I want my soul mate back

[Smith]

Hello

I recently bumped into a problem and want some advice on it.

When I was small I grew up in a small town there I met a girl who I loved until I left high school. She was my girlfriend, my best friend and my soul mate all rolled into one. We were together for a very very long time. But I didn’t realize how much I loved her at the time because I was only worried about 1 thing and that was to get into an Ivy League university. After graduating I was accepted into an Ivy League university so I packed up my belongings said good bye to my dad and just left without even saying good bye to her or anything like that. While I was studying there she wrote several letters and e-mails to me I deleted her e-mails without reading them and sent her letters back to her without opening them because at that time I was only worried about 1 thing.


So I decided to visit home for the first time in almost 6 years after graduating and as luck would have it I bumped into her and we both just stared at each others eyes for about 30 seconds before she moved away. I could see the tears in her eyes but I just didn’t know what to say to her. After seeing her again I can’t help it but feel sad and ashamed for blatantly hurting her in such a manner. When I did talk to her a few days later she was rather cold and somewhat hostile towards me.

Please tell me what can I possibly do to get her back I definitely know she is the one for me because while I was studying I did have girlfriends and lovers but it didn’t last more then 1 year either I ended up cheating on them or just plain lost interest in them.

[sexyeyes83]

I think you need to find out the reasons why you didnt say goodbye and returned her letters.

If you want any chance of working things out, it had better be a very good reason. It will take a lot to get forgivness in this situation.

If that had happened to me, there would be no second chances. Its all very well breaking up due to your situation, but simply ignoring someone completly is totally different.

Times move on, and from what youve posted it appears she has as well.

[PussyCatDoll]

no contact in 6 years then you just bump into her?

ergh..you need go round there with the biggest bunch of flowers you can find and tell her how sorry you are, and why you acted like such an idiot.

i wouldn't be surprised if she now sees you as just a friend. out of sight is out of mind, and you were out of sight way too long.

[Smith]

It’s not like I meant to hurt her I thought she would just do exactly as I did and forget about me and anyway while studying I only wanted to be rich and I admit it I didn’t care for anyone or anything least of all her, I even didn’t think ignoring her was wrong I would justify this to myself by saying that it doesn’t matter whose feelings you hurt as long as I don’t steal other people’s money I wouldn’t go to hell. Recently I found out that it took her quite some time to move on and she even had to go a see a psychiatrist for a while. The reason why I didn’t come home for all this time was that my mum died when I was 10.5 years old and my dad since then hasn’t had a stable relationship. He owns 2 very successful business so he was busy all the time and the only time he came home was either to spend time with me or to bring his mistresses or call girls over for the night. He would do whatever he did with them in mum’s bed and sometimes they would put her jewelry on and these facts really bothered me. Plus I found out that she’s been single for about 1-2 months and she split up with her last boyfriend under really bad circumstances and there is no possibility of them getting back together (which is good it makes getting her back so much easier). Anyway what am I meant to tell her “sweetheart because of my greed I choose money and power over your love” and although I know where she lives but I am too scared to go there.

I really need help where should I start? I need her forgiveness, I need her back in my life because my life is hollow and empty without her and the more I think about her and see pictures of her and me together from the past the more I know that I can never love anyone like I loved her. I really don’t want to end up like my dad. I want someone to come home to someone to share my ups and down’s with.

[Gigabitch]

You need to see a psychiatrist also. Immediately. When you've begun therapy, tell her you're actively working on trying to address the profound damage that's been done to your heart so that it will be a worthy gift to her someday.

Right now, you don't deserve her.

[IndiReloaded]

Its still all about you, tho, isn't it?

I need her back in my life because my life is hollow and empty without her and the more I think about her and see pictures of her and me together from the past the more I know that I can never love anyone like I loved her. I really don’t want to end up like my dad. I want someone to come home to someone to share my ups and down’s with.

You sound like a selfish prick. Sorry. Cold and hostile is a completely appropriate response to someone like you. You aren't offering her anything in terms of a give & take relationship.

You lack empathy. Get some counselling as Giga suggests. Good luck.

[Kiechi]

Its still all about you, tho, isn't it?



You sound like a selfish prick. Sorry. Cold and hostile is a completely appropriate response to someone like you. You aren't offering her anything in terms of a give & take relationship.

You lack empathy. Get some counselling as Giga suggests. Good luck.

HAHAHA.

