Should I Stay or should I Go?

[shh!]

My dad made my mom look unfit to get custody of me. Legally, the judge can't just look at me and think I'm an asshole just because my wife looks unfit. If he has no proof I'm unfit but has proof she is, he can't legally or morally give her custody.

Are you saying your mother was NOT unfit? If that is the case, it was really outrageously selfish of your father to do that. Optimal outcomes are produced when kids have two parents active and involved. If I ever hated my husband enough to divorce him, I wouldn't dream of doing this, nor would he. We care more about our children's mental and emotional well-being than hurting each other.

Anyway, this has nothing to do with financial income being a factor in custody hearings.

[Cain]

Are you saying your mother was NOT unfit? If that is the case, it was really outrageously selfish of your father to do that. Optimal outcomes are produced when kids have two parents active and involved. If I ever hated my husband enough to divorce him, I wouldn't dream of doing this, nor would he. We care more about our children's mental and emotional well-being than hurting each other.

Anyway, this has nothing to do with financial income being a factor in custody hearings.

As long as my wife didn't cheat on me, I'd have no problem with joint custody, though I would fight for primary physical custody. But if my wife cheated on me, I can damn near guarantee she wouldn't have custody at all.

Sometimes I wonder when the women are giving the judges blowjobs to be able to get custody all the time.

[zoso]

Cain, why so bitter?

Honestly, I think it could just be a society thing.
Just like men are seen as the bread winners, and the people in power, women are seeing as the nurturers and the ones that raises the child the most.
The judges just assume and, voila, Mom usually gets the kid.

I'm not saying this is in any way right, but I feel this is just what usually happens.

[Cain]

Cain, why so bitter?

Honestly, I think it could just be a society thing.
Just like men are seen as the bread winners, and the people in power, women are seeing as the nurturers and the ones that raises the child the most.
The judges just assume and, voila, Mom usually gets the kid.

I'm not saying this is in any way right, but I feel this is just what usually happens.

I'm not bitter. I'm just stating my disdain for the fact that the woman usually gets custody. It's just stupid to think that because I don't have a vagina and breasts that if I get divorced, I probably won't get custody.

[Gribble]

My parents had a battle like that. It wasn't about their kids, it was about hurting each other. They each wanted me to testify, at fifteen, on their behalf, and trash-talk the other so they could win custody of me and my sister. For no reason other than tax breaks and child support.

When I refused my mom actually threatened to have me subpoenaed. I don't even know if that's possible, but she didn't do it because I told her that I'd go up on that stand, break down in tears and swear on the Bible that she molested me when I was a little boy.

Then I dropped out of high school and left home at the first opportunity. I've hated my parents ever since.

So yeah, if you have kids and you're considering divorce, please think of them. Put aside your petty little squabble and compose yourself as an adult. Your children aren't going to forget and some day you're going to care a great deal how they feel about you.

[Cain]

My parents had a battle like that. It wasn't about their kids, it was about hurting each other. They each wanted me to testify, at fifteen, on their behalf, and trash-talk the other so they could win custody of me and my sister. For no reason other than tax breaks and child support.

When I refused my mom actually threatened to have me subpoenaed. I don't even know if that's possible, but she didn't do it because I told her that I'd go up on that stand, break down in tears and swear on the Bible that she molested me when I was a little boy.

Then I dropped out of high school and left home at the first opportunity. I've hated my parents ever since.

So yeah, if you have kids and you're considering divorce, please think of them. Put aside your petty little squabble and compose yourself as an adult. Your children aren't going to forget and some day you're going to care a great deal how they feel about you.

I wouldn't fight for custody solely so I could hurt the other person or get tax breaks and child support. I'd do it because I want to raise my children. If she wins custody, fine. But I'm going to do what I have to to win custody. Also, I would never consider putting my children on the stand to speak on my behalf.

Anyways, I don't anticipate this happening because I don't anticipate divorcing my gf when we get married.

[shh!]

Cain - you don't understand. It is rare for a person (male OR female) to lose custody nowadays. You have to be unfit to lose custody, and unfit is measured by extreme behaviors. If you marry and then divorce, you will end up with shared custody. Whomever did the lion's share of hands-on care for the child during the marriage is likely the one who will end up with primary physical custody. The judge doesn't give a rat's ass what you or your hypothetical ex want - the judge is going to act on the CHILD'S behalf. People who fight for the sake of fighting end up with unhappy children and a gigantic lawyer's fee, and they still don't get what they want.

[lesa]

I wouldn't fight for custody solely so I could hurt the other person or get tax breaks and child support. I'd do it because I want to raise my children. If she wins custody, fine. But I'm going to do what I have to to win custody. Also, I would never consider putting my children on the stand to speak on my behalf.

But Daddy, what if I want to stay with Mommy...do I get a choice?

My family said that if my brother and I were twins (we're a year apart but mistaken for fraternal twins) they would have taken one of us with them if they didn't lived together. Whew...I am glad they lived together!

Parents forgot about the child's wishes...that is why I am so hesitant in having children with any man I think will become difficult down the road...I am very strict to myself on who I should marry, and as a result will probablly never get married.

[Cain]

If my children wanted to live with their mother then I'd let them. I won't force them. But I'm talking about if my kids aren't even old enough to make that decision.

[lesa]

I understand. That's what my family said...they only would have done that when we were babies. I am still glad they didn't...even though we were both babies at the time.

[Rosie]

Well me and my husband both love our daughter and we're both civil people...I'd never dream of doing anything to hurt her. If it does come to divorce I know we'll both have joint custody and the process will be as unmessy as possible.
We do fight a lot. Mostly personality and cultural differences. I didn't mention it at first but I realize that those things have been a factor in my unhappiness too.
I decided that I don't have to worry about this right now. There is no emergency and I do have more important things to concentrate on. I want to go back to school and get involved in dancing and cooking again. I've been depressed for awhile so I will wait and see if things get better further on down the road and maybe it will show in my marriage as well.