Marriage?

[mtinlove]

I am a 24 year old college student dating a 30 year old (not in college). This is my first serious relationship. We have only been together a year but I dont want to be one of those women in a relationship for 5 years...I dont know why I just think its stupid, if you love the person shouldnt you be ready for marriage? The other day it came up when talking about purchasing a home...he said in a couple years it depends, am i still in school, how are we financially...etc. But I have also expressed that I do not want a big wedding so finances wouldnt change.... I am new at all this and would like some advice, I am sure I am being stupid.

[Mish]

We have only been together a year but I dont want to be one of those women in a relationship for 5 years...I dont know why I just think its stupid, if you love the person shouldnt you be ready for marriage?

Marriage is a very serious commitment. Most people enter marriage with an expectation that it will be something that will last a life time. You've only been together for a year, how well do you think you know him to say that you are ready to dedicate your entire life to this person?

I agree that waiting 5 years is a bit excessive, but I also think that it depends on the knowledge already available. How deeply do you know each other (and not just favourite food or interests, but entire personality patterns, entire routines, actions and reactions to a whole range of external stimuli, can you predict each other's behavior in a whole range of complicated situations - and thus deeply trust each other) to say that both of you are ready?

[mtinlove]

True. Does it make a difference that we have lived together for 8 of these months? haha. I know we should wait anyways to get married after thinking about it, for many reasons including credit....I also said I dont want to be engaged for more than a year so maybe he is waiting until we are truly ready to go get married within the next year. Thank you for your post! You truly opened my eyes!

[vashti]

I think you should be completely independent for a couple of years (live alone) before you marry. It really helps you grow and develop a sense of self. Obviously, I mean after college.

[mtinlove]

so wait....you mean me and him should live seperately? See I dont agree...I believe you should live TOGETHER for some time before marriage.

[vashti]

so wait....you mean me and him should live seperately? See I dont agree...I believe you should live TOGETHER for some time before marriage.

I really don't mean to sound condescending, but this is only because you are young and inexperienced. You are focusing on the marriage, while I am focused on personal development. You will not know yourself fully as an adult until you have grown into your independence. As for your belief you should live together, well... you already have, so now that you've gotten that out of the way, now you can work on personal growth.

Why rush into a decision you can spend the rest of your life regretting? Why NOT take some time to allow yourself to become a fully-functional adult before you make a decision about getting married? People tend to do a LOT of maturing and growing in their 20s, and you may very well find that what you thought was a great plan as a college student looks different at 28 or 30.

[mtinlove]

Very true. I have lived on my own for years before I met him which I did do some growing then. I am also more mature for my age in almost every aspect than the obvious...RELATIONSHIPS. So I will take that advice, and slow down my thoughts for the future. Take some time to grow as I continue and finish college. I do believe once I receive my degree I will be a different person, just hopefully me and my wonderful man grow together

[Tedel]

The quick answer is that if you are not sure you are ready for marriage, then you're not.

Mum told me: "Don't get married unless you are completely, brutally and absolutely sure that, no matter how you change with the years, and no matter how she changes with the years, you will still be able to love that bitch."

Mum's wise, don't you think?

[lesa]

The quick answer is that if you are not sure you are ready for marriage, then you're not.

Mum told me: "Don't get married unless you are completely, brutally and absolutely sure that, no matter how you change with the years, and no matter how she changes with the years, you will still be able to love that bitch."

Mum's wise, don't you think?

lol, that's funny Tedel but it is also true. They may have way too many annoying habits and their looks drastically change, but you still love that a**hole.

[mtinlove]

see its not that im not sure if im ready. i guess more time wouldnt be bad but if he asked me today, id do it because i love him completely.

[IndiReloaded]

but if he asked me today, id do it because i love him completely.

If someone asked you to pool all your financial resources in a business venture, assume 50% of all risk & liability, would you do it? Just because you love them?

Marriage is no different, darling. Don't let the hormones cloud your good judgement.

Love is good, but it is only small part of what makes a great marriage.

"Marry in haste, repent at leisure." Its an old truism for a reason.

[twisted]

what's the rush anyways? i don't get it.

[mtinlove]

its not really that im rushed....I guess its just a way for me to see that he really does love me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Now that I really think about it and read everybodys responses (as well as other posts) I see that there are other ways to get this fulfillment, and marriage obviously doesnt mean forever lol.

[IndiReloaded]

I guess its just a way for me to see that he really does love me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

Grow up. That is all.

[mtinlove]

thats rude. i dont need that advice thanks