BF doesnt find me attractive anymore.

[Herz]

Kannst du Deutsch (Herz?)

nicht sehr gut.

IndiReloaded, I think I realize what your saying... I was kind of skipping over it with out registering it in my mind. I think I should talk to him tonight, because I want to fix things most of all. But I am using breaking up as a threat. I've realized I've kind of done this once in the past, but I didnt follow through with it and the whole thing got washed over. I dont like admitting it because it makes me feel bad. But I also feel like Im at a point where I dont know what else to do. I'm just going talk to him, and work out my feelings without any interruptions. And make a final decision taking his own feelings into account. I guess it should be something we decide together and if he needs time to think about it, I'll just give it to him. If his final decision is to leave me, he can make the decision if he wants. Since I still have feelings for him, I can wait.

[IndiReloaded]

The worse thing you can do right now is make any more decisions while your emotions are high.

Do you have someplace you can go? I asked you this before.

I would go visit family/a friend & tell your ex that you need some time away to sort out your emotions & he should do the same. Its a perfectly reasonable request. Let your present decision take root before making the next one.

If, once you calm down, you decide you actually care about this guy enough to try to work things out, make a specific list of what you'd like to see changed. And I do mean specific. Guys are very solution focussed & he will only take your requests seriously if you can tell him what it is you want from him.

If you can't do this, and all you have is a vague request about your relationship being 'better', he is perfectly within reason to get upset.

Tho, honestly, he sounds like a selfish prick w/issues that are larger than you & that he needs to sort out for himself before committing himself to a serious relationship. I'd let this fellow go, he's not ready to be in a mutually supportive relationship. I'm not sure you are either, but you are definitely getting a learning experience from all this. Be polite, yet firm in your resolve to move on would be my advice.

Good luck.

[Herz]

Do you have someplace you can go? I asked you this before.

I dont really have a place to go. Friends I know live in dorms that dont allow visitors after 10 it's a bitch to sneak in. But I could ask him to stay with his friends. I feel impatient now, i just want to figure things out. But I'm going try to control my thoughts and feelings.

[Herz]

GrkScorp:

I know it's how it seems. And that really what makes me feel nervous about the whole situation. I dont want to be viewed as that kind of girl. I dont feel like Im that kind of girl, and I dont feel like he's that kind of guy. I think I put him in a certain light that just sounds horrible. But he not that bad. When he have our good moments he's really caring, and he looks me in the eyes with adoration. He just has 2 extremes, an complete asshole and then a complete omg I love this guy he's perfect. There's not a stable middle ground and thats what Im trying to find. He's really emotional, and I feel like he keeps changing himself because of his insecurities. I know he has a good side, I've seen it.

[GrkScorp]

I know he has a good side, I've seen it.

Give that some thought..

You KNOW he has a good side, YOU'VE SEEN it..

It's funny when one of my girl-friends asks me to come out and meet this new guy.. and we're just talking.. and the guy is totally relaxed and comfortable, because now he feels that he's there with some other guy who's just a friend, so it's not like he's being judged or analyzed.. Which is good.. because his true colors show.. both good, and bad..

So I can see my friend, she's in an other world.. in trance.. in love.. this guy is so amazing.. this guy is awsome.. he's the one.. he's my one true love.. my soulmate.. we're perfect for eachother.. PAUSE

My friend knows she gets in this state of mind, and that's why she calls me along, because she knows, when she's in this state of mind, she can't think strait.. she needs someone to put the breaks on her if her emotions get the best of her and I see something about this guy that she can't pick up on when she's in that state of mind..

So, let's continue.. as is usually the case, the guys aren't doing anything too special with their life.. but i'm not her father, i'm just her friend, that's not my judgement call to make.. but they are telling stories to try and brag about themselves, trying to talk about their car, how "loaded" their friends are, etc.. blah blah.. They usually lack substance, but that's again, HER call to make..

All of that is fine, up until the point where I notice how this guy is acting towards me as a guy in the bathroom, or when my friend leaves.. or if he tried to isolate her and get me to leave.. or if he offers one too many drinks.. and as he's talking.. i'm listening in on his stories and trying to determine what kind of person would do those things he's talking about.. or what it means for someone to remember events in such a way..

I'm rarely wrong.. when a red-flag goes off for @sshole/creep/desperate/needy/pushy alert.. I eye-code her, and that's the end of that.. "a friend just called us, we have to go.. i'll call you tomorrow, muah, bye".. and that's the end of that.. she'll never see that guy again..

Why? Because she knows what happened when she was alone.. and in that type of state.. this guy was her world.. where she wasn't thinking.. she was just feeling.. and those emotions and feelings gave her the illusion of "fact, reality, rational/logical thought"

So, I don't need you to TELL me anything about him.. or yourself.. The texts and sequence of events tell me enough about character and motives..

Now, if you WANT to see that, and un-convince yourself of what you've convinced yourself to be true about this guy.. that's an entirely different issue..

But i've said what I had to say.. and i'm not taking one bit back..

