Seven year relationship split. Advice please.

[DaveJarvis]

Hi all.
I have been with my girlfriend for nearly seven years.
We both have our own homes. But have got into a routine of me staying at her home on Friday and Saturday and giving each other our own space during the week.
This has worked great and up until about 6 months ago, our relationship was fantastic. Great lifestyle, great sex life, lots of going out together for shows, meals, drives etc.
My girlfriend has a very stressful full time job, and three teenage daughters, plus a mortgage and not much money.
I am fairly comfortable financially and always tended to help her out. Lots of nice clothes, I bought and maintained her car and even gave her a few hundred pounds each month directly into her bank. We had a holiday each year, paid for by me and everything seemed great. We even discussed getting married and moving in together when the girls had grown up.
About six months ago, she started to come home and just sleep on the sofa for a couple of hours and generally just act very depressed and downbeat. No matter what I tried to do, I never got to the root of the problem.
She would never discuss her problems or even try to snap out of it.
Our sex life suffered so much that for the past three months we have done nothing but a few kisses. If I tried to touch her, she would just say, "I'm tired and not in the mood".
About four weeks ago, we went out to a show, which we both enjoyed. I took her home and she said that she was very tired and would ring me in the morning.
She rang me next morning, thanked me for the nice evening and said that she thought it unfair to keep me in a rubbish relationship and that she thought it best if we split.
I respected her wishes and kept at arms length but spoke daily on the phone. She said that she was tired and could not give enough attention to a full time relationship.
However a few days later, shed txt me to ask if we could meet up and discuss our dilemna.
We had a great day, shopping and dining and everything seemed like it had been when it was great. I even ended up buying her lots of clothes and giving her a load of cash to help her with her bills. I made it quite clear that by accepting the cash and clothes, she must have a wish to get our relationship back on track.
After that date, she called me to say that she was spending 3 days in Europe visiting a friend of hers.
Alarm bells rang and I thought. She is going with another guy.
My suspicions were extinguished when her Mum (the most honest person I know) confirmed that she was going alone to see her friend.
When she got back, she was in another depressed state and told me that whilst away she realised that she did not want to continue with the relationship and that she did not want to hurt me.
She has sworn on her kids' lives that there is nobody else involved and that she feels her life is going nowhere.
Obviously, I tried to reasoon with her, but we have now split officially and it not only hurts, but I am extremely confused.
Her friends and Mum say, just leave her for a while, she will come back.
I am now keeping away and going out with my mates.
I desperately want her back, but am now afraid to start chatting to other goirls, just in case, she then wants to give it another try.
Before you all think I am some soppy wimp, crying into his orangejuice, you are wrong.
I am a 6ft 6inch ex boxer with a lot of great girlfriends before this one.
I have a good group of friends and am extremely self confident.
Your advice on what to do, would be greatly appreciated.

[Gigabitch]

Okay, so you're a great big hunk of man crying into his orange juice. There's no shame in it.

Okay, did you see Run, Fatboy, Run? Remember the part where Simon Pegg says, "I thought it was better to spoil your day than to ruin your life."?

I think she's doing that. She feels that she's not good enough for you and she never will be. She sounds depressed as hell, and I'm worried about her mental state. Breaking up with you is going to send her into a sharp downward spiral. Please tell her mom to keep a close eye on her.

Can I ask why you're waiting for the girls to be grown before you get serious? Is this your choice or hers?

[vashti]

I agree she seems depressed. It could be a hormonal issue. In any case, stop spending your money on her.

[Lozenger]

I agree with the replies above.
She sounds very unhappy bless her, is it to do with her job?
I would definitily keep contact with her and get her mum to keep an eye on her too. She needs to remain strong for her teens - particulary because teens have lots of drama and ups and downs at this moment in their life.

Best Wishes

xxxxxxxxxxx

[IndiReloaded]

I agree she seems depressed. It could be a hormonal issue.

+1

I was thinking the same thing. Perimenopausal? That & three teenage daughters is enough to make any sane woman crazy.

If you love her, why aren't you married yet? I'm not suggesting this as a fix, to be clear. Just wondering why it hasn't happened yet. Is it her or you that's holding back?

[Mish]

I desperately want her back, but am now afraid to start chatting to other goirls, just in case, she then wants to give it another try.

If you want my advice, go out and start chatting to other girls. If she wants you back and wants to give it another try then you will cross that bridge once you get there. Don't put your life on hold for her. Both you and her don't deserve this. All it will do is make you resent her. She was quite clear with you, that she needs some time off. Use that time to explore and play the field. Maybe you will find some new friends who will keep you company in this difficult time. Or maybe (just maybe) you will find someone even better than her.

[Journey]

DJ,
I'll put in my 2 cents..or shillings in this case. From the sounds of it, what she is doing is completely unrelated to you, so don't take it personally.
Yo got it goin' on fo shizzle. Clothes, shows, head to freakin' toes. Guaranteed she comes-a-knocking at your door the first sign of some extra heat around the corner. Hell .. next weekend leave the Range Rover at home and take out the Rolls.

Seriously though it sounds like you really care about her. I'd be confused too. It seems like very strange behaviour after almost 7 years. Thats a looong time. I would have thought there was someone else as well - but it seems like that is not the case. The only thing I can suggest is to give her the time she wants. In the meantime, go hang with your friends - but like you, I would'nt be able to, all of a sudden, dive in the deep end with another woman. Take it at your own pace. HOWEVER.... I WOULD take out the Rolls. ie. there is a postitive side to this. And its all about you.