What should I do?

[vr00mm]

I am 30 yo, my husband is 43 yo. we just officially got married 2 months ago. Things havent been easy for us. We have most bads and also most good days.
I have always been an outgoing, positive and a happy person by nature. I tend to attract people mostly men because they found me attractive in all.
My husband is not a very fit man. But mostly come from his prolong depression that started since his company falls that is 4 years ago.
Since then he develops pseudo seizure, it is a seizure that triggers anytime of stress and he does stress a lot.
I didnt think this would be a big issue before because in the beginning of our relationship I seemed to elevated his moods thus minimize the seizures attacks.
But i have a habbit that i dont know if it is good or bad but nonetheless i love doing it , it makes me happy and that is clubbing. I do hard core quite frequently. But i know i do that only to lose myself in the dance floor, enjoying the moment. Not interested in picking up or getting other guys home, in fact i am very faithfull , i have morals.
my husband getting more jeoulous and on a few occassion has shown signs of halucinasion, paranoa, possesive(at all times) and these bugs me becos i know what kinda person i am and i never done any thing wrong.I feel like im emotiionally abuse
he is very unstable mentally becos of this mental illness, he had tried failed suicide 3 times! a cry for help, so they say.
He also (i just found this out) has divulged my dee secret to his close friends. So everybody knows our life.It really hurts me.(i have life secrets, n i have entrusted to him thinking his my patner he ought to know)
Now my dillema is:
he is a good man deep down, he has done somthing big that help my life, it changes my life. He is generous and he gives me security.
I live an easy life but unhappy with preassure from his unstability, distrust and mostly his degerative illness (possibly parkinson)
i ask myself many times is he really the one for me?
i feel like i love him but never in love, but mostly......indebted....
i know you guys prolly say , indebted isnt the right reason to stay in marriege but there is more to it that i cant just leave tho he gives me the options cos he is aware that hi illness /depression are dragging me down with him
is it me who is wrong who isnt supposed to continue my hobby(clubber) just to suit him?
he knew from the beginning that i was that way and he didnt have any problems but things started to change after we got hitched.
I feel i have to change before my time. I have lived a single and free life too long b4 commited to him thats why in a way im selfish and feel that no body should change anyone unless they want it too themself.
in saying that, i am doing a great job around the house and minding him and his illness...even he admits that...
i really need advises please, im scared to walk out, scared on doing it alone cos i had done it before and i could do it, n was happier but with him, financial wise it is soo much easier.
and it is nice to have a companion ...
pls help

[vashti]

I believe most husbands would have an issue with your hobby. Clubbing is generally associated with a single person's lifestyle, and the men there are certainly there to pick you up - not worry about your marital status. If you are simply enjoying the dancing, why don't you just take up another form via lessons? Maybe belly dancing? or hip-hop? ballet?

I don't know how you deal with the psychological issues your husband has, but if you decide to stay, it seems you should take his feelings into account. Wouldn't you expect the same from him?

[vr00mm]

I know but i also know it will not be forever. At this age however, i really wish to have a baby and for sure i know where my hobby will be directed when that does happened. But unfort, my husband needs to have his vasectomy reversed for that. Problems after problems are there in our relationship. It is my fault to not considered all of these matter before entering a marriege with him. But now it had happened , all i need to know now is what to decision to make. change to suit his needs and put up for the next 10 20 30 years of his seems to be degenerative illness and physcological and yet not able to do things that are making myself relieved from all the adversity (clubs, nad hangingg out with my mates) or totally walking out and have a total free life tho i still do love him.Only things just not seem to work out, as there is too much pain and hearthache already in it...
reverse vasectomy on his body is prolly a zero chance cos his body has been battered with all sorts of medications and prolong seizures.

[vashti]

Personally, I'd be REALLY wary of having babies with people with psychological disorders.

And for the record, a pseudo-seizure is NOT a seizure at all. They are merely a psychological and emotional response to stress, so far as I know.

[misombra]

a psuedo-seizure?

what is that in the dsm 1? or is it coming out in the dsm 5? wtf?

there's no such thing. a seizure is a problem with the wiring in the brain.

and parkinsons? what makes you think he has parkinsons? has he been diagnosed?

[vashti]

I think they fall under conversion or somatoform disorders in DSM... Definitely a psychological matter, though.

[vr00mm]

he will be seing a neuro next week but he has been showing all of parkinson symptoms. Even if it is not, (hopefully) he still is not well. Thanks guys for all you reply.
Would leaving him after commited because id prefer a freer life from negativities make me a bad person?
and yes to pseudo seizures. it is causes by stress. It is creating stress for the carer too.

Selfishly,guiltyly and truthfully speaking, i feel like this is a burden. I am 30 yo, i am at one of my prime , and I know i could have a better future ahead of me. I mean a future where i can find a fit patner and have kids with him.The kids thing bothers me the most althought he is willing to go under the knife for me to have kids but i have doubts that his body can do it.
But i dont have the heart to leave my husband. We have been thru too much.And i feel like i am a bitch if i leave knwing 3/4 of his condition yet still marry him.

what would u do if you were me? I am stuck so i am unable to see out side the box. You guys can.
should i make a decision bas on my heart or my head.or i should just stay cos i have made myself commited?


Thanks again

[Cain]

Don't stay if you don't want to... that's the worst thing for both of you.

I'm not fond of the whole club scene. I'd be nervous about my gf going to a club by herself... people go to clubs do dry hump on the dance floor and guys go there to try to get laid.

You're faithful. I know, I know. But what happens when you drink too much or someone slips something into your drink and you wake up with your pants around your ankles?

[vashti]

I think anyone who understands mental illness would understand why you might find his condition a burden. Whether or not you choose to keep him around is up to you, but I would do some careful research before having kids with a man with this many mental health issues. Research is showing genetic links to many of these problems (in addition to environmental factors), which means you may end up passing his problems down to another generation.

[misombra]

the neuro will tell you what's going on. maybe he can prescribe some better medication or something.

[Darkest Heaven]

Honestly?

You getting married to a guy and thinking about going to clubs 2 months into the marriage is retarded. He's controlling and possessive? Yeah, if I got married to somebody who goes to night clubs, I would be, too.

And did you ever think that if you stop going out to clubs and actually consider his feelings, maybe he wouldn't be as controlling and possessive while lost trust was rebuilt?

And for the final statment I have to make, problem after problem, only for you to marry him and THEN complain about it all?

As they say in a civilized way these days, somebody made a major WHOOPSIE.

[VirginsOnly]

What's a psuedo-seizure? Sounds pretty bad indeed.

[lesa]

What's a psuedo-seizure? Sounds pretty bad indeed.

fake seizures for the psychotic!

[misombra]

lesa, you are funny. that is all.

[lesa]

They are not seizures at all. They just may look like them and that's why medical professionals named them with the word seizure. They should be called extreme anxiety attack, stress attack, etc. These are not abnormal electrical brain issues and you are not going to find that in tests. These are psychological problems just like major OCD behaviors but instead they "perform" seizure-like behavior when the stress level becomes too high for them to deal with normally and the seizure like behavior is like a coping mechanism that they feel they HAVE to do (unconsciously??)...just like the person with OCD feel like they HAVE to do their rituals.