Freedom Before Marriage?

[Alex-Meli]

Hi, this is my first post and I just really need to get some stuff off my chest and need some opinions from other people, I'll start off like this I guess:

I'm Alex 17 from Germany, my girlfriend Meli is also 17 and 6months older than me, we have been together for 2years. I am Meli's first big love and serious relationship, she lost her virginity to me (which is important for later on in this post) and she hasn't really had any intimate activities with anyone else. We are planning on marrying in September, with which both of our parents have blessed and agree upon.

The problem is, Meli feels a.. I don't know how to describe it "compulsion" to atleast date and most likely have sexual experiences as well before we settle down and honestly commit ourselves to eachother for the rest of our lives.

(Now it might be silly but also a thought of ours is that later on in our lives we will probably go to swinger clubs together)

But basically, we are moving in together in 2months time in our first own flat just the two of us and, she in a way wants her freedom to gain experiences before we move and then draw a line and stop.
She says that obviously I am allowed to do the exact same.

Thing is that I have a lot more relation- and sexual experience behind me and that is what disturbs her I guess..



Something she also often says is that, it's partially because she feels this compulsion and she is scared, that in 5 or 10 or how many ever years, she'd betray me.

I'm kind of bummed, because I don't know what to do and I honestly think in a way she might regret it but then that's her concern. But I'll always be here to catch her when she falls like.

[vashti]

This is a clear indication that she is far too young to get married. You are, too.

Why would your parents even THINK of allowing this? Are they tired of supporting you both financially?

[Alex-Meli]

rofl... no it wouldn't change anything financially to be honest.. She lives on her own already, because of indifferences with her parents. I personally wanna move out, because I'm tired of living with my mum as my parents are divorced, we're both going a college a bit away from where we live now, not able to travel every morning there so we're moving in together nearby in a flat

[vashti]

Well I can tell you for sure that very few adults would consider marrying someone who already wants to sleep with other people and plans in advance to experience a swinger lifestyle. Also, I am sure you are aware that the overwhelming vast majority of people do not marry the kid they were dating at 17. This is because they usually outgrow them by the time they are 18 or 19.

Don't say you haven't been warned.

[PussyCatDoll]

woah. can't you just move in as roomies? do you have to be married?

[Mish]

Something she also often says is that, it's partially because she feels this compulsion and she is scared, that in 5 or 10 or how many ever years, she'd betray me.

I'm kind of bummed, because I don't know what to do and I honestly think in a way she might regret it but then that's her concern. But I'll always be here to catch her when she falls like.

You should probably go separate ways and get all of these "compulsions" out of the way. It sounds like she's not ready for a serious relationship. You are too young for marriage. It sounds like you and her need more life experience to be able to commit to a serious relationship.. Don't do something you will regret.

[misombra]

do you use contraception?

[bluesummer]

I agree. Why do you feel the need to get married so young? Why don't the two of you just live together for a few years and see how it goes? I guarantee you are both going to change a lot in the next ten years of your young lives, and you have no idea how much yet.

[Austinn]

Disaster alert. Disaster alert. Teenage Marriage.
Disaster alert.

[Cain]

I would never even let a conversation continue that involved my girlfriend having sex with other men. That shit would not fly.

I don't understand how you could be in love with this girl and even consider letting that happen. If she insists on it, break it off. In fact, I'd break it off anyways since she can't be sure she won't stray and cheat on you anyways.

And honestly, as others have mentioned, 17 is way to young to be even considering marriage. Most high school romances do not work.

[Tedel]

I agree with the previous posters, are you sure you're not just letting your hormones rule your lives?

Whatever, if you're really going to do this, then this is the main piece of advice I can offer: Tell her that the more men she had slept with the easier she will be able to compare... those who compare too much usually enjoy it less.

[Vina520]

I don't why your first post is so long ,but it is very reasonable , I like it very much .

[squirrley]

My gawd that's the biggest red flag right there! I wouldnt even consider moving in with her if she wants to experience and spread her wings! You are asking for some major heartache. 17 is way too young to even think about getting married. But overall, man, you can't be that whipped to let your gf go out and sleep around and then pick her up! Oh no way. You should go your seperate ways and if you find yourselves back together down the road great! Neither of you are ready for any kind of serious relationship.

[Gigabitch]

I wouldnt even consider moving in with her if she wants to experience and spread her wings!

Exactly. Do you want to be in the next room, listening to her as she spreads her "wings"?

[Cain]

Exactly. Do you want to be in the next room, listening to her as she spreads her "wings"?

I wouldn't even consider staying with her if she wanted to spread her "wings."