Can someone decode this guy for me?

[lemonade69]

Can someone tell me what the deal with this guy is here?

I'm in a group with a guy I'm interested in. He was interested in me first, then I got the feeling that he liked me and I started to take more notice of him and started to like him. Now I am very shy and at first I did not give any obvious signs that I liked him. He would try to get my attention, like crack jokes, and stare at me here and there and try to catch my eye contact. Lately, I've gotten braver and reciprocated by starting conversations first and staring into his eyes when I talk. He did that triangular stare thing like look from one eye to another and then to my mouth, but then after that, he would avoid looking at me.

Now I don't seem to receive any special attention anymore, but today he did crack a joke about how this doctor "asked me out" it was just a joke, but I don't know if it means anything.

Do you think his interest has waned/lost interest now he knows I'm into him?

[lastwish]

It sounds like he is trying to make himself seem "hot in the market". Its insecurity...and no, there is no indication of lost interest from what you are telling me. It seems though he is bragging..perhaps to see how you will react.

[lemonade69]

Hmm..how is he bragging?

[Kiechi]

He's playing hard to get. He prob' thinks you're playing games with your shyness and is doing the same. Believe me, he hasn't lost any interest in you, just try expressing yours more, everything will then fall into place.

[lemonade69]

ohh ok i get it now.

noo, you misunderstood, he was joking about how some doctor asked ME out. we were in a lesson and then the doctor was trying to set an example, so he was like (to me) 'say for e.g. if i asked you out to dinner tonight'

and then afterwards we were having lunch together and i made a comment about how i don't think the doctor will remember who we are if we see each other again. and then he quickly said 'ohh he'll remember you, he asked you out to dinner'

[Kiechi]

nothing to do with that. BELIEVE ME express your interest. He's just waitin' for you too. Because I know I'm still waitin'.

[lemonade69]

Ok, but how explicit should I be?

And shouldn't I wait til i get SOME good vibes back before I express myself, cos right now, I'm getting neutral ones.

So you're in the same situation as me huh

[GrkScorp]

Ok, but how explicit should I be?

And shouldn't I wait til i get SOME good vibes back before I express myself, cos right now, I'm getting neutral ones.

So you're in the same situation as me huh

I'll tell you a story..

There was a Russian girl, actually, she was from Latvia I think.. but it doesn't matter.. there was a girl in freshman year that took an English class with me.. She opened up the conversation between us with a "what topic are you going to write about?".. Bold move? Not really.. But I know for a girl, it takes a lot of courage to open up a conversation, and in her case, a lot of courage.. I knew were it was going the moment she tilted her head and her lips started to open.. but again, I don't care, I played along..

I wasn't really that interested in her, until somewhere in our conversation we started talking about high school, how it was, what we did, and the issue of chess came up.. Next class, she came back, we talked, and after class she asked me if I wanted to go to this place in the city that has a collection of Pepperidge Farm cookies.. I figured, what the hell.. weekend, no tests comming up, she's not overtly and explicitly sexual or pushy, why not.. We go there on the weekend, and low-and-behold.. a chessboard made from one huge cookie, and the chessmen were little cookies.. And you could pay $5 each to play a came of chess with those cookies, and if your chessmen would be hit, you would have to eat that cookie.. It was fun, childish, but very thoughtful.. and it really got to me.. But it never would've happened if she didn't take that step..

The funny thing about "interest".. yes, it's relative.. but girls will shut the gates down if there's not enough relative to how much the guy is feeling.. Not at all the case with guys.. (Though in your case it would seem he's interested), let's just say hypothetically, a guy who's not disinterested but not completely interested yet.. You ask him to go for coffee after class.. guess what.. the two of you are going to end up going for coffee after class.. it's not magic.. it's the honor system..

So, how would you convey that you're interested in him? Well, let's assume that he doesn't already know.. Because if you wanted to or not, you've already done/said things that already convey it, it's just a matter of how perceptive he is to those things.. But let's assume he's not that perceptive.. like the vast majority of men..

- Do not say "I like you".. that may be obvious already, but it's simply too much of an ego investment for now, you don't know eachother well enough yet! Wait until you can really say that and mean it, don't just say it because you think you like him..

- Do not say the word "friends" as a means of referring to him.. He's not a friend, and he's not part of your friends.. he is "His Name"..

- Plan something, it doesn't have to be too thoughtful, it just has to be some excuse to go somewhere.. It can be something small like going out for coffee and talking about class after class is over for the day.. or going to see some museum, art gallery, or movie on Friday and bring him along for company if he wants to come.. In either case, it's something so small, and it's just friendly.. seriously.. it's not like you're looking to kiss him, hook up with him, or rape him during that get-together.. and it's not like he would say "no".. he really wouldn't.. trust me.. so why aren't you doing this yet? Give that some serious thought.. and as you notice how hard it is to come up with a valid reason to that question.. think about what exactly that means.. and the rationality behind the things you're both doing, and failing to do.. It's almost like not stepping into a house because of fear of ghosts..

So, just plan something small, and ask him to come along..

- "Hey, why don't we go for coffee after class"

As you can tell, the "why don't we..." is a favorite of mine.. notice how it's not really a question, in the sense that it doesn't allow for a yes/no answer.. The person you're asking it to is instead left to think of reasons/excuses to object to it strongly, which is very socially awkward and not polite.. also, to seal the deal.. use presupposition.. "before we go, I just need to ask the professor something/drink some water/go to the bathroom.. etc".. It seals the deal, because as he politely waits.. he's just implicitly accepted the terms "before WE GO".. to? where? For coffee.. duh! That's all implied..

