man; it will save you the trouble of divorcing him later.

There is nothing you can do about this situation. Your man has made it clear he is choosing to allow his son to behave this way. All you can do is decide whether or not YOU will tolerate it. Personally, I think you've wasted enough time.

[Mish]

I've tried and tried and the only thing I can do is pray.

And the only other thing you can do is leave, which ultimately will be the only thing you will do if the situation continues like this.

Think about it. You don't have to be in this mess. If this guy wants to be a doormat and cater for his son's destructive habits, then there is nothing you can do about it but leave.