Does flirty lady friend want a one-nighter?

[anachronistic]

A girl I know is really flirty with me. We just started talking again after a few years. We started talking again, back before Spring break. Shortly after a while we were talking about sex. I can't remember who brought it up, but she was really into it, and she told me that she was on the pill, etc. The conversation got so deep that we asked each other if we had STDs. I am not sure, though, if this is a sign that she wants to have a one-nighter with me. Rumors have it that she is quite naughty, and is that type of girl. When I came back for sring break, I really thought when I hung out with her that something would happen, but I didn't make a move. We hung out a few times; we drove around with some friends, she came over to my house and we talked. I also went to a party, which she invited me to. By the time I got there, she was stoned off her ass, but she sat down next to me and talked with me the whole time. Still kind of flirty, I almost made a move.

She left the party, and so did I, 2 hours later. I passed out with the spinnies in bed. I woke up the next day, and found a voicemail on my phone. Apparently she tried calling after the party. She said something along the lines of "Hey, you should come over right now" The time of the message was about 4 in the morning, which is pretty crazy.

So, all I am wondering is if she seems like she wants to have a one-nighter. I am all for it; a one-nighter would actually be great for me. I'll see her when I am back this weekend. maybe something will happen. Should I make a move and see what happens?

[lesa]

Yep, she wants a one-nighter. I can imagine it but I would not want to do it. It's exciting though.

[Gigabitch]

The question is, do you want a one-nighter? Wouldn't that make you feel used and even more lonely? If you just want to get laid, the opportunity is there, but you tend to get emotionally involved with people you sleep with. Be careful.

[anachronistic]

The question is, do you want a one-nighter? Wouldn't that make you feel used and even more lonely? If you just want to get laid, the opportunity is there, but you tend to get emotionally involved with people you sleep with. Be careful.

Yeah, I do want a one night stand. I am okay with one night stands until I find someone who wants a relationship.

[Gigabitch]

Well, then off to the condom store with you, young man!

[anachronistic]

Yeah, I gotta get a few. I only have one left

[GrkScorp]

A girl I know is really flirty with me. We just started talking again after a few years. We started talking again, back before Spring break. Shortly after a while we were talking about sex. I can't remember who brought it up, but she was really into it, and she told me that she was on the pill, etc. The conversation got so deep that we asked each other if we had STDs. I am not sure, though, if this is a sign that she wants to have a one-nighter with me. Rumors have it that she is quite naughty, and is that type of girl. When I came back for spring break, I really thought when I hung out with her that something would happen, but I didn't make a move. We hung out a few times; we drove around with some friends, she came over to my house and we talked. I also went to a party, which she invited me to. By the time I got there, she was stoned off her ass, but she sat down next to me and talked with me the whole time. Still kind of flirty, I almost made a move.

This reminds me of a party my mother invited me to once.., sitting down.., one of her "friends" came over to the table.., and we started talking.., and she started asking me and my mother questions.., "Where does he go to school? What is he studying? How was college? Honors really? Do you know which firm you want to work for? Have you started doing any internships? blah blah".., it really was beyond fluff-talk.., it was an investigation.., the mother was filtering through a checklist of questions before she would attempt to make her close.., "I have a daughter around your age.., blah blah".., (really? I had no idea you were even taking the conversation there! You don't say.., do I qualify as her long-term provider? I would be honored to have such a catty mother-in-law such as yourself.., barf)

Without a doubt.., the same thing happened to you.., the girl in question just wants to have fun.., BUT.., not be careless and reckless about it.., so she really did go through a "covert" and "indirect" investigation.., and when you passed and checked off.., she really did start pushing.., and secretly hoping you would get the hint and same urges to push back.., make the first move.., and lead her into the bedroom.., (or nearest bush)

Rule of thumb: if she asks to come over your house.., and it's just the two of you.., please.., don't spend the whole day "talking"..

Additional rule of thumb: don't expect her to push.., her "setting you up" is her version of pushing.., which should tell you.., that she's secretly waiting for you to make the first move.., and lead her.., take control.., take command.., and lead things sexually.. (you already know this.., but sometimes other emotions cloud over that little fact.., just throwing it in there as a reminder)

Next time she's over your house.., (or when you invite her over your house).., start off by talking.., talking is always good.., and then let it quickly build up to a sexual conversation.., I personally like to refer to books i'm reading.., shows i've watched.., or even just pondering over things.., and leading into a sexual conversation..

