Who pays?

[UniBu]

Yes I know a guy should be the one that usually takes the bill but please read before you make any comments.

So I've finally got the nerves to ask this one girl at my work out for lunch. Keep in mind that we don't necessarily work in the same department but we are currently working on a project together right now, with her being the client. Also, I am starting to have a likeness in her. This lunch, is more of a "non-work" involved outing where it's just me and her. At the same time, you can kind of say this is a warm up to a dinner date to which I am thinking of asking her, though I was also thinking of ask her once our project is done in a few weeks. Also, when I asked her to going to lunch, she sounded really excited about. Even sending me a Calender reminder in our email Outlook.

So I guess my question is, when it comes to paying bill, who pays at this lunch outting? Do we split the check or should I offer to pay for it. Or I could somehow get the company to pay the tab, seeing how we can possibly put it on our "project's" budget that we're currently working together on. Sure if this was a real date, I'd would gladly take the bill. But seeing how this is probably a warm up to the date, should I take the bill? Also, do I recommend a place that is nice or just you normal restaurant for lunch? It sounds like she too is interested in me from the way how she sent me a calender reminder. Is it too soon to ask her out on a date even though our project isn't over yet? What are your thoughts on this entire situation? Thanks.

[GrkScorp]

1. Yes I know a guy should be the one to take the bill but please read before you make any comments.

2. Keep in mind that we don't necessarily work in the same department but we are currently working on a project together right now, with her being the client.

3. So I guess my question is, when it comes to paying bill, who pays at this lunch outting? Do we split the check or should I offer to pay for it. Or I could somehow get the company to pay the tab, seeing how we can possibly put it on our "project's" budget that we're currently working together on.

4. Also, do I recommend a place that is nice or just you normal restaurant for lunch? It sounds like she too is interested in me from the way how she sent me a calender reminder.

5. Is it too soon to ask her out on a date even though our project isn't over yet? What are your thoughts on this entire situation? Thanks.

You remind me of my father's friend James, a divorce attorney who was infamous for getting female clients, working hard to win favorable terms on their divorce, and would take them out after the divorce was finalized to celebrate (cough cough.. have sex with them now that they were no longer clients, and the attorney-client relationship didn't apply)

Honestly, i'm not going to sit here and go on and on about morals and judgements about what you do with people at work.. Because that's meaningless chitter-chatter you could hear from anyone else, and it's not going to get you any results or offer any real answers..

1. Says who? Exactly.. Ever bothered to ask "why"? Yeah, don't.. you're going to get a whole bunch of reasons ranging from "a real man.. a gentleman.. blah blah.. it's tradition.." to.. "that's how you treat a lady".. Yes, you can get a good feel for the lack of substance in each "reason".. The only reason is to make her feel special.. You don't even have to end up paying.. it's just the offer that counts..

Examples: (Read, very important)

- Case I: The check comes, girl reaches for her purse, guy sees her reach.. and just pays his half.. she gets frustrated now that he "didn't even offer to pay"

- Case II: The check comes, guy offers to pay, girl offers some token resistance in the form of.. "oh no.. please.. you don't have to, that's ok.. are you sure?" and the guy backs off and allows her to pay.. she again feels frustrated..

Now you know, so avoid both of these cases;

- Case III: The check comes, either guy or girl offers to pay, the guy persists, the girl persists via "no, I got it, it's ok" and the guy mistakes this as a female-fake-reach.. she gets frustrated, insulted, and angry, much like a male would for refusal of an offer..

Now you know, so avoid mistaking a genuine offer with a fake-reach

2. So what.. unless the company has a serious issue with it, or you're in the accounting or legal profession with codes against this that can strip you of your license to practice, then it's no big deal.. it's not an issue at all..

3. If the woman is a tax attorney or an accountant, don't put the bill on the company budget.. it screams "cheap & dishonest".. even if she's not.. don't do it.. because it's just cheap & dishonest.. don't kid yourself or the company.. this is not a regular business expense realized in the ordinary course of business.. The purpose of this lunch serves no business purpose.. and the first subtle thing you can do to communicate this, is not bother charging it on the company budget.. even if you have the option to.. even if nobody will find out.. don't do it.. it's symbolic, that even though you could have not paid for it.. you wanted to pay for it.. and with that being said.. don't "offer" to pay.. just pay for it.. It's frustrating to watch guys next to me in the city say something like "I got it".. seriously.. just shut-up get the check, pay for it, without making it into some big deal or elaborate display of something..

