Amy's Dad Called Me...

[Junket]

...to wish me happy birthday yesterday.

That's the first time he's called since he asked for my number back in November.

That was awkward enough.

He asked me what I had done on the 13th and I told him I worked. And he said something along the lines of:

"Well that's good, you gotta work on your personal wealth, when you get rich enough you can take care of me, too."

I laughed it off, but I feel like I can't take him too lightly.

First off: The fact I'm co-habitating with his daughter without being married is a big step for them...Or is it?

They're old fashioned and they used to be firm believers in marriage before living together, much less sleeping in the same bed (they don't know about this because I have a separate room). Amy being the youngest is also supposed to take care of her parents when they get too old to work. It seems to be customary down their in Texas, at least in the more rural areas.

Part of me is afraid that they've been lenient with Amy and me because they've already gotten so old (60's). It's almost ridiculous to them that she's not married and popping out babies yet at 26. I'm getting the impression they don't want to scare me away with their old fashion morals since they'd rather have their daughter coupled up with somebody reasonable, even if he's a yankee.

Not only that, but when they visited down here last month, Amy's mom had a "baby talk" with her encouraging Amy to think about whether or not she wants kids.

Makes me wanna cut and run back North.

[vashti]

Amy being the youngest is also supposed to take care of her parents when they get too old to work. It seems to be customary down their in Texas, at least in the more rural areas.

What the hell? is that a joke? This was the story line in "Like Water for Chocolate" and I thought it was absurd (even though I loved the book and the movie).

[Junket]

What the hell? is that a joke? This was the story line in "Like Water for Chocolate" and I thought it was absurd (even though I loved the book and the movie).

No, it's not a joke, unfortunately.

Amy has mentioned this before we were officially dating, they really expect her, and whoever her husband happens to be, to take care of them when they're in retirement.

I seriously suspect that's why they've been so nice to me.

[vashti]

Oh.

My.

God.

[vashti]

Hey, fras - is that some sort of cultural tradition? Because I have never heard anyone from Texas mention that before.

[misombra]

when i'm old i want my kids to take care of me. cook me up some stuff. get me some water or whatever.

[Kromat]

You two are old enough to handle your own choices in life.
You should be able to take as long ad you want, since you have to make sure with your current situation before settling down.
Some things, you both will have to learn on your own, and decide when the timing is right.
Kids Don't always have to be the focal point of a relationship, your there for each other in the good & bad times and that should matter the most.
P.S. Every relate0ship is different, so don't let them encourage to rush into situations when your not ready.

[GrkScorp]

when i'm old i want my kids to take care of me. cook me up some stuff. get me some water or whatever.

That's reasonable.., but you should have to "ask" for it.., it's one of those things that's just offered.., out of respect and sense of responsibility..

The same way you take care of your kids and raise them when they're younger.., is the same way your kids will have to take care of you when you get older.., and if need be.., change your dippers too!

Best,

GrkScorp

[vashti]

I think there is a difference between kids taking care of their parents in their old age and expecting that the youngest single-handedly bears that responsibility.

How many siblings does Amy have, Fras? And why do they get off scott-free?

[bohemiandonut]

Don't worry about it.

[Junket]

I asked Amy the same thing.

Amy is the youngest at 26, the oldest sister is 39.

There's quite a gap there.

I guess they figure the younger one will be more capable of supporting them.

Both of her other sisters are married and well off. The middle one is especially well off, and her husband gets along well with their dad.

[Mish]

when i'm old i want my kids to take care of me. cook me up some stuff. get me some water or whatever.

And another good thing about having kids is that you can always guilt trip them if they don't

[PussyCatDoll]

Ames is older then you Fras?

Do you plan on getting married and taking care of em?

my bf's oldest brother will probably end up tkaing care of his parents. we have the oldest son rule

[vashti]

I had no idea this kind of thinking was so prevalent in the Western world. I always assumed that children just shared the responsibility, which can be a significant burden. It wouldn't be so bad if your parents are healthy, but if they aren't (and it is likely they won't be), the expense alone could drive you into bankrupcy, never mind the physical and emotional toll it takes on you. If they end up with dementia or something else catastrophic, it would be a nightmare to bear the responsibility alone.

I don't know... I might be willing to do that for my own family, but for someone else's? I would have to love them a REAL lot. Not my husband, but THEM.

I also want to point out that women are the ones who do the disproportionate amount of the physical care for the elderly. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if the males in favor of this system plan to delegate this responsibility to their wives. (Of course, they still take the credit.)

[PussyCatDoll]

i wouldn't be able to put any one in care