Why?

Did you ever have people start talking about food.., or maybe you were reading it on a menu or somewhere.., and as you started reading or listening.., about the carefully cooked breast of chicken.., with fresh juicy strips of tenders on the side.., covered in the house's rich & creamy white sauce.., with sprinkles of lemon juice.., and lightly sprayed with white wine for a rich mouthwatering taste.., what happens to your mouth? Inside of it? Why are you all of a sudden salivating more now? Why are you all of a sudden a little more hungry than you were about 10 seconds ago? Because the idea.., concept.., and image of food is now in your mind.., the classic.., "ah! all this talking about food is making me hungry"..

Sex is not too different.. (and remember.., when you go to eat.., and you're hungry.., everything sounds good)

You'd be amazed at how many people don't really enjoy sex.., how very few people ever get to be in touch with their sexuality.., their sensuality.., and never really.., aware of all the feelings that take place in their body.., now.., have you ever had a moment where you were just really in the mood for sex? I mean.., just really REALLY turned on? Can you remember what that was like? As you get really turned-on.., where in your body.., do you start feeling it first? Is it way up in your head.., or down below you? Yeah? And.., is it an almost comfortably numb & throbbing sensation.., or a relaxing & refreshing tingling sensation that you feel inside of you.., now.., just take your hand.., and before you close your eyes.., now.., put your hand over where you feel it.., inside you.., the most...,

(note: you're not looking to have her please herself.., you can start off by having her hand guide yours.., and go down and start to tease her lower lips and rub on her clit.., just to tease & torture her a little.., and slide two of your fingers inside her.., as you use your lips and body to work up the rest of her.., breathing slowly and sensually on her skin.., and continue talking)

And obviously.., you transition from fingering.., to going down on her.., teasing & torturing her.., then letting her orgasm.., to sex.., to having her go down on you.., to having her finish you off.., and then.., (time permitting).., do it all over again..

Just.., don't think for a second she's going to "start" or "initiate" anything.., she might just want to have fun.., but she doesn't want to feel like a wh0re or slut.., so it's your job to start things and lead her.., believe me.., once the sexual talk starts to get heavy.., and the ambient noise from the moaning and grunts start to get greater.., stronger.., and her breathing gets heavy and uncontrollable.., it's on.., and she knows it.., and from that point on.., she's following.., so continue leading..

One last thing.., why don't you have a problem with one-night stands? I don't understand how you can just enjoy something like that with an other person.., and not want to keep enjoying it for more than just one night.. do you feel no connection to the other person after sex? Personally.., I feel a lot closer the that other person.., and one-night stands suck for that reason.., It sucks when they happen.., I don't understand people who actively go out looking for them..

Best,

GrkScorp

[anachronistic]

You'd be amazed at how many people don't really enjoy sex.., how very few people ever get to be in touch with their sexuality.., their sensuality.., and never really.., aware of all the feelings that take place in their body.., now.., have you ever had a moment where you were just really in the mood for sex? I mean.., just really REALLY turned on? Can you remember what that was like? As you get really turned-on.., where in your body.., do you start feeling it first? Is it way up in your head.., or down below you? Yeah? And.., is it an almost comfortably numb & throbbing sensation.., or a relaxing & refreshing tingling sensation that you feel inside of you.., now.., just take your hand.., and before you close your eyes.., now.., put your hand over where you feel it.., inside you.., the most...,

How exactly do you build up to this part of the conversation? I could easily, and subtly shift the conversation to the topic of sex, but I have never gotten any futher with my speaking-skills.

(note: you're not looking to have her please herself.., you can start off by having her hand guide yours.., and go down and start to tease her lower lips and rub on her clit.., just to tease & torture her a little.., and slide two of your fingers inside her.., as you use your lips and body to work up the rest of her.., breathing slowly and sensually on her skin.., and continue talking)

I would try this if I were so smooth as to be able to get my hands to grope her.

And obviously.., you transition from fingering.., to going down on her.., teasing & torturing her.., then letting her orgasm.., to sex.., to having her go down on you.., to having her finish you off.., and then.., (time permitting).., do it all over again..

Do you go down on a chick during a one nighter? I dunno if I want to cross over that line...

