Cheated...

[1averagejoe]

Babydoll you make a pretty good point. But I disagree with a few things. If you feel that way about relationships, I think it's only fair that you should tell him how you think of relationships and let him decide if he's willing to take that chance with you. At least you're not whoring yourself out and sleeping around, and I can respect that. And it's interesting to hear from someone who actually has cheated and acknowledges that it becomes a habit. I do agree with that there is nothing wrong with having a bunch of boyfriend/girlfriends when you are young. But I don't agree with being deceitful in a relationship. If you don't want to be in a relationship, dump them and find someone else.

My ex girlfriend cheated on me, the guy before me, and the guy before him. Without a doubt it has become a habit for her and to be honest that is a habit I would not be very proud of. But I do have a question for you babydoll. That question is, why? Why don't you just leave them for someone else? I'd much rather be dumped for someone else than to find out I was mislead and deceived by them. Sure it's hard either way, but having someone cheat on you is truly tragic and really tears you apart.

Stirfry, just understand what you did and what probably is going to happen. I really hope you don't do this again, no one deserves that. If he's not fulfilling your needs in your relationship then let him go. It's not selfish of you to let him go if you feel that your relationship is not going anywhere. It's selfish to tear the guys heart apart by cheating on him.

[lesa]

You can't be manipulated into something you don't want to do in the first place. Think about it. Could your friend have manipulated you to jump out the window? It sounds more like you allowed yourself to be manipulated so you can shift responsibility for the actions and blame onto him instead of yourself. Never mind your bf, what I wonder is how can you trust yourself after this? How can you look in the mirror with any form of certainty?

Anyway, all of that aside. Is this just a rant or are you looking for advice?

Stirfry you have to stop making excuses for your actions. That's another advice.

[Gigabitch]

So what have you learnt?

Exactly. In fact, go back and read Mish's entire post, really.

Stirfry, if you were my little sister, we'd be going for a long drive and a long talk right about now.

[lesa]

But I do have a question for you babydoll. That question is, why? Why don't you just leave them for someone else? I'd much rather be dumped for someone else than to find out I was mislead and deceived by them. Sure it's hard either way, but having someone cheat on you is truly tragic and really tears you apart.

I cannot answer for babydoll situation; however, there are many people especially young people who are entering casual dating. It is completely okay to casually date several people at the same time and then decide which one you want to have an exclusive relationship with. It's similar to all those reality dating shows. The problem in many cases that makes casual dating seem bad is that these people are not telling the other person that they are casually dating them. They have the other person assume that they are exclusive and that is where it becomes cheating. Communication is very important especially if what you really want to do is to casually date them and not boyfriend/girlfriend them . I have never casually date so I probably would not even do that..but I don't know. I know it is good idea to casually date if you just broke up or divorced or not looking for a serious relationship.

[misombra]

you haven't learned your lesson though. lessons like these go on and on for a long time. one such mistake turns into a bunch of problems that stack up over time and only a very strong relationship can endure it. like a tree in a windstorm.

it wasn't just in that moment in time that this problem existed, it was a decision that affects other people beside you over long periods of time. you don't seem to get that, and i think that's why people are upset with you.

very disrespectful what you did. especially disrespectful to yourself, giving yourself away like that. putting yourself in this position.

[Stirfry]

I guess I need to add more information. No, this isn't the first time I've cheated. No, my boyfriend does not deserve me. No, it won't happen again because I've removed that person from my life, and I see how much it hurts people I care about. Alcohol and drugs were a bad decision. I've made lots of bad decisions. No, I wasn't shifting responsibility. This whole mess was my creation. Bf knows absolutely everything there is to know about the situation. Yes, I deserve to be humilated.It's not that I want certain answers from any of you, I prefer recieving advice without the added insult.

