Turn One night stand into a Relationship?

[lesa]

Look.., in terms of agreements.., benefits and duties of each party involved.., if we agreed on you getting to enjoy my apples.., and me having to give you apples.., and me getting to enjoy your oranges and you having to give me oranges.., then that's what we agreed on.., either explicitly.., or implied..

(Implied contracts take place every day btw: You look at a pack of gum.., look at the $1 price.., show it to the store manager.., give him $1.., and walk outside.., you just executed an implied contract)

Good example. I understand what you mean now. Yes it is an implied agreement since we have already started exchanging apples and oranges. I have no issues with that. Surely we both know but some people may not understand that or are naive and expect more than what they are getting now without saying anything.

Exactly.., believe me.., not that there's anything wrong with your oranges.., but i'd prefer the whole package

....and surely there's nothing wrong with your apples, they're delicious, but I too prefer the whole package.

[Mish]

I know he doesnt deserve to be treated like sh*t, hey, but from a strategic point, what should I do?? I can either play nice or play evil, I dont care, as long as I get things going the way I want. I'm more toward playing evil, you know, ignore him, but treat him nice when I see him(but not too nice), show him interests, show him I'm fun and intelligent, show him I can be serious if I want to.....give him good sex...then ignore him again afterwards....What you guys say?? Would this work with older guys??

It sounds good apart from the "ignore" part. I'm not quite sure what you mean by it, but unless you mean "giving each other some space" it sounds manipulative. One big disadvantage about manipulation is that it's very transparent and easy to see through. People tend to have a lot of resistance to manipulation and sensitivity to pick up manipulation even on subconscious level. I think that if this guy is intelligent chances are high that he will pick up on it leaving him with some bitter choices. To take it and play a sucker. To resist with his own manipulation. Or to not want any part of it, resulting in letting you go. Once you look at these options he is left with, you will probably realize that neither one is good for you.

I'm not quite sue what you mean by "I'm more toward playing evil", but if it is what I think it is then rest assured what goes around comes around and I don't think the final outcomes will be the ones that you anticipate.

[questiongirl]

Hey, you guys, thanks, great advice!! No, I dont feel the need to be "dishonest," or "denfesive," I just have fun playing some harmless little games, that's it, simple, no need to dig too deep into the whole self esteem, manipulation....blah,blah,blah...I guess I'm still kind of like a kid in heart, to me it's just fun, just like some ppl. enjoy playing chess, or some ppl enjoy playing sports!

But still I've taken the advice, so I e-mailed him asking whether the concert was this Sat. or Next Sat., his answer:"Next Sat." To be honest, I was pissed, that's two weeks from now, he's gotta be hanging out with other women as well!! But hey, I replied said: "Cool! Can't wait to see you again!" In the hope that he would take the hint. But I replied around 1:00 a.m. at night, so he would notice that I've got plenty going on and wasn't sitting around waiting for him!! LOL, sorry, I can't help but using little strategies like this, that's just me! He replied said "Great! When are you going on your road trip?" Ha...why this question? I did mention to him that I planned on going on a road trip and I'm thinking of going with this younger guy I'm hanging out with...is he being cautious or jealous?? My plan is I'm gonna reply late at night today just tell him it'll be in Sep., not any time soon, keep it simple, but at the same time tease him a little, say sth. like "What, You wanna come along? I can squeeze you into my car!(Blink)" Haa...Also if we managed to meet for another couple times, and things go well, I'm gonna drop another hint, say invite him to an event, not too formal but enough to show him that I'm not shamed of going out with him, sth. like a happy hour with some friends or just some social events where ppl. bring a partner....How's that sound? Better than my "evil" plan?? Ha!

[Cain]

It's definitely better than the ignoring plan. Games are fine as long as they are used to get the guy. Games while dating aren't cool.

But this is a better approach.

[GrkScorp]

But still I've taken the advice, so I e-mailed him asking whether the concert was this Sat. or Next Sat., his answer:"Next Sat." To be honest, I was pissed, that's two weeks from now, he's gotta be hanging out with other women as well!!

Woah!

Relax.., you're driving yourself crazy if you're thinking like that..

Model of the ego:

(input) --> (process) --> (output)

My broker had the best example.., "when you walk inside the room.., what do you think i'm thinking about?".., (me: I don't know.., you could be thinking about anything.., how I look.., if I opened the door too fast.., how i'm walking.., etc).., "that's very self-centered of you.., i'm actually thinking about what kind of ice cream I feel like eating.., it's always a tie between vanilla and chocolate"

Everyone has a different process.., a "self-centered" process..

When a guy walks inside a room and looks around.., you think.. "he's just looking around".., but all of a sudden.., when he looks are (you).., and makes eye contact with (you).., you think "he's checking me out"..

Same input.., different process.., different output..