Best,

GrkScorp

[Gigabitch]

^^^ Best Scorp post of the day. Do this.

[Tedel]

+1 I agree

[kalupe]

*does it too* haha Scorp, based from all your posts i've seen so far... i think i already can compile them all into a self-help book! haha good post btw, you're a treasure in this forum

[lemonade69]

But I know for a girl, it takes a lot of courage to open up a conversation, and in her case, a lot of courage..


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The funny thing about "interest".. yes, it's relative.. but girls will shut the gates down if there's not enough relative to how much the guy is feeling.. Not at all the case with guys..

That's it! It took TONS of courage to open up a conversation, and I think he knows I'm shy, and after I've done so, he still wants to play games? And if what you're saying about guy's interest not being relative to a girl's then I'd have to assume that he's not all that interested.

I'm not chickening out here. I have no qualms about asking guys out, I think it's perfectly ok, heck I've done it before. But I have qualms about asking out guys who aren't really interested.

I appreciate all the advice though (esp you, GrkScorp, I love your stories..ohh btw, tell us what happened between you and that girl in the end)

Thnx guys!

[GrkScorp]

Thanks,

It's either LF, where genuinely good-hearted people come, with issues in life involving deep emotions, love, personal growth and such.. or some PUA forum where some punk-@ss teens just want to know how to get laid with 8+ girls..

So, it was an easy choice really..

[GrkScorp]

And if what you're saying about guy's interest not being relative to a girl's then I'd have to assume that he's not all that interested.

Not quite what I was saying.. A little tiny bit of a misunderstanding there..

See, i've known from the get-go when a girl was hitting on me or was interested.. Now, if I was NOT INTERESTED.. I made it known.. either by not talking to her (totally cutting her off, no contact).. or by telling her explicitly (I don't see us together that way).. Now, if I was NOT, NOT INTERESTED, but not quite interested yet either.. I still talked to the girl.. despite her advances and clear indications of interest in me.. It didn't bring any gates down.. now clearly.. when I was interested, i'm NOT a good example of what the typical reaction would be.. lol.. but she would never see it comming, always having her feel constant uncertainty and hope.. until i'd say.. "look, I just wanted to let you know, that I like you too"

So, if a guy is actively talking to you.. telling you jokes.. and hasn't called you a friend more than three times.. he's NOT "not interested".. which means he's interested to some degree or an other..

Which ALSO means.. if you ask him to just go out and have lunch, or meet up after class, etc.. he won't refuse.. he really won't.. trust me..

If you want to run a quick diagnostic test to gauge his interest in you.. make him jump a small hoop for you..

- Hey, my internet isn't working.. can I ask you for a small favor? I had to look up some stuff on ____.. so, I don't want to bother you from what you're doing, but whenever you have some time.. can you just try and maybe find whatever you can about ____?

- You know what I had the other day? M&Ms! I love M&Ms.. and i've had such a craving for them lately, I don't know why.. but it's one of those things that when you want it badly, you can't seem to find it.. but when you're not in the mood for them anymore, they're all over the place.. Ugh, no more talking about M&Ms.. lol.. I'm craving them again..

Now, see how much information he was willing to dig up.. or see if he at least shows some interest in telling you where to find M&Ms.. even better if he gets you M&Ms, (don't get upset if he doesn't.. I personally give my guy friends the death stare if they dare to go as far as to supplicate for a girl, but he might.. if he does, there's no question about it.. he likes you like a fat boy likes cake)

You can get very creative with small hoops.. but one is enough.. seriously.. You don't need 2+ hoops, or like 198273569128 hoops to be certain that he has some interest in you.. even really simple hoops work..

- Can you hold this for me for one second? Thanks

- Can you wait here for me for one minute? I'll be right back.. Thanks

Plus, a good tactic I tell guys to do all the time is to build a yes-bridge with the use of hoops..

- Can you hold my bag for a second? Thanks.. this shirt gets so itchy sometimes.. You know what.. can you wait here for a minute, I just have to go to the bathroom really quick.. i'll be right back.. (go to bathroom/come back).. OK! Hey, you know.., i'm really craving some coffee right now.. why don't we go get some coffee before (we go back home/go to our next class)

It's called a yes-bridge, because it builds up compliance.. as he complies (implicitly says "yes" to your requests).. you increase his compliance threashold.. the last and final request is now all of a sudden much less of a compliance jump than what he's recently made, it's much less of a big deal.. and much more natural.. and easy for him to say "yes" to..

At least give it a shot.. believe me.. guys go under the honor system.. unless the guy has really low self-esteem.. there's almost no guy on the planet that would reject a girl as harshly as some girls would reject guys.. plus.. THERE'S NOTHING TO REJECT!

Remember, you're not throwing ego onto the table here.. you're not saying "I like you".. all you're doing.. is asking to get some coffee! If (big "if") he doesn't want to go.. it doesn't mean he's rejecting you.. hey.. maybe he's British.. maybe coffee isn't exactly his cup of tea.. On the face of things.. he's just saying no to the coffee.. (which he won't btw.. believe me)..

Give it a try at least.. if for nothing else.. because you have nothing to lose.. and just for the experience of stepping outside your comfort zone a little bit.. but in either case..

Best of luck, go get 'em tiger..

GrkScorp

[lemonade69]

Thnx again GrkScorp