4. It's your first "not really a date".. If you're going to go some place "nice" or fancy, you might as well bring flowers, rent a limo, and wear a tux.. Seriously, it's not the prom.. it's lunch.. Don't make things into a big deal.. transition.. take it easy with all this pressure.. relax.. good..., now.. just pick a regular place.. nothing too special.. just ordinary.. relaxed.. comfortable.. where the two of you can just open up and have lunch and feel free to open up, talk to, be comfortable with, and relax around eachother.. this will allow you to not be up-tight or fake.. and will give you the chance to get to know eachother better.. A casual, relaxed, comfortable place is ALWAYS better than a nice, elaborate, fancy place for that first "quasi-date"

Bonus: When you really get to know eachother, that goes to imply in both directions (she gets to know you better, you get to know her better).. then this gives you both legitimate grounds for a second date, (or a first, real date).. it allows for a better and smoother transition.. so start off casual.. and build up slowly.. don't rush for the grand finale' before you even started to know her yet..

5. My answer to that is going to be the classic legal answer; "it depends".. All jokes aside, it really does.. If you say she's your client, then you're acting in her best interest.. you need to remain objective to do your job the best way you know how to, for her best interest.. That's impossible when you have some other relationship with the client that doesn't allow you to think objectively.. So, if you feel that's the case, that's a judgement call on your part.., then you may want to tell her that after the "lunch date".. that you'd like to go out sometime, after the project is over because you don't want to complicate things with respect to the project.. or you can not mention it and find the excuse to "go celebrate" when the project is completed and final.. It's up to you..

But, I think that covers a lot of ground.. now.. you know what you should and shouldn't do.. hope it all works out..

Best,

GrkScorp

[Illusional]

it's simple, you're a guy and you asked her out to dine.. then you should pay. however, since this is the first outing, keep it casual. that's the simplified version of scorp.

raverboy

[FoxyLaydee]

it's simple, you're a guy and you asked her out to dine.. then you should pay. however, since this is the first outing, keep it casual. that's the simplified version of scorp.

raverboy

I second this.

I have no problem paying for a date but it's always nice to have the guy pay on the first date. I wouldn't use the company's credit to pay even though it's somewhat related to the project you guys are working on and also, ask her out AFTER the project is done.

[Illusional]

well not all of us are blessed with company credit cards.

raverboy

[UniBu]

Thanks for all the input so far. I'll keep those in mind. Appreciate the comments. Thank you.

[FoxyLaydee]

Thanks for all the input so far. I'll keep those in mind. Appreciate the comments. Thank you.

You're welcome, UniBu.

Do let us know how it went... the date or the lunch cum project talk sort-of-date.

Good luck!

[vashti]

I think next time you go out, you shoud make it clear that you are asking for a date. It simplifies things when you say what you mean.

Have fun!

[misombra]

i can't believe you're asking this.

don't be so cheap and pay for the lunch ya goof.

[Kiechi]

WAIT. You asked her? You pay for it. Cheap ass Asians.

[Mish]

The one who asks is the one who pays, thats the rule

Though, I'm recently making a habit to pay for all dates. Just because. It gives me a feeling of power. That I'm providing for them. That they owe me one. It's an empowering feeling

[FoxyLaydee]

WAIT. You asked her? You pay for it. Cheap ass Asians.

WAIT. How did you come up with the assumption that he's Asian?

[vashti]

The one who asks is the one who pays, thats the rule

Though, I'm recently making a habit to pay for all dates. Just because. It gives me a feeling of power. That I'm providing for them. That they owe me one. It's an empowering feeling

Take comfort in that artificial sense of power. It won't last.

[Mish]

Take comfort in that artificial sense of power. It won't last.

Nothing lasts forever

But this REAL sense of power will last for as long as I will

[Kiechi]

WAIT. How did you come up with the assumption that he's Asian?

Actually, you know what? I have NO idea.

Oh the offense I have caused.