One last thing.., why don't you have a problem with one-night stands? I don't understand how you can just enjoy something like that with an other person.., and not want to keep enjoying it for more than just one night.. do you feel no connection to the other person after sex? Personally.., I feel a lot closer the that other person.., and one-night stands suck for that reason.., It sucks when they happen.., I don't understand people who actively go out looking for them..

It depends. I can enjoy sex with no strings attached, but it's not as if I do not care about the female. I don't mind it, even though I am looking for someone that can offer me something long-term. They help us out when we're young and horny men. God bless those women.

I think I would be willing to have the girl as a sex partner. That would be great, but then, what do you do when you meet someone that you're interested in having a relationship with? You've gotta cut it off at some point, and when you are having a sexual relationship like that, feelings could develop, and possibly get hurt. That's why I am indecisive beyond the point of a one nighter. Open relationships are messy. I was in one at the beginning of last semester, and I was the person in the relationship that started developing feelings, and I ended up getting hurt.

[GrkScorp]

It depends. I can enjoy sex with no strings attached, but it's not as if I do not care about the female. I don't mind it, even though I am looking for someone that can offer me something long-term. They help us out when we're young and horny men. God bless those women.

If you care about the girl.., then you definitely can't do a one-nighter.., but also.., if you care about her.., then it's also just as bad to start a relationship with her just to "help you out when you're young & horny".., that's pretty messed up if that's the only function she's good for in your relationship with her.., (this mentality reminds me of my asshole friend Ben.., yes.., we're friends.., but he's still an asshole)

Manage your expectations.., either you tell her that you really like her.., and that you want to be in a relationship together.., or you tell her that you are both great friends.., and you have a lot of fun together.., and sex is amazing.., and you can still continue to have sex.., and still be friends.., but that at the moment.., you don't feel anything more than that.. (or.., if you don't think there will EVER be more than that.., then say so)

So I still don't see how you're ok with one-nighters.., having sex with someone you like.., and then just never seeing them again.., to me.., that's just painful.., it's happened to me once.., back in January.., and it really hurts.., when you meet this great person.., you just both click.., great connection.., amazing sex.., and then.., gone.., they don't call you back.., that's the last you ever see of them or hear of them.., I dunno.., I can't even bear to have it happen to me.., let alone actively go out and look for such situations..

I think I would be willing to have the girl as a sex partner. That would be great, but then, what do you do when you meet someone that you're interested in having a relationship with? You've gotta cut it off at some point, and when you are having a sexual relationship like that, feelings could develop, and possibly get hurt. That's why I am indecisive beyond the point of a one nighter. Open relationships are messy. I was in one at the beginning of last semester, and I was the person in the relationship that started developing feelings, and I ended up getting hurt.

Who says you need to cut things off.., or be in an open relationship?

Friends with benefits (FWB) are the best thing since sliced bread.., take for instance.., my two strait friends.., Carla & Maria.., i've known them since.., damn.., since freshman year when I was an undergraduate in college.., Carla was a one-nighter victim and Maria was in a short-term relationship where she was just being used for sex.., the guy? Ben.., so guess who they stayed friends with? That's right.., and they really are two of the best female friends that I have.., and with both of them.., i've helped them with drama in their life.., i've been next to them to help them get their life together in terms of school.., work.., and their finances.., and we always hang out and talk.., and it happens the same way almost all FWB happen.., one night.., things lead to sex.., you don't plan for it.., it just happens that way.., and before you know it.., you've had sex with a really good friend.., and you don't want to stop being friends.., but at the same time.., the sex was amazing.., and that's when it hits you.., (what's the problem?).., there is no problem.., there's an understanding.., that you're not in a relationship.., that you're still friends.., and that you can have sex from time to time..

Rules:

- The two of you are not in a relationship
- To everyone else.., you're "friends"
- In reality.., you're FWB
- You can still be close friends.., it's not a "just sex" relationship
- If you're developing romantic emotions.., you must tell your FWB about it
- You can have sex with eachother (but not talk about it with others)
- You can have sex with other FWB
- You MUST tell all your FWB about ALL of your other FWB.., who they are (no secrets)
- If you are in a relationship.., there is no more sex with your FWB

It's more or less.., just a very close & open friendship with someone from the opposite sex.., you're so close with eachother.., and so comfortable and open with eachother.., that in addition to all the other things you do as friends.., you can also have sex with eachother.., I don't feel there's anything wrong or awkward about it.., or anything wrong with it.., as long as everyone is honest..