[Smith]

I took "PussyCatDoll" advice and bought her the biggest bunch of flowers I could possibly find and I also thought of a very good false excuse to justify my actions as to why I ignored her for 6 years. Then I finally found the courage to go to her house at first she didn’t want to see me or let me in but I pleaded with her to at least hear what I had to say. Once she had let me in I gave her the flowers but when I looked into her beautiful green eyes I just couldn’t lie to her. I couldn’t think what my false excuse was even its like my brain just froze. So I just told her the truth about everything and why I didn’t come home for 6 years and why I deleted her e-mails and returned her letters to her without opening them. She cried and told me how it made her feel and how it took her a long time to get over me and how she felt that it was unfair to her that I just showed up and wanted back in her life. Then she said that she was confused as to what to do she didn’t want to get hurt like that again. From one of my friends who is going out with her best friends I found out that she’s hesitating in trusting me. What can I do so show her that she can trust me again?

[lesa]

I took "PussyCatDoll" advice and bought her the biggest bunch of flowers I could possibly find and I also thought of a very good false excuse to justify my actions as to why I ignored her for 6 years. Then I finally found the courage to go to her house at first she didn’t want to see me or let me in but I pleaded with her to at least hear what I had to say. Once she had let me in I gave her the flowers but when I looked into her beautiful green eyes I just couldn’t lie to her. I couldn’t think what my false excuse was even its like my brain just froze. So I just told her the truth about everything and why I didn’t come home for 6 years and why I deleted her e-mails and returned her letters to her without opening them. She cried and told me how it made her feel and how it took her a long time to get over me and how she felt that it was unfair to her that I just showed up and wanted back in her life. Then she said that she was confused as to what to do she didn’t want to get hurt like that again. From one of my friends who is going out with her best friends I found out that she’s hesitating in trusting me. What can I do so show her that she can trust me again?

I have no real advice. I just wanted to say that this story breaks my heart. It is so sad, especially for her. I would not try to get back in her life in any way unless my intention was to be with her for the rest of my life and to never cheat and be unkind; give love and attention and understand her side of things. If I cannot do those things, I would not even bother. It needs to be a fairy-tale story now and a good one!

[sticko]

Smith, you sound like a total skeeze man.

She's too good for you in my opinion.

[IndiReloaded]

She cried and told me how it made her feel and how it took her a long time to get over me and how she felt that it was unfair to her that I just showed up and wanted back in her life. Then she said that she was confused as to what to do she didn’t want to get hurt like that again. From one of my friends who is going out with her best friends I found out that she’s hesitating in trusting me. What can I do so show her that she can trust me again?

Smith, your posts still fail to show ANY understanding of what you actually did to her. You suck & I still think she should run as fast as she can. I'm not giving you any advice about how you can get w/her until you get yourself into therapy.

Try volunteer work. That helps to build empathy. Good luck.

[littlewing]

Find a witch that makes potions...

[Gigabitch]

You can be there for her every single day for the next six years. Only after that will you have any right to even think about asking her to trust you.

[Smith]

Hello

I think I made some progress at last. She came to my house (I was really unprepared for this never in my wildest dream did I imagine that she may actually still care about me maybe even still love me) anyway we had a long talk about everything. She told me all about how hard she tried to forget about me but she couldn’t and how she compared her other boyfriends with me and how that caused trouble in those relationships then she gave me back all the letters that I had returned and demanded that I read them out loud and answer them. I really felt a little guilty at that point but I understood why she did this because she really really hates being ignored. As I read the letters I found out that she had become pregnant with my child about a month after I left but she felt that she couldn’t raise the child all alone so she had an abortion. When I read that part of the letter I could see tears rolling down her face at this point I felt ashamed to look directly at her. She then asked me how I managed to completely forget about her so I told her the truth of how I burned all the memories of me and her together pictures, presents, cards everything. Even the pictures of me and her together that I had found this time I clearly remember searching for them so I could throw them into the bon fire that I made all those years ago. Before she left she looked at me and said “Give me a reason. Make it up to me”.

How do you make up for something like this? I consider myself a strong minded and successful individual. I graduated from MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology), while I was studying I thought to myself that I can’t rely on my dad’s money all my life so I set up my own engineering company and I’ am doing very very well and lots of girls in the past had told me that I am very good looking. Everything that makes a man successful and proud but yet I don’t feel that way. I feel as though I am defeated, I feel that all my achievements have been stripped away from me I feel like I have nothing in this world.

What should I do? Should I try to make it up to her? If so how? Or should I just leave and hope that she forgets me forever.

[lastwish]

As I read the letters I found out that she had become pregnant with my child about a month after I left but she felt that she couldn’t raise the child all alone so she had an abortion.

You bastard...that was your child.

Man....you probably need to at least devote a century of your life to her. Tortured like a dog until all your dignity is stripped off. I don't believe she is actually implying that she would give you a chance to make it up.