[Cain]

I guess I need to add more information. No, this isn't the first time I've cheated. No, my boyfriend does not deserve me. No, it won't happen again because I've removed that person from my life. Alcohol and drugs were a bad decision. I've made lots of bad decisions. No, I wasn't shifting responsibility. This whole mess was my creation. Bf knows absolutely everything there is to know about the situation. Yes, I deserve to be humilated.It's not that I want certain answers from any of you, I prefer recieving advice without the added insult.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. You don't deserve a guy that doesn't cheat. So you cheated with a guy that was in love with you, and because you blamed him for manipulating you, you removed him from your life. Alcohol and drugs are always a bad decision. Yes, you were shifting responsibility, hence the many excuses you used. Yes, this mess was your creation because you're the cheater. Your boyfriend is an idiot. You deserve humiliation and then some. And if you want advice without the insults, then learn to not be a cheating whore.

[Mish]

No, it won't happen again because I've removed that person from my life.

Well, how can you be certain that it won't?

Honestly. I know you would like to believe that it won't, but how will you make sure that it won't? Look at your record, you cheated a couple of times last time on your current partner with your best friend which you now had to remvoe from your life. In the future you will have other best friends, you will still have some form of negative feelings for your partner and there will probably still be drugs and alcohol about. How can you convince yourself beyond the shadow of the doubt (not us) that this will never happen? And then what kind of technique will you use to make sure that next time when all of these elements come together history will not be repeated?

[Stirfry]

Cain, you're a sweetiepie. <3

[Cain]

Cain, you're a sweetiepie. <3

See! She's ready to cheat again!

[1averagejoe]

You're like my ex...

God, I hope I don't get unlucky and end up with another person like you and her. You've cheated before and now you cheated again. You'll find yourself never satisfied in a relationship. You'll end up feeling like the relationship isn't as exciting as it used to be, which is normal. But, since you've already cheated a few times, you won't see it as a big deal since you've already done it. May I ask you how many times you have cheated? Did you feel bad about it those times? If not, I honestly think you need to get some professional help before it gets out of control and becomes a problem when you do, if you ever do, get married.

Cheating should be illegal. I look at it as causing harm to another person, almost like abuse or harassment. I know in a few states it's illegal to interfere in another persons marriage. I think it's good idea actually. Marriage is like a legal contract, and interfering with something like that should be illegal.

[Cain]

She needs to be careful. She's going to cheat on the wrong guy one of these days and he's going to put her in the hospital.

[Stirfry]

You're like my ex...

God, I hope I don't get unlucky and end up with another person like you and her. You've cheated before and now you cheated again. You'll find yourself never satisfied in a relationship. You'll end up feeling like the relationship isn't as exciting as it used to be, which is normal. But, since you've already cheated a few times, you won't see it as a big deal since you've already done it. May I ask you how many times you have cheated? Did you feel bad about it those times? If not, I honestly think you need to get some professional help before it gets out of control and becomes a problem when you do, if you ever do, get married.

Cheating should be illegal. I look at it as causing harm to another person, almost like abuse or harassment. I know in a few states it's illegal to interfere in another persons marriage. I think it's good idea actually. Marriage is like a legal contract, and interfering with something like that should be illegal.

I made bad choices, doesn't mean I'm an effing idiot and can't learn. You can't say that everyone who's done X will definitely continue to do X. You don't know me; and I know I've giving some pretty bad impressions. Of course I feel bad about what I've done. I don't want to do this again. I don't and will not need to. Nobody, including myself, is omniscient... at least I can admit I have problems.

[Cain]

How many times have you cheated?

Be honest.

[1averagejoe]

I made bad choices, doesn't mean I'm an effing idiot and can't learn. You can't say that everyone who's done X will definitely continue to do X. You don't know me; and I know I've giving some pretty bad impressions. Of course I feel bad about what I've done. I don't want to do this again. I don't and will not need to. Nobody, including myself, is omniscient... at least I can admit I have problems.

That's true...now treat your boyfriend and future boyfriends like they deserve to be.


I hope you can stay true to the things you have said here. I think a lot of people here are very angry and pissed off at you because they know what it's like to be on the receiving end of it all. Have you ever had one of your boyfriends that you loved so much cheat on you? It hurts like no other, when I found out my ex cheated on me I hadn't cried so hard in years. The last time I cried that hard was at a funeral. I think a lot of people are transferring those emotions into this thread. I'll admit I have as well, I've tried not to but I'll apologize if I've come off as an asshole.

Prove us wrong, change, and be a better person