It's great though.., some of the best sex you'll ever have.., is with your FWB.., seriously.., only because of the kind of relationship you both have.., it's just casual.., relaxing.., friendly.., you could be watching a movie.., giving her a massage.., and all of a sudden.., things will lead to sex.., and it's great.., it's like the kind of sexual lust/passion you see in the movies.., but never really have with someone you're dating or in a relationship with.., and it's not just for one-night..

So.., don't think about things as limited to "one-night stands" or "open relationships".., FWB is like taking your friendship to a whole new level.., it's a different kind of sexual energy.., not with a romantic interest.., but with a really good and close friend.., there's just a different kind of chemistry going on..

Best,

GrkScorp

[GrkScorp]

Do you go down on a chick during a one nighter? I dunno if I want to cross over that line...

I don't have the whole "one-nighter" mentality.., not that there's anything with people who do.., but I just never get myself into things.., or go into things thinking.., "one night stand"..

So.., since i'm having sex with someone I do like and care about to some degree.., yeah.., priority #1 to me.., is their pleasure.., I get pleasure from giving pleasure.., I think most guys do.., I know you're definitely one of those guys too lilwing.., so it's a beautiful thing to go down on her.., it just makes for better sex..

But again.., it's sort of strange to be getting my input on this.., because I have no clue how one would view a one-nighter situation.., so maybe there really is some "line" you feel is there that shouldn't be crossed.., in that case.., no.., don't cross it..

Best,

GrkScorp

[GrkScorp]

How exactly do you build up to this part of the conversation? I could easily, and subtly shift the conversation to the topic of sex, but I have never gotten any futher with my speaking-skills.

In my mind.., the way I do it personally.., is by a combination of feeling the other person's emotional state (to see where I am.., and where I have to go.., what's working.., what I should do more of.., what I should do less of.., etc).., that's the most important thing.., you can have no model in your mind about how to go about things.., but when you're able to feel the other person's emotional state.., feelings and thoughts.., then it's a fluid transition into sex.., amazing sexual pleasure.., and killer orgasms.., you don't need anything more to get all three of those than just this alone..

I then combine this and incorporate it into three models I have in my mind:

1. Female model: ways women have transitioned into sex
2. Male sexuality model: ways I have previously transitioned into sex without the use of other models
3. Hypnotic model: ways you can create and lead one through emotional states.., so that you can transition into sex.., and then sexual pleasure.., and then orgasms..

All of this takes place instantly.., and it's automatic.., all unconscious.., there's no thinking.., just doing.., i'm just breaking down the entire mental process so you can get a better understanding of what goes on..

So.., examples:

Female model: When me and my ex were watching Cruel Intentions.., and the part with Sarah Michelle Gellar came up when she was on top of Ryan on the couch.., and getting him hard.., she got on top of me.., and started doing the same thing.., getting me turned on and leading into sex.. (I then take the elements of that model in my mind.., and incorporate them into any given situation.., and how i'll get that person turned on.., to transition into sex)

Male sexuality: When I transitioned from a massage.., into a more sensual massage.., and started using my nose to gently tickle her neck and shoulders.., then put my hands on her waist and butt.., then started to breath on her.., deeply.., and slowly.., in an erotic manner.., she would turn around.., and I would give a slow but naughty smile.., then started to softly kiss her neck and shoulders.., and my hands worked down her thighs and up to the side of her breasts.., then my kissing got more erotic.., a very subtle and slow lick and warm breath right before my lips would make contact with her skin.., and as I started kissing down her neckline.., my hands found their way to her breasts.., and when then.., as I started kissing and licking her breasts.., my hands found their way down and into her pants.. (completely non-verbal.., just understanding all the elements involved.., how it's more than welcome.., how it's a smooth transition.., a playful and sensual transition)

Hypnotic model: Strangely enough.., the best hypnotic model I have in my mind.., is from a porn video my brother sent me.., with a female clinical hypnotherapist giving a handjob to a guy.., everything about that video.., from begining to end (even though the begining is just a bit of a turn-off) is very erotic.., especially the part in the end when she's like.., "aww.., what's that.., you can't hold it in anymore.., well.., not yet..".., then.., "you can't hold it in anymore can you? no?".., and eventually.., "just let it go.., you can come whenever you wanna come.., almost there.., you go.., there you go.., just let it all go".., just as the guy was cumming.. (again.., emotional state calibration.., guiding someone through states.., building up feelings.., keeping them on a certain level for a while.., then taking them up one level.., and releasing inhibition.., allowing for the other person to just let go and enjoy themselves completely)

