Need advice...I messed up with my girl (long distance) and I want her back...

[123456]

I'm VERY sorry this is long but I really need some help. Long story short. My girl lives in Chicago, I'm in Arizona (I used to live in Chicago that's how I know her). I didn't see her for 3 years and she ended up visting my cousin out here and we fell for eachother again (she had a boyfriend too). When she went back, she literally was obsessed with me and I was too. She couldn't go more than 10 minutes not talking to me everyday.

Now 2 weeks ago, she met a guy and her and her friends have been going out with him and his friends A LOT. I got VERY insecure and paranoid that I started asking her "Do you like him?", "I hope you don't catch feelings for him", "Do you still wanna be with me?" and we fought about this like crazy for about a week. After I started acting like that, she started playing games with my head and started flirting with this guy on MySpace knowing I'll see it. The guy even changed his name on MySpace to "Nick & Jen's Myspace". (Her names Jen). She told me she would lose feelings for me unless I stopped so I stopped about 4 days ago. She ended up fighting with my cousin for hours today because my cousin told her she has no respect for how she's treating me. And she told my cousin "It's not my fault I'm not interested anymore." She doesn't know that my cousin told me.

Basically, I know I messed up acting so insecure. I know EVERY female hates that because their man gets weak. So I'm going to Chicago next week, and I need some tips/advice on what to do to really get her back. Everyone I've talked to is telling me "She's only acting like this because she wants to get reactions out of you. So when you stopped complaining she wanted you to have something else to complain about. We're sure she still likes you." And they told me to just not look depressed, try to have fun, and act like I don't mind if she leaves me and she'll eventually come back to me since we've had a huge past.

Any help would be appreciated. I really can't let this girl go. 10 years of being hooked on her is very hard to let go of.

[vashti]

She said she wasn't interested in you anymore. I don't know how you can recover from that, my friend. You guys live too far apart, and it sounds like she needs more attention than you can give from across the country. My best advice to preserve your dignity, and move on. Once you are "over her", you will be glad you didn't behave foolishly.

Sorry.

[123456]

I've been "over" her maybe 5 times. I just cant get over her and not come back to her. She lost interest in me because of the way I acted I'm sure. NO girl likes a guy to be insecure, and I pushed it. I can be in Chicago all the time and she knows that. I can even move over there and she knows that. So I'm not worried about long distance.

My problem is getting her back. I know I messed up acting like a little kid. There has to be a way to getting her back though. I mean we HAVE been on and off for years. But this time she went from being obsessed to this. Now I just got another guy in my way, and the way I acted really hurt me.

I mean I KNOW that it is not impossible getting a girlfriend back. I just need some tips/advice on what to do when I'm in Chicago next week. I wish there was at least an ALMOST guaranteed way she would come back to me...

[123456]

Please I need all the help I can get. I've really been depressed for weeks because of how much things changed with this girl.

Let me also add that she hasn't completely stopped talking to me. Few days go she called me when she woke up and we talked for 40 minutes. That same night, I went to sleep and she called me (i didn't pick up), texted me, (didn't answer), and then called me again all in 15 minutes. I answered her second call thinking something might be wrong but she asked me if I was sleeping and I said yea and she's like "shit..you want me to let you go back to sleep?" and i said yea. Next day she texted me while she was out and I was out and we talked for an hour texting. And just since then she's been texting me a few times a day. Even last night when I went to sleep but I didn't answer. So it seems like deep down she still has feelings for me.

I took advice from some other girls and they told me to just not answer her for a few days so that she sees how it's like without me.

PLEASE all you professionals on here just take a few minutes and let me know what I can do about this. GrkScorp's your posts are really opening my eyes and I'm hoping you could say something in this thread. I'm literally at the point where I can't even eat. I really do not want to let this girl go. Last time I did, she ended up with a guy for 2 years. That was the biggest regret of my life that I encouraged her to be with him. I just NEVER want to give up with this girl. The reason she even came back to me last month was because of me still wanting to be with her ever since I was a kid. I KNOW this girl is the one. I've known for years. I just can't take everything that's been happening it's killing me

[Gigabitch]

Dude. You're completely delusional.

First of all, there is no LDR that can last for long without complete trust. ****ing with your head when you got insecure shattered your trust.

Yes, you should have dealt with your fears and not shown her your belly like a submissive dog, but let's think about that for just a minute. If a dog came up to you and rolled over on it's back, cringing and whining, what would you do? Would you pet it and try to make it less afraid of you? She would kick it with her spiky shoes on.

This person is mean. I think you should seriously reevaluate your attraction to such a person. What if you make up with her and end up getting married someday? Your children will have a cruel mother.

[123456]

See the thing is I've known this girl is like this. Her sister even warned me that she'll test me all the time. I'm taking all this as a test.

