My Relationship with a Married Woman

[soccerguy23]

Hi everyone.

I am here to tell you my story, but most importantly, I am seeking advice and opinions.

I will start by telling you a little about myself. I am 23 years old and live on the East coast. I was only ever in one relationship before and it was only for about a year when I was 18. I haven’t had sex in almost 5 years and have only ever been with one partner, my girlfriend at the time. I’ve been on a dozen dates with a few different girls over the past couple years but never started a relationship. I am a fairly attractive guy, I am just very laid back, shy, and not very ambitious when it comes to starting a relationship. I have a full-time job and a few friends. I keep busy and have a lot of hobbies. I’m athletic and am usually either out playing a sport, watching a sport, or messing around on the computer.

Anyway, two years ago I met a woman through an online video game. Her name is Brooke. She is 43 years old, lives on the West coast, married, and has a young daughter. The day I met her, she needed help with her account on the game and had to email me something for me to solve the problem for her. I helped her out and we went our separate ways. About three months later I forwarded some sort of comic to everyone in my address book and it went to her. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. I didn’t even realize she was in my address book. She ended up writing me back a short email. I wrote her back. This went on and on for about a month, mostly talking about the game and random silly stuff.

Eventually we formed a friendship over email and the emails became a bit longer and more personal. Over time, honest flirting was added in. After about four months of short emails, maybe two per day on average, we eventually exchanged instant message screen names and began chatting through instant message for about a year. I learned that her and her husband grew apart a few years ago. The two main reasons were she caught him cheating on her, and also he would not give up smoking Marijuana when their daughter was born. She wants to get a divorce but thinks it would not be best for her daughter. I learned that she is lonely because she and her husband are no longer in love. She hasn’t had a sex life for a few years other than self pleasure.

Eventually one day we started to tell each other our fantasies and sex stories. I guess you would call it cyber sex, but it was more so just one of us taking turns on pleasing the other. I have always had a thing for older women sexually, so this was like a dream come true for me. We only talked about sex a few times over a couple months. Basically what I am saying is our relationship didn’t turn to strictly sexual talk, just every once in a while we would please each other. Eventually she suggested we try it over the phone. We traded nude pictures of each other a couple times. She is a very attractive woman. I masturbate to her pictures pretty often.

We probably had phone sex three or four times over a two-month period, with a few other calls in between just talking. She got a new job and I cut back on my computer use so eventually our instant messages turned to short text messages via cell phone throughout the day. The text messages have been going on for almost six months now, anywhere from five to 15 per day. We text each other goodnight and tell each other I love you. We have already talked about our relationship openly and both agreed it would obviously never work out much beyond where it is now, but we are both happy with it the way it is.

About three months ago I was invited to one of my old friend’s wedding. He is getting married out West. When I told Brooke, we both brought up the idea of us meeting. The wedding is about seven hours from where she lives. We worked out the details and are going to meet each other halfway. The wedding is in two weeks and I will be meeting her the following day. We are going to spend the day together, and the night at a hotel. Then we will unfortunately have to say goodbye in the morning so I can catch my flight home. We are both very excited to meet and we bring it up everyone once in a while.

In the back of my mind, my conscious sometimes tells me that I shouldn’t be doing this because she is married, but I truly believe there is nothing wrong with it because they have been “emotionally divorced” for a few years now. I guess some people will feel it doesn’t make it right, but I feel okay with it. I would love to hear people’s opinions on that. We made it clear that we will share a bed and obviously have sex and a lot of fun, but haven’t really talked much about plans outside of the hotel (which is okay by me... haha). We are meeting in a very boring city. I guess my vision of the experience is that I will check into the hotel early and have her meet me there. That way we can break the ice in private and such. Then we will probably go for lunch or dinner and spend most of the early evening in the hotel room. I guess you can say I am a bit nervous because I am not near as experienced as she is, however she knows my limited sexual past which makes it less nervous for me.

I would like to hear people’s opinions on me and Brooke’s relationship. Also I would very much appreciate some advice for when we meet. I am somewhat nervous, but we love each other, and know everything about each other so I think we will have a lot of fun once we break the ice. If you would like to talk to me in private and hear more juicy details, feel free to private message me your instant message name and I can probably chat with you there sometime.

Thanks for reading...

[Gribble]

I got no problem with infidelity. I think it's perfectly normal, sane and healthy. Without it I think we'd have a helluva lot more spousal abuse and alcoholism. But not when it's going to potentially break up a home for a little girl. I hope her husband finds your scrawny little ass and beats you bloody. How can you do that knowing that there's a child out there who loves her mom and dad? How can you go **** something up like that for her? You selfish shit. If that woman wants to get divorced that's her business. And feel free to bone her afterwards. But until then you're nothing but scum and so is she.