With that in mind.., you can make for some really sexy and sensual transitions into sex.., and for some very enjoyable sex.., again.., it's natural.., if you have to think about "what should I do/say".., something is wrong.., it should just be an instant process.., you should feel yourself getting into some mode.., almost like going on autopilot.., and just naturally.., boom.., moving from regular interaction.., to sexual tension.., moving from sexual tension to playful teasing.., moving from playful teasing to more sensual teasing.., then to more sexual teasing.., and then to sex.., that's how it happens.., there's nothing else there to it.., that's all there really is..

So.., be it non-verbally.., or verbally.., or both.., you can make for a smooth shift into sex.., for as long as you don't allow anything to make you feel like you're being held back.., "oh no.., there's some issue with saying this or doing this.., maybe this.., maybe that.., oh no I shouldn't.., blah blah"..

All i'll say to that is.., more often than not.., she's secretly waiting for you to lead things and transition into sex.., very few will actually initiate.., some will give you hints.., most are too shy to even give you hints.., they'll instead pray you'll read their mind or be in the mood yourself and just lead things.., so.., just initiate things.., it's really no big deal.., especially from someone who's made it clear that she wants it.., badly..

She wants it.., what more is there to think about? All she needs is an excuse.., trust me.., if you initiate.., not only won't she object.., she'll secretly thank you.., it'll sound something like "aahhhhahahaa ohhh yes.., fcuk! don't stop.., aaahahhhaaaaa!!!!"

Best,

GrkScorp

[GrkScorp]

She left the party, and so did I, 2 hours later. I passed out with the spinnies in bed. I woke up the next day, and found a voicemail on my phone. Apparently she tried calling after the party. She said something along the lines of "Hey, you should come over right now" The time of the message was about 4 in the morning, which is pretty crazy.

This was a booty-call on her part.., waiting for you to get up.., walk out in the middle of the night like a zombie.., go over there.., and

Don't expect her to give you a call saying.., "I want you to come over and fcuk me" or "I'm really horny right now" or "I just want to have sex right now.., come over".., that's not going to happen.., mostly because it takes the magic and tension away from things.., so by the time you get there.., she won't be nearly as much in the mood as when she called you..

Consider this.., I know Carla for years.., and when she wants it.., she'll call me over.., at some crazy hour of the night.., somewhere after 10pm.., sometimes 2-3am to come over and:

- Watch a movie
- Keep her some company
- She's feeling down and needs someone to talk to
- Just wants to hang out

There's always some "reason".., but that reason is always an "excuse" to get me over to have sex.., I know it.., she knows that I know it.., and I know that she knows that I know it.., but she still says it.., because she still needs excuses for herself.., to convince herself that she didn't call me over just to have sex.., and that things just lead to sex.., and that it wasn't her doing.., but my doing that made it happen.., whatever..

So.., if Carla isn't going to call me up and tell me something to the tune of.., "I need d*ck now".., then don't expect this girl to do anything like that either.., she gave you a pretty big invitation.., and you didn't take it.., but at least you can tell her that you were seriously just passed out.., and that's why you didn't come over.., but you'll come over next time.., or maybe next time.., she can come over.., whatever..

After sex though.., try and push for FWB.., seriously.., all you really need to do is say that sex was great.., you had a really great time.., and that you always have fun together.., you like spending time with her.., and being friends.., and you want to be able to stay friends.., but you'd also want to do this again sometime.., and just leave it at that.., because the next time you have sex.., things will start getting implied.., and you'll both start falling into the habit and understanding that you're both now FWB.., and then one day a little talk will follow (about the rules).., and after that point.., you're basically FWB.., for as long as you don't make it awkward and continue to be close friends.., you can just keep having sex with someone you trust and are close friends with..

Definitely a human mating call on her part though.., that was just a couple of notches away from something like.., "i'm so wasted! i'm so wasted!"

Best,

GrkScorp

[littlewing]

Man that GrkScorp guy writes a lot

[misombra]

if you do have sex with her lilwang, please wear at least 4 condoms.

then wrap the rest of yourself with saran wrap.

[Gigabitch]

Yeah, and then take a pic. I don't want to miss that.