Baby?

[Cain]

I wasn't sure which forum this would be better suited for, so I'm posting it here.

Over the last few months, my gf and I have been testing fate so to speak. She's on birth control and so we've been having sex without a condom and I haven't been pulling out. She doesn't want me to and I can't have as strong of an orgasm if I do.

The last couple months she keeps thinking she's not going to get her period.. and then she does... and then the pattern restarts when we start having sex again.

We're both still in school... though I graduate from my program in eight months. We both want to have a baby, but we aren't actively trying (though I'm not pulling out, she isn't quitting birth control). We've talked about it and we say that we probably should wait, but then neither she nor I wants me to pull out.

The ultimate was last week. She had to change birth control because her body was getting used to it and we were talking about that for the next couple cycles, we need to start having me pull out, but while we were having sex she told me she didn't want me to. We were basically risking it.

Today, once again, she is doing the whole "I might be pregnant" thing. It's nothing negative or anything. She just wonders since I haven't pulled out in like... 4 months... and she was switching pills (she does take her pill every day.. I know this). And today she told me that for the last few days she's been daydreaming about having a baby.

To be honest, I'm kind of excited about the idea of having a baby with her even though I'd rather wait for two or three years. She's excited as well. I like kids and I am kinda excited about being able to raise a child. I know the costs and time restraints. I know that my social life will be non existant for a long while. I don't mind that.

I don't know what the point of this thread was, to be honest. I just wanted to share that she might be pregnant and we're both excited about the idea... lol

I invite all of the "I surely hope not. You're not father material!" responses.

[Mish]

I think you are good father material Cain, but I wouldn't test fate like that if I were you. If you're not in the "this is the right time to have a baby and I'm completely ready for it" mode then it's not the right time. There is a romantisized notion that goes with having babies. The cute faces they pull, cute noises they make and the fact that they're your own flesh and blood. Often overlooked is another fact that they're exhausting shitting machines which will keep you awake at many hours in the night when you need to get some serious rest for work the next morning. They are draining, challenging and infuriating and unless you are 100% ready for this experience my advice for you is to exercise great caution. Also, don't forget that most likely you will be working while she will be looking after the kids, you will be providing for the whole family for at least a couple of years, will you and her really be able to do that?

Personally I do not plan to have a kid until I earn a lot more money than I do now, have a great partner which has 100% of my trust and I've been married at least for a year or two.

[Cain]

I definitely understand where you're coming from. I really do. It'd be ideal to wait 4-5 years, but I know I don't want to wait that long.

I didn't post this thread as if I really think she's pregnant. I don't think she is. I told her the same thing last month and the month before that. I was just posting more about the fact that the idea excited me a little.

[Kromat]

Ya, It can be exciting to have the idea that she trusts you
enough to suggest this to you and raising a child together.
It should ultimately come down to how much
you can afford and If it's the right time.
If your still young and still in school, don't do it now, but
wait until you've worked a 1 yr or 2 in your field to save
up enough to start this life together.
You'll be in a better financial position, if you don't try to rush things...
but this is only my suggestion, I guess it matters where you both are
in this relationship, and If both of you can handle it, balancing work,
school and the kid... It won't be ez, I tell you.

[lesa]

From the information that I am getting it sounds like you two are a great couple. What not get married now? You can always have a wedding performed at a later time but why not give each other that peace of mind that you two want to spends the rest of your lives together and gave children? First comes love...then comes marriage...then comes etc, etc.

[Cain]

We know we want to get married eventually. We've discussed this, and actually thought about doing it last week... but we want there to be only one ceremony and so we decided to wait.

[lesa]

We know we want to get married eventually. We've discussed this, and actually thought about doing it last week... but we want there to be only one ceremony and so we decided to wait.

But you guys are getting pregnancy false alarms every month?

I would love to have several ceremonies of matrimony by the same person...I hope to renew my vows often or do some similar type of ceremony just to celebrate our love and committment to one another...maybe like every 5 or 10 years...ooo sounds so cool and abnormal...I like

[Cain]

We might renew our vows later in life, but the very first ceremony we want to be in front of our families, etc...

And it's not that we're getting false alarms. I think it's just that it excites us a little bit and so she thinks about what if she is pregnant. I honestly don't think she is.

[lesa]

Yeah, yeah yeah..I don’t care about mainstream and expensive first vows (no offense, just being dramatic here ) You can bring your family now, too…What if she IS pregnant now? What would you do? I would marry now and take that kind of ‘risk’ with my lover. Life is fun when you do things like that. You guys are already quite firm on your beliefs of timing on children why not be a little adventurous in this aspect of love? You know that you want to spend the rest of your lives together and you know that you want to have children by a certain date. Come on Cain enjoy life, it’s not like you will be marrying a stranger now (I swear, I haven’t been drinking , yet).

Disclaimer: The advice given cannot be used against the adviser or in any legal actions in the future.

[misombra]

if you get her pregnant, you guys will struggle far more than you even want to think about.

[Mish]

And it's not that we're getting false alarms. I think it's just that it excites us a little bit and so she thinks about what if she is pregnant. I honestly don't think she is.

I think it's great that it excites you and it sounds like you two are good together. But what happens if she does get pregnant one of these days because you two weren't careful? What will you do?

[Cain]

if you get her pregnant, you guys will struggle far more than you even want to think about.

I'm not stupid. I know what I'd be in for.

[Cain]

I think it's great that it excites you and it sounds like you two are good together. But what happens if she does get pregnant one of these days because you two weren't careful? What will you do?

We're not trying to play Russian Roulette here. If she gets pregnant we know that we'll need to take things more seriously and deal with it. We already have a plan in place just in case.

[lesa]

We're not trying to play Russian Roulette here. If she gets pregnant we know that we'll need to take things more seriously and deal with it. We already have a plan in place just in case.

But she's been thinking (in some way whether jokingly or not) that she may be pregnant monthly. I would not like to have that feeling every month, whether I am happy about it or not. She seems to not be 100% sure whether she may be pregnant or not almost every month. I have never, ever, ever (that I can really recall) joked about thinking I may be pregnant.

[Mish]

We already have a plan in place just in case.

What do you two plan to do if it happens? I ask because I'm genuinely curious.