Try and stay objective and don't drive yourself crazy.., it's easy to let the smallest and most meaningless input slip into the process and make it into more than it is..

It doesn't mean he's seeing other women.., or that he's not interested.., or this.., or that.., it could just be the case.., or rather.., more likely the case.., that he's just busy.., has other things he's doing.., or maybe something came up.., he has a life too you know.., not that you're not important.., but you simply don't know.., it doesn't mean he doesn't care about you or that you're not important.., it just means that he may be swamped with some other things at the moment.., don't drive yourself nuts worrying too much about it!

Best,

GrkScorp

[questiongirl]

Guys, just an update. He asked me to go out again before this Sat.; I told him no more sex cuz we needed to get to know each other; he said that's fine and he said he likes me. So, we met up today, a lot of kisses, staring into each other's eyes....well, we had sex again cuz I WANTED him, anyways..it was SO HOT!! When I left, I jokingly said "don't have sex with other women when I'm gone," he smiled said "No, I won't," Ha....! We're going to the concert on Sat., I guess it's looking good...!!

[anachronistic]

Is loveadmin putting ad placements in Grkscorp's posts for being extremely long and valuable?

[Asparagoose]

Guys, just an update. He asked me to go out again before this Sat.; I told him no more sex cuz we needed to get to know each other; he said that's fine and he said he likes me. So, we met up today, a lot of kisses, staring into each other's eyes....well, we had sex again cuz I WANTED him, anyways..it was SO HOT!! When I left, I jokingly said "don't have sex with other women when I'm gone," he smiled said "No, I won't," Ha....! We're going to the concert on Sat., I guess it's looking good...!!

so much for being able to resist the urge. it's hard to hold back from someone you feel so much for, it's only natural. but it's good news that it's turning into something more serious, he's starting to sound like a cool guy

[Cain]

For some reason, after reading that she told him no more sex, I though "Yeah, right. She'll probably f*ck him at the end of the first date." I was rather satisfied with my prediction when I finished reading.

[Asparagoose]

she seemed too sexual to be setting such a limitation anyway. it was more a test than anything else, a test to see how long she could last before giving in

[questiongirl]

Yea, I admit that I'm a sexual person, sometimes I think and operate like a man. I would not have told him "no more sex" if I didn't take some of the advice from here, I'll probably just say "let's do it again," LOL. If he doesn't like it that means he doesn't like me, so be it...But I did notice some effects of the age gap between us..say, he's not that active but I like to do fun things outside of the house all the time, he goes to bed around 10ish and I go to bed around 1, he doesn't like the movie I wanted to see cuz it's too cartoonish...anyways, we'll just see where it goes.

[Cain]

Yea, I admit that I'm a sexual person, sometimes I think and operate like a man. I would not have told him "no more sex" if I didn't take some of the advice from here, I'll probably just say "let's do it again," LOL. If he doesn't like it that means he doesn't like me, so be it...But I did notice some effects of the age gap between us..say, he's not that active but I like to do fun things outside of the house all the time, he goes to bed around 10ish and I go to bed around 1, he doesn't like the movie I wanted to see cuz it's too cartoonish...anyways, we'll just see where it goes.

The future is already looking bleak. Enjoy the sex while you can, I guess. Maybe... one day... you'll find a nice, good guy that doesn't mind that you're easy?

Not likely though.

[questiongirl]

I really don't care, if I were easy, whoever had sex with me was equally easy. Plus I have a good life without a guy. If it happens it happens, it not, so be it.

[questiongirl]

The statement from you Cain is just ridiculous. Those men who would mind that "I'm easy" have probably been easy many times in their lives. On the other hand, I have met plenty men who would look beyond such superfacial things to see deeper who I am. Women should have equal power in sex with men, you're just mad that someone is daring to challenge the cliche. You're so ridiculous.

[Cain]

The statement from you Cain is just ridiculous. Those men who would mind that "I'm easy" have probably been easy many times in their lives. On the other hand, I have met plenty men who would look beyond such superfacial things to see deeper who I am. Women should have equal power in sex with men, you're just mad that someone is daring to challenge the cliche. You're so ridiculous.

I'm made that someone dares the cliche? I feel the exact same way about men that are easy. I don't think that men should do it but women shouldn't. It's not superficial when you end up contracting a disease no matter how careful you think you are. Condoms don't protect you from STDs 100%, so unless you both get tested before and after every session, you don't know what you're going to contract. I don't like having to worry about whether someone I'm dating has some kind of a disease, and because I don't like someone that sleeps around without a challenge, I don't do it. That's just my opinion.

I'm sure there's some guys that don't mind if you are easy. There has to be. I'm just saying don't expect most nice, good guys to be eager to date a chick that you can get in bed after taking her to dinner and showing her a good time.