Sit down somewhere.. alone, or with some really good friends and family who are neutral and not involved with him at all.. and let your mind and emotions just cool off a little.. until you start to feel that you're thinking strait and clearly.. And while you're thinking rationally, without emotions.. almost like in a 3rd person's point of view.. totally detached from the situation.. try and notice everything that's going on.. and start to see how many things are different from what you thought them to be.. As you notice all these things.. ask yourself, what you really want for yourself (forget about him).. what do you want for yourself? And when the answer to that is clear.. start to think about what you have to do to get it..

[kalupe]

That's cute,

But here's the deal.. you are the kind of girl, that if it takes you more than an hour to get ready for a date, and the guy is waiting like a good polite little boy outside for you.. you lose interest.. "what a wimp".. but find a guy who gets upset because "you're taking forever, you insensitive retarded little b*tch".. and have that man walk outside and tell you he's leaving without you if you don't come out in 2 minutes.. and you'll be ready at the drop of a hat, chase him out the door, and be in love.. Now, you can try and deny it.. that's normal.. that's everyone's first reaction.. looking at a video of yourself.. or a voice recording and thinking.. "haha, there's no way that's me!".. guess what.. it is.. and i'm sure there're instances you can remember where this is exactly you.. "I don't want to lose him".. HIM? Why? Who is he? Besides some guy who just sh*t-calls you and walks away? What about HIM do you like besides the fact that he walks away and gives you that feeling of you losing him? Give that some thought..

As you think about that.. a couple of words about guys like him..

There is a gradient of man:

- Cocky
- Good
- Nice

Now.. most guys are some combination of "cocky" and "nice".. some are too much of one, and too little of the other.. And in between all of that, there's some perfect combination of the two that every woman wants.. You, prefer more cocky over nice.. nice for you is a turn-off.. when you hear and see nice.. you think "girly, wimp, loser".. when you hear and see cocky.. you think "hot, sexy, manly".. and hence, you get what you wish for..

Mike-type: This guy is like my former best-friend Mike.. Very high up in the cocky side.. Where the nicest thing he's done for a girl is not call her a "b*tch, slut, wh0re" all in the same day.. His appeal, was the level to which he was emotionally abusive.. There was a girl who absolutely loved it.. it emotionally stimulated her to no end.. she loved the trill of trying to get on his good side.. or trying to get him to change and do things.. of chasing after him so he wouldn't leave her.. of trying to make him feel bad for cheating on her.. For this girl, Mike was her world.. True story, just different people..

The thing about Mike was, there was no changing him.. he could care less about anyone else.. the only person in his world that mattered was him.. Mike was a rock.. he wasn't some soft ball of clay.. there was no molding him into anything.. there was no compromise, just his way.. period..

So, if all you want, is for things to work out between the two of you.. put what YOU want, on the side, and start to slowly burn it away from your mind.. and just change the way you dress and do your hair.. end of story..

If however, you perhaps get this crazy and wild idea to give yourself some dignity and self-respect.. maybe, i'm just saying.. if you happen to get such an urge.. then tell him to "fcuk off and get lost" and start looking for guys who actually CARE about your needs, wants, feelings, and emotions.. and aren't trying to get their way via manipulating and abusing your emotions constantly..

wow, that just hit me. my boyfriend is the emotionally manipulative type, and i hate how well he just knows me. like how im wired and what my reactions would be like. i can totally relate to your herz, although im prolly dumber than you because we are still together despite that. -.- we've been on and off for a year now but.. yeah. i dont know. there'll prolly come a time that i'll just get tired of it and have the guts to actually tell him to fcuking leave me alone. but oh well, it doesnt happen all the time but he has his tendencies. im still hoping it wont end that way though.

anyway, this thread shouldnt be about me, lol.-.- is it the first time that you two broke up the whole time you were together? like is it the first time he's threatened you about killing himself or something? because if it's not...then you know what to do. it'll only fall into a vicious cycle of break ups and getting back together. it's been that way in my case. sucks. i dont think i have the right to give you an advice here, as we have the same case, with the whole emotionally manipulative/abusive thing.

[bluesummer]

Wow, your situation reads exactly like what I went through with my now ex-husband.

He started hanging out with a new group of friends, was never home, never did anything with me. Started dressing nicer, getting concerned about his appearance. Turns out he liked one of the girls in the group and ended up sort of 'dating' her while we were together. So your story set off some crazy alarm bells for me.

My ex was an emotional roller coaster too......loving me and hating me and threatening to kill himself if I left him. It was hard, but in the end leaving him was the best thing for both of us.

Ignore those feelings that tell you to get back together with him. He is insecure, disrespectful, and like a few others have said, emotionally manipulative. I can't believe you didn't leave him after he told you he didn't find you attractive anymore, or didn't love you anymore. What a jackass. Don't do this to yourself. You need to have more self worth. Cut it off, cold turkey, don't talk to him or get into emotional headgames with him. It might hurt, but this kind of hurt is better than what you'll have to withstand if you stay with this guy. You haven't been together long enough to invest yourself that much emotionally.

[Illusional]

whenever i feel like this it is because of two reasons.

i am getting bored with the relationship and i'm looking for a new interest.

i've already found a prettier female who i want to spend my time with.

raverboy