Very Interesting/ Confusing Situation...

[InCAtoday]

I have become entangled in a very confusing situation. I will try to explain it in the best way possible to receive some opinions.

I have known this woman for a year and a half. I work with her at the office. I am 28, she is 35. The entire time I have known, she has been engaged, but it did not seem like a happy engagement.

While I have known her, we have always been great friends, but only at work. We never really seen each other or talked outside of work. Never really wanted to start anything, as she was engaged. During this year and a half, we talked about having a relationship, but in a light-hearted way. She gave me gifts every now and then at work. We never really talked about anything that happened outside of work, including our personal lives.

About three weeks ago, she ended her engagement. She began to call me at home, which is something that has never happened in the time we have known each other. Our work relationship has become very strained. It seems we are very nervous around each other, although when we text or talk on the phone, everything seems ok. Our last conversation went on for a few hours. During this conversation, we talked about her ended relationship, and she asked about my relationship. We also tried to figure out why our work relationship is so weird. She tried to keep asking me what she did to cause this, and to tell her what is on my mind.

I guess I have a few questions. The first would be does anyone have any ideas how to fix the work relationship. It feels very strange at work seeing as how we don't talk much at work, but we do outside of work now. Does anyone have any ideas as to why this awkwardness would occur?

I have another question. I am somewhat interested in pursuing a relationship with this person. Is it the right time to let her know that? She has given me a few subtle comments that make it seem she feels the same way, including talking to a mutual friend about us. Then I think about the fact that she just got out of the engagement, and it may be too early.

I am very confused with this situation.

[bluesummer]

The work relationship likely feels strange now because you are creating a relationship OUTSIDE of the workplace.

I dated someone I worked with, and suddenly the working relationship we had was altered. It felt weird to be in the same room as him, or to work together too closely, and I can't really explain why. Maybe because I was thinking about all the nasty things I wanted to do to him outside of the workplace.....

[Mish]

I guess I have a few questions. The first would be does anyone have any ideas how to fix the work relationship. It feels very strange at work seeing as how we don't talk much at work, but we do outside of work now. Does anyone have any ideas as to why this awkwardness would occur?

It probably feels awkward and strange because of all these new feelings and new thoughts. You've never viewed each other this way before, so this is all very new for the both of you. I've been in a very similar situation to your a couple of times and what I found worked for me was changing my perception of this person just being a friend and nothing more than that. I suddenly felt a lot freer about what I can do and say around her and she picked up on that and it was never wierd or awkward being next to each other at work again after that.

I have another question. I am somewhat interested in pursuing a relationship with this person. Is it the right time to let her know that? She has given me a few subtle comments that make it seem she feels the same way, including talking to a mutual friend about us. Then I think about the fact that she just got out of the engagement, and it may be too early.

I personally recommend getting to know her a bit better outside of work. This is for you. People often make a mistake to jump straight into a relationship without actually knowing if there is a good chemistry between them and the other person that will make the relationship last. I recommend spending more time with her outside of work, getting to know her better. Then when you fully feel you are ready, go for it

[Tedel]

Well, as I see it, she's obviously into you and you are obviously into her too. The best way to solve your job issues, therefore, would be looking for another job, either of you. It's part of Tedel's mantra for job relationships: One must quit or the whole thing will get spoiled.

Just be careful with something else, amigo, are you sure you want to become a toyboy?

[Gigabitch]

I think you're her rebound guy and she's using you as an emotional crutch. I also think you shouldn't even think about getting involved with her if you're not ready to quit your job if you have to.

[InCAtoday]

Thanks for all of the replies.

I never thought about the simple fact the work situation is different because of what is going on outside of it. I am kind of taken back by the fact that everything is perfect outside of work, and then different at work.

I really do want to take time with this. I don't want to jump in without knowing the true feelings. I wish I could get a little bit more out of her before I put myself on the line, but I guess that is what everyone would like to happen.

I have been job searching for the past couple months casually, so I do not plan to stay at this workplace long term anyway, so I don't think that is an issue.

As for being an emotional crutch, I have thought about that. The thing is she has told me that she wasn't happy in her relationship for a long time, and is happy to be out of it. I have seen a change in her attitude towards others to be sort of happier than before.

[Tedel]

That said, my best wishes for you, amigo.