my younger woman

[BFTrick]

Alright who's ready for a long story?

I am 21 and i am dating an 18 year old; we can call her K. I also have a best friend who happens to be an exgirlfriend - J.

K feels very uncomfortable around J even though J and I have been done dating for 1.5 years and are never ever going to back on. K doesn't feel uncomfortable around her (J).

So K pressured me to not invite J to a party. I agreed. I figured that J and I are best friends and that I will easy K into a friendship with J.

I assumed it was jealousy (and I still do) but K says it is something else. So i told J that jealousy is the reason i didn't invite her. K finds out about this and send her an email explaining the situation to J. J responds with a very mean email which basically explains why J is so pissed at K for not being invited to the party. It is a mean email.

K and J now hate each other. K thinks about this every day and we have been talking about it on the cell phone (we live 3 hours away) for a week. K pretty much says that she feels uncomfortable around J, and uncomfortable with the tought of J and I hanging out. I am so angry because I have invested so much into this relationship, it is the first girl that I have said "I love you" to, and i mean it. She is amazing, but if she cant stand J and I hanging out then I feel like she should get lost.

I understand why girls date older guys, but why do guys date younger girls? I feel like she is so immature.

your thoughts/opinions? why cant K get over this?

[shh!]

I think most girls in your age range will have a problem with you hanging with someone you (I presume) used to sleep with. J is going to have to learn to be a little more compassionate.

[Mish]

your thoughts/opinions? why cant K get over this?

There could be many reasons, it's strange that you don't see at least some of them.

- First of all J is your ex, hanging out with your ex on regular basis is suspicious when you are in a relationship, nothing to do with jealousy (at least from my point of view)

- J should understand your relationship situation and not provoke you into seeing K in negative light

- J wrote a mean email to your gf, if I was looking through K's eye, I'd be expecting an apology

- You seem to be picking your ex's side over your gf's which I personally think is double suspicious

These are just fleeting throughts that came to mind in the last couple of minutes. I'm sure there could be a whole lot more reasons than that.

Now that you know at least some of the possible reasons why K can't get over it, the question comes up, what are you going to do about it?

[bluesummer]

I agree with Mish. J is your EX and should be respectful of giving some space between the two of you while you are with K. It's not JUST 18 year olds that get a little leery about exes that hang around too much - and I think maybe J is pushing this a little too far. She needs to back off. She does not and SHOULD not get priority over your gf. That's not saying you guys can't be friends, but tone it down a little, and stop taking J's side. From what I can see, she's the troublemaker here. If I were K, I'd be annoyed with you, too.

I also never understood anyone being 'best friends' with an ex. How on earth does this work? My exes are friends, and usually nice people, but my bf is my best friend......that's why we're so good together. If one is your 'best friend' and the other is just your 'girlfriend' then you've got a really weird situation going on here. I'll tell you what it looks like.....you've still got unresolved feelings for J, and you call her your 'best friend' to justify keeping her around for whatever reason you need to. Either get back with J or cut her off. You can't have a best girl friend AND a girlfriend.....they're supposed to be the same thing. Anyone that says differently is fooling themselves.

[Cain]

Like the others, I'm siding with K. I wouldn't be too thrilled about my gf hanging out with one of her ex's a lot, especially if they had slept together. Personally, I wouldn't want my gf hanging out with anyone she's slept with (luckily there's only one guy other than me and she hates him) because there's so much sexual chemistry there, regardless of when you two broke up.

The fact that you sided with your ex over your gf is ridiculous. You should never choose a friend over your gf. Ever. I assume that because you told her that you loved her that you would like this to last to marriage. Well, if that was the case and you truly loved her, no one would be more important to you than her. Friends are expendable. If you truly love her, she isn't.

[BFTrick]

Wow thanks for the responses, I got more than I thought I would. I actually forgot I posted this until just now. I am surprised by the amount of responses that say that J and/or myself is the bad guy. Even though I feel like the bad guy I really enjoy seeing the other side.

I think most girls in your age range will have a problem with you hanging with someone you (I presume) used to sleep with. J is going to have to learn to be a little more compassionate.

I agree with you. I feel a awkward around a GF's ex. Especially if they hang out in the same circle. I am good friends with many of my ex's.

There could be many reasons, it's strange that you don't see at least some of them.

- First of all J is your ex, hanging out with your ex on regular basis is suspicious when you are in a relationship, nothing to do with jealousy (at least from my point of view)

This is how the GF looks at it as well. J is an ex first and a friend second. I think she trusts me, and she knows i wont cheat on her, I think she has a problem with J and I sharing a platonic moment - if you will being emotionally unfaithful.

- J should understand your relationship situation and not provoke you into seeing K in negative light

J shouldn't make me see K in a negative light? Do you mean J shouldn't make K see me or us in a negative light?

- J wrote a mean email to your gf, if I was looking through K's eye, I'd be expecting an apology

J did write a mean letter to the gf. She wrote it because she was uninvited to my birthday party. Doesn't this provide reason?

- You seem to be picking your ex's side over your gf's which I personally think is double suspicious

my gf says the same thing. I guess I am siding with the ex. But i feel that she is in the right.

Now that you know at least some of the possible reasons why K can't get over it, the question comes up, what are you going to do about it?

As it turns out, the gf and I have worked through this. We talked about it for ages and ages on the phone and are through it. I just hope that it stays dead. I think it is still on her mind.

I also never understood anyone being 'best friends' with an ex. How on earth does this work? My exes are friends, and usually nice people, but my bf is my best friend......that's why we're so good together. If one is your 'best friend' and the other is just your 'girlfriend' then you've got a really weird situation going on here. I'll tell you what it looks like.....you've still got unresolved feelings for J, and you call her your 'best friend' to justify keeping her around for whatever reason you need to. Either get back with J or cut her off. You can't have a best girl friend AND a girlfriend.....they're supposed to be the same thing. Anyone that says differently is fooling themselves.

J and I share many hobbies and interests together. if you want I could call the gf my best friend, and I can call J my friend. All the same we started a tradition in seeing certain TV shows with a group of friends. So when I go to the weekly tv show I see her there. K doesn't like all of the TV shows I do.

The fact that you sided with your ex over your gf is ridiculous. You should never choose a friend over your gf. Ever. I assume that because you told her that you loved her that you would like this to last to marriage. Well, if that was the case and you truly loved her, no one would be more important to you than her. Friends are expendable. If you truly love her, she isn't.

I can't ever disagree with the gf? ever?

I do want to last a long time with this gf. She isnt expendable. If i had to choose between the two of them I would probably choose K. But if K made me make a choice between them I would choose J any day. If K made me make a choice between any friend and herself, then she isn't the woman I fell in love with.

[Cain]

Your gf has every right to not like you hanging out with your ex. Like I said, if my gf was hanging out with a guy she's had sex with, I'd have problems too.

You might have to choose, and the fact that you're willing to get rid of your gf if she asks you to choose is stupid. There are a lot of women and men that don't like the idea of an ex still being heavily involved in their SO's life, especially with no children involved.

Also, you shouldn't have told J the reason that she wasn't invited was because your gf was jealous. You're stirring up trouble. You should have just respected her wishes or moved on. You need to prepare yourself for a choice because it might happen. If your gf isn't as important to you as J, then fine, but you need to make sure it's the right choice.