[vashti]

Well, obviously you have at least a LITLE bit of a problem with seeing a married woman, or you wouldn't have posted about it.

Too bad she is married, and you know this ain't right, although I do feel some pity for her situation as you describe it.

What I don't understand is why you can't find someone more suitable for yourself. If all you wanted was a sexual relationship, this would probably work out, but you claim you are "in love" (cough cough), and I can't see how this will work out for you. In fact, it has the potential to get really ugly, and you will have had a hand in destroying a little girl's family.

[soccerguy23]

Thanks for your input Gribble and vashti.

[soccerguy23]

I understand the concern about the child and "breaking up a family", but honestly the only reason she is still with him is because she was a homemaker a couple years ago and thinks it would be not best for her daughter. As I said in my post, she has a job now and is trying to become more financially independent so the official divorce can eventually happen. It is already a broken marriage, just not official. I'm not saying it is right but I am just trying to give you more information about it.

Thanks again for your advice.

[Gribble]

Show a little decency and keep your nose out of it until it's official. Completely out of it. No talking. No nothing. Give her the opportunity to resolve things with her husband or leave him of her own accord.

That's what a real man would do. Do you have the balls to do things right or not?

[soccerguy23]

I have at least a week to figure this out, so I will seek out others' opinions as well. I do appreciate yours too, so thanks Gribble.

[vashti]

Word of warning: until the divorce is final, she is still married. How do you know for sure she plans to leave her husband? Because she said so? People lie.

[soccerguy23]

vashti - I don't know that she would for sure. In the meantime, I am okay with the boundaries and we both realize that our relationship can't go much further than it is right now. However, meeting in person is a huge step and that is why I am seeking advice. I am considering not to if the consensus is that it would be a bad idea.

[Mish]

In the back of my mind, my conscious sometimes tells me that I shouldn’t be doing this because she is married, but I truly believe there is nothing wrong with it because they have been “emotionally divorced” for a few years now. I guess some people will feel it doesn’t make it right, but I feel okay with it. I would love to hear people’s opinions on that. We made it clear that we will share a bed and obviously have sex and a lot of fun, but haven’t really talked much about plans outside of the hotel (which is okay by me... haha).

Hey soccerguy. You're looking at it entirely from the point of view of self interest. You're not caring about the needs of anybody else but yourself. That's okay I guess, a lot of people operate in this mode. But, since you are looking at this situation entirely from point of view of self interest. I would like to bring your attention to something that you won't be able to ignore.

That something is your conscience. You my friend are the only one who will have to live with yourself after this. Can you picture how it will feel? Will you be able to always justify this act to yourself day after day? Will you be able to look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself as a good person, someone deserving of a good life? One day, you too will probably have a family, a wife and a little girl. Will you be able to look at her from the point of view of a good, decency and trustworthiness or as someone who can at any second have sex with a younger version of you? Will this act in the end make you into a good, decent person with a happy life or a jealous, untrusting dumbass who can't stand living and destroys other people's lives around him?

So there you go. You self interest, you conscience and your life. What move you will make on this chessboard will determine a lot in your own future. So think very carefully about your next step.

Good luck!

[soccerguy23]

Thanks, Mishanya.

[misombra]

meeting in person will probably be the destruction of your relationship, both online and otherwise.

[vashti]

I bet you could find penty of older (unmarried) women who wouldn't mind spending time with a young guy like yourself. Try checking out the career professionals.

[IndiReloaded]

Show a little decency and keep your nose out of it until it's official. Completely out of it. No talking. No nothing. Give her the opportunity to resolve things with her husband or leave him of her own accord.

You seem like a sincere fellow. Whatever your feelings about conscience, infidelity, family & values, this^ is what all reasonable advice will boil down to. This, and get out and have a life in the meantime.

Seems crazy to me, tho, considering you haven't even met. Its a faux relationship.

Meantime, perhaps you also want to Google a couple terms, I think you'll find them helpful:

codependence & emotional affair.

Good luck.

[FoxyLaydee]

Hey Soccerguy,

Besides being sexually attracted to one another and passion for online game, what else do you both have in common?

You sound as if you're up for it - sexually but not emotionally, am I right? I guess you can ask Brooke if she is okay with that - giving her sexual pleasure and nothing else but let me tell you this, women are unable to compartmentalize. She might end up being emotionally connected to you, if she hasn't already and are you ready for that?

If you are, you must also be ready to face the fact that she may never leave her family for you. So I think you should really give it a thought before taking this 'R' further. Another thing is, why don't you ask Brooke what does her H think of 'open marriage'? If he's okay with that then by all means, have fun with Brooke!