I understand no LDR lasts without complete trust. That's why this happened. For 3 weeks we COMPLETELY trusted each other and everything was going 100% perfect. Then as soon as she met this guy and her sister told me that he looks like he likes her, I told my girl "I swear if this guy is all over you or is trying to get with you I'm gonna kill him when I come out there." Since I said that, everything started falling apart because I kept saying things like that for a week straight. And she told me over and over again "I don't care if he likes me just please trust me that I don't at all and I won't." So with how I came at her with everything, I'm not surprised this happened. I even got to the point where I had other people go to her and fight with her. She HATES insecurity. All her relationships ended because of that. Most of it is obviously my fault.

So now, I know not to let anything like that get to me if she was mine again. I just need to figure out how to get her back so I get another chance. I SERIOUSLY thought once she was mine, that's it. I'm a complete idiot for thinking what works in movies works in real life.

[Gigabitch]

She was messing with you in the first place by bringing him up. If he really was no threat, you wouldn't have even heard about him.

[bluesummer]

My question is.....how are you even supposed to make this work living as far apart as you do?

[Cain]

Three weeks of complete trust isn't nearly enough time in a long distance relationship. I'm in one myself, and I will be for the next year, and for the first few months of our coming into the distance there was a lack of trust. It caused a tremendous amount of problems and it took a major breakup to get us back on track.

Personally, I'd be hesitant about my girl hanging out with a guy that we both know likes her. While I trust her, I don't trust the guy. Luckily, my girl has no interest in having guy friends and therefore doesn't hang out with any.

She seems to enjoy getting a rise out of you otherwise she wouldn't have had that guy change his myspace to "Nick and Jen's MySpace." Too much drama, imo.

[123456]

Gigabitch....it was me that brought all that up. Her sister met a guy (Ben) and they were all going to a mall and ended up getting lost. She called me to find directions and then in the middle of the call Ben called Nick (they're cousins) to come meet them up and help them find the mall. As soon as she called me back later the first question I asked was "Were any of these guys hitting on you" like an idiot.

bluesummer....Chicago is like my second home. My whole family is out there (not my immediate family). I can be in Chicago every month if I want.

Cain...I agree with everything you say. But I really think the insecurity is what killed everything.


I just need to get her back....lately I haven't called or texted her or anything. She's been doing it and I haven't been answering all the time. She ended up telling my cousin she lost interest in me and my cousin wasn't supposed to tell me about it (bullshit...we all know she told my cousin because she knows she'll tell me). So for the past 2 days my girl has been calling me and texting me trying to find out if my cousin told me. I told her I don't know anything and I'm acting like I don't care either.

[Cain]

Gigabitch....it was me that brought all that up. Her sister met a guy (Ben) and they were all going to a mall and ended up getting lost. She called me to find directions and then in the middle of the call Ben called Nick (they're cousins) to come meet them up and help them find the mall. As soon as she called me back later the first question I asked was "Were any of these guys hitting on you" like an idiot.

bluesummer....Chicago is like my second home. My whole family is out there (not my immediate family). I can be in Chicago every month if I want.

Cain...I agree with everything you say. But I really think the insecurity is what killed everything.


I just need to get her back....lately I haven't called or texted her or anything. She's been doing it and I haven't been answering all the time. She ended up telling my cousin she lost interest in me and my cousin wasn't supposed to tell me about it (bullshit...we all know she told my cousin because she knows she'll tell me). So for the past 2 days my girl has been calling me and texting me trying to find out if my cousin told me. I told her I don't know anything and I'm acting like I don't care either.

It's like a childish game. She tries to act not interested in you so you come running back to her and beg her to stay with you. That's not how things are supposed to be after high school.

[123456]

It's like a childish game. She tries to act not interested in you so you come running back to her and beg her to stay with you. That's not how things are supposed to be after high school.

That's definitely true. But honestly that's how this girl is....sooner or later though that has to stop and she knows it. She just loves the attention. The friends she's with are the type that always want to have fun so it's just natural for her to be the same way. That is the ONLY problem with her that I would know how to handle if I got another chance with her. And I honestly don't want to wait a while before I try again with her because this girl sometimes does NOT think before she does something. Last time I let her go, she almost got married to her boyfriend and making a big mistake. I ended up getting her to change her mind. So I really don't want to take the chance of letting her go because she WILL do something stupid. I honestly think if she was mine again I could get her to stop acting like she is. I just messed up this one time.

All these complaints I'm having about her is nothing compared to the good things about her believe me. If there were more bad things than good I would have never wasted my time. Anyone that knows her loves her to death.

Solving all these problems I had before we fell apart isn't something I'm worried about. The whole point of this thread is what could I do to get her back. I know many would say "move on" or something but that's not an option right now because I know this girl still has feelings for me so I want to be with her.

[Cain]

You need to drop the whole "I can change her" plan. As most of the people that have thought that will tell you, you can't change someone that doesn't want to change. She likes the attention. She wants the attention. She craves the attention.

So how are you going to convince her that she doesn't need, want, or crave attention when you are 2,000 miles away from her?

She's childish. How old is she? 19? She's still an an immature stage and needs to get out of it, but only she can do that.