My wife cheated on me. Twice

[IndiReloaded]

You cheated too?? LOL, well, in this case I think you should just both stop fighting your natural instincts. There are swingers clubs for folks like you. Have at it, then.

But do wear a condom. Duh.

[Illusional]

now that he left, i'm just glad that there are people out in this world who are dumber than i appear to be.

raverboy

[Junket]

I have to agree with the OP here, I don't believe in the absolutes that Cain does, "once a cheater always a cheater", deal.

[Mish]

I believe in "Once a cheater will most likely cheat again, unless some solid and well maintained boundaries are set". Where does that put me on the "absolutes scale"?

[Junket]

I believe in "Once a cheater will most likely cheat again, unless some solid and well maintained boundaries are set". Where does that put me on the "absolutes scale"?

I'm just saying, my time on this Earth has shown me that seeing things in black and white like that is too easy, and inaccurate.

[Mish]

I'm just saying, my time on this Earth has shown me that seeing things in black and white like that is too easy, and inaccurate.

I agree with that. I believe there is always some room for a remedy provided there's a will for such.

[bluesummer]

I think that a cheater forgiven hasn't learned a lesson. I think it gives them a much higher chance of cheating again. They may not, but like I said, what did they really learn from it? There were no consequences. So what's to stop them?

I don't believe in absolutes either, but experience (my own and other friends of mine) has shown that those who cheat, usually repeat.

[Bennyzilla]

but its also irrational to believe that the majority of cheaters wont do it again. When you cheat once and discover that noone kills you, the world doesnt explode, and you dont go to jail then you've also opened this constant door of " i did it once and survived, i COULD do it again" where as people who never cheat often wont start because of how terrible it really is, or bc of how terrible they percieve it is. I think its possible for a cheater to play it straight, but not likely.

[Cain]

There are going to be instances of someone cheating once and then never cheating again, but there's no telling whether they didn't cheat again because the opportunity never presented itself again or what. If someone cheated because the relationship was going downhill but it never ended and that never happened again, they'd never cheat again, obviously... but what would they do if the relationship started slowing down again? Would they cheat again? Would they end it?

It's too hard to know for sure? Do I think my opinions are right? Not to everyone. I think my opinions are right to me which is all that matters. My opinions are my own. I'll mention them. I'll discuss them with others. I won't try to change someone. But if someone like the OP comes on here complaining that his wife cheated on him and how he's going to have a hard time trusting her and he's going to watch her like a hawk when HE cheated first... I just feel that this relationship is doomed and one of them will end up cheating again.

[Cain]

but its also irrational to believe that the majority of cheaters wont do it again. When you cheat once and discover that noone kills you, the world doesnt explode, and you dont go to jail then you've also opened this constant door of " i did it once and survived, i COULD do it again" where as people who never cheat often wont start because of how terrible it really is, or bc of how terrible they percieve it is. I think its possible for a cheater to play it straight, but not likely.

There's definitely a chance a cheater won't cheat again... like I mentioned. I just think that a person that cheated once and doesn't cheat again simply didn't cheat because they didn't encounter the same circumstances again.

I think that once that will has been broken and you've succumbed to the temptation once, you can't ever say you'll never do it again.

Edit: Plus, technically, the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true. If I kill someone, I'm labeled a murderer for the rest of my life... not just for a week and then only labeled a murderer again if I kill someone again. I'm not comparing cheating to murdering, I'm just saying that once you've cheated and you're labeled a cheater, you technically wear that title forever, even if you never cheat again.

[tooxshort]

Edit: Plus, technically, the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true. If I kill someone, I'm labeled a murderer for the rest of my life... not just for a week and then only labeled a murderer again if I kill someone again. I'm not comparing cheating to murdering, I'm just saying that once you've cheated and you're labeled a cheater, you technically wear that title forever, even if you never cheat again.

I myself wouldn't stay with a cheater ... but I do believe in people learning their lesson. By your definition, there isn't any room for that. Many people that have cheated before won't cheat again because they actually do have a heart. They wouldn't want to put anyone through that torment or go through the emotional torment themselves.

[shh!]

I have to agree with the OP here, I don't believe in the absolutes that Cain does, "once a cheater always a cheater", deal.

I'm with you on this... People can (and do) change... not all people, and maybe not even most people, but certainly some people learn from their mistakes.

I would hate to be judged the rest of my life for a one-time indiscretion.

[Cain]

Once again, even if someone doesn't ever cheat again... by technical definition, they are still labeled as a cheater. Look at my murderer analogy... but please don't confuse it for comparing cheating and murdering... just comparing the labels.

I'll expand on it. If someone is arrested and charged with a felony, they are labeled a convict. If someone rapes another person, they are labeled a rapist. These labels are given and kept regardless of whether or not the person ever does it again.

So, the saying is technically true. Now, I'll agree and say that SOME people.. as in very few.. will learn their lesson and not cheat since it's just the laws of probability. However, I'm inclined to not take my chances and assume my girl will be one of the few.

[shh!]

I don't label people "cheaters" unless they are chronic, just as I don't label people "drunks" unles they are chronic.

[Cain]

I don't label people "cheaters" unless they are chronic, just as I don't label people "drunks" unles they are chronic.

So what do you label someone that cheats once? Twice? What constitutes chronic cheating? Five times?