Age Gaps

[thealoneone]

Hi,

Ive just started seeing an 18 year old girl, Im 30..

We have a lot of common ground and we have been having a really nice time getting to know each other, sure there are small things in which the age gap shows but nothing serious.

My question is, before this gets serious, does age gap relationships work as long as Im not a father figure?

[Cain]

Most of the time, this kind of gap won't work. Not because it's 12 years, but because she's in a whole new phase of life. She'll be into parties, clubs, etc... the kinds of things older men start to lose interest in. Her priorities won't be focused yet.

May I ask why you chose her over someone closer to your age?

[Junket]

I feel like this has been coming up a lot lately.

[thealoneone]

I met her in a bar and didnt think she was that young to be honest!

Sure we are both at different stages in our life and we do realise this, but we have a lot in common and we enjoy each others company.. If I wished to extend this into a proper relationship, one thing I would encourage is for her not to grow up. Sure she is very mature, even more mature than many women than my own age, but people shouldnt be forced into growing older than they are.

[Cain]

If you both decide to make this into a more serious relationship, you might not be ready for her. The college experience changes women.

And I will never date someone I met in a bar. I don't like drunks, and I'm asking for trouble meeting someone somewhere where they like to drink.

[thealoneone]

Shes already at college. And I know what you mean about meeting people in bars lol.. This was actually a mutual friend's function at a bar.

[Cain]

She's only 18. She hasn't been able to full change due to the college experience yet. Give her some time. I would honestly recommend finding someone that has already experienced life and doesn't have the need to experience so many things.

[Gigabitch]

If you can handle the responsibility and the fact that she's likely to outgrow you, go ahead.

[Tedel]

I agree with Giga. Maybe you can shape that girl's personality according to your liking, but that won't last long after she gets into college. Are you sure this will have future? If your answer is yes, then go ahead; if not, don't lose your time.

It is you who have the answer only.

[IndiReloaded]

I know a teacher who married a gal w/that kind of age gap. They waited until she graduated to make it 'official'. He divorced his wife (w/kids) to do it. So it can work, depending on your definition of 'work', I suppose.

Personally, tho I always found the guy to be a bit of a perv. The sort always making psuedo-sexual comments to his students. And he was definitely getting off on being the 'daddy figure' in that relationship.

Given that the fellow had daughters w/his first wife, I figured it was probably a good idea he & his wife split & those kids got away from him.

Heard enough?

[vashti]

I agree with Giga. You are at the tail end of your personal growth curve, and she is just beginning. She is going to outgrow you when she is finished growing up in 7-10 years.

[clearskies]

i encourage you to love her more and more... she will never stop loving you man.. you seem to her like an idol i am sure... forget about this silly story of a teacher up there.. what about meeting someone in a bar? In the UK , that is the cafe where people meet... come on drop these old ideas guys..

[bluesummer]

^^^Old ideas? At 18, I don't care how 'mature' they think they are, she's barely stepping into adulthood. She has a LOT of growth to do. I would NOT encourage her to 'idolize' him, that's dangerous behaviour, and could seriously skew her perception of what behaviours are appropriate in relationships.

I'm 28 years old, and I can tell you now that if ANY of my male friends brought home an 18 year old, we would take it as a huge joke. If he was serious about it, I would think he is suffering one of the following maladies:

1. Feeling like he wants to be 18 again because he can't handle the fact he's 30 and a big boy now.
2. Desperation
3. He's a pig and has a weakness for little GIRLS (that's right, I said it. She's not a woman yet, honey).

If you really think you are compatible, I think you are either living in a fantasy world, or you are the world's most immature 30 year old. Sorry to be harsh, but since I'm your age I can tell you how it would be perceived. Your buddies might encourage it, but that's only because you're potentially tapping some 18 year old ass, and they likely don't expect it to become serious.

[DoesntMatter]

I've never really understood why so many young girls go for guys so much older than them. What does she see in you?

[Gigabitch]

And remember Dan Savage's "campsite rule". if you're involved intimately with someone much younger than yourself, you are expected to leave them better than you found them, like a campsite.

Are you good for her?