BF doesnt find me attractive anymore.

[Herz]

We've been dating for 9 months. On our 9 month anniversary, he was helping me dye my hair. He told me, he didnt find me as attractive as he use to. (I kind of figured something was wrong because he kept criticizing how I dressed, and obsessing about my hair) He also told me his tastes have changed, and the same things he use to like about me he doesnt anymore. Pretty much his tastes are changing. I asked him how long he's felt this way and he said for about 2 weeks. It happened really fast if it was 2 weeks ago. He just made some new friends last week, and has hung out with them everynight since (homework parties). 2 weeks ago he bought headphones so he wouldnt be distracted while he was doing his homework. So I pretty much know he was just trying to escape from me. We havent been doing anything together. And lately I've been depressed because he'd come home and tell me about how excited he is about doing things with his friends. And he's never excited to be with me. Anyways, I asked him if he wanted to break up and he said not really because he still cares about me alot, but he doesnt love me anymore. I still love him though, and we havent broken up.

So here's what I was thinking what was going on. He's been acting really REALLY self conscious about his looks. He keeps saying he's fat, "I'm so fat" "I cant believe how fat I am". He's got really into fashion lately, He's changing how he dresses. I havent met all of his new friends (I dont want to ask to meet them either) but I know his best friend, and his bestfriend's roommate.. and they are dorks, nothing "scene" about them. I was thinking their was another girl, But I dont think he's that kind of guy. He told me it isnt. And plus he's told me he's liked me for years before we dated. and that all the girls he use to date he would model them after me. But right now I feel like I dont know him at all, and I never did. Ok well here's something else that was a big change for him. He moved out of state to go to school, so maybe he's still trying to get adjusted. And feels like he needs to change himself in order to get accepted. I dont know.

Im thinking it's just a phase. I didnt want to break up with him, but I also dont want to get dragged around by a guy who doesnt respect me. Im willing to help him figure himself out, I've been debating on meeting his friends.. I know that might be able to help but at the same time I dont want to put presure on him by not giving him space right now.

What should I do? Has anyone been through this? I need help right away because I cant focus on anything else and it feels horrible to be with someone who you shared a close connection with and he doesnt find you an attractive person anymore.

[lastwish]

He showing all the signs of cheating. But I wouldn't be sure, just yet. Maybe he meet new friends and they had something to do with changing his tastes? I think you should look into it. What are these "homework parties"?

[Gigabitch]

Oh, this sounds bad. Why, exactly, do you not want to break up with him?

Think of all of these things that are happening as road signs. Are you reading the signs? Why are you still driving down that road?

You should understand that "I don't find you as attractive as I used to" is a great big red flag for a couple that hasn't even been together a year.

I say break up with him. You can always take him back if he has a change of heart, but the way you're just going along with him in his new direction won't gain you any of his respect.

[IndiReloaded]

Or if not cheating, he met someone who is making him think about it.

He's got nerve criticising your looks if he's fat, lol.

Make yourself up so that YOU are happy with how you look. If he likes it great, if not, dump him.

the way you're just going along with him in his new direction won't gain you any of his respect.

I agree^.

[Herz]

He showing all the signs of cheating. But I wouldn't be sure, just yet. Maybe he meet new friends and they had something to do with changing his tastes? I think you should look into it. What are these "homework parties"?

Yeah, it is all the signs. But I'm almost positive he wouldnt cheat on me. The worst is he found another girl but hasnt done anything with her, or girls are having an affect on him. He told me his one girlfriend said not to cut his hair too short but dont grow it out too long.. and then he laughed about it. SO do you think I should meet them? Maybe I should go to one of these homework parties

Oh I just remembered something, he's been feeling like I havent been living up to my potential. He said I procrastinate and dont take things seriously. And he also mentioned that his friends are really focused and concentrating on what they want to do with their life. And it's a good environment for him.... I'm not sure what he's trying to say here. But he got happy that I played the guitar all day yesterday.

[Gigabitch]

Wow. He's really got his hand up your puppet ass, doesn't he?

Yeah, a bit crude, but you need to hear this: The way he's criticizing you is in NO WAY supportive of you reaching your potential. He seems to be investing a lot of energy into identifying you as being not good enough for him.

The fact that he has this whole new group of friends that you haven't even been invited to meet should be a concern for you. You shouldn't have to ask to meet them if you're in his life the way the term "girlfriend" would indicate.

[Herz]

Oh, this sounds bad. Why, exactly, do you not want to break up with him?

Think of all of these things that are happening as road signs. Are you reading the signs? Why are you still driving down that road?

You should understand that "I don't find you as attractive as I used to" is a great big red flag for a couple that hasn't even been together a year.

I say break up with him. You can always take him back if he has a change of heart, but the way you're just going along with him in his new direction won't gain you any of his respect.

Yeah, I was thinking of breaking up with him. I wanted to show him he might lose me for good if I begin seeing other people.

I think I just realized something else. When I told him maybe we should see other people, he asked me why cant i make friends when I can get another boyfriend. He's probably going to break up with me, but doesnt want me to be alone. Which Im not, I dont need him, I had him for support someone I could always go and talk to. But I havent relied on him for everything. But he keeps mentioning my lack of friends, I have 1 friend here (whom he doesnt like) , and 1 that lives 45 mins away. But Im not one of those people that calls everyone my friend. It's true though I havent talked to people lately though.

[IndiReloaded]

Yeah, a bit crude, but you need to hear this: The way he's criticizing you is in NO WAY supportive of you reaching your potential. He seems to be investing a lot of energy into identifying you as being not good enough for him.

Oh God. Yes, I agree with Giga. What you describe sounds like the beginnings of emotional abuse. Before you go run & tell him that, you should know that telling him won't change his behaviour, just so you know up front. Go ahead & try, tho. Watch how he either a) pretends you are making a big deal of nothing, or b) tries to blame it on you somehow.

He's an ass. Dump him. What the hell, you think you can't do better? You're wrong.

You are in danger of becoming this guys doormat. Get rid of him & gain a backbone in the process. Good luck, hun.

[IndiReloaded]

He's probably going to break up with me, but doesnt want me to be alone. Which Im not, I dont need him, I had him for support someone I could always go and talk to. But I havent relied on him for everything. But he keeps mentioning my lack of friends, I have 1 friend here (whom he doesnt like) , and 1 that lives 45 mins away. But Im not one of those people that calls everyone my friend. It's true though I havent talked to people lately though.

Break up with him first. You sound in danger of being devastated if you let him make this decision for you.

Sorry sweet, it just sounds like you two are going in different directions. Happens. Just don't let him affect your self-esteem anymore than he already has. You sound like a good, sincere gal. Spend time w/some friends & all will be well.

[Herz]

Actually I probably will break up with him, I dont have a problem taking him back either. He needs to know he cant play around with me. he has to make up his mind, it's annoying. It's just going to be really hard.. because we live together and we have to sleep in the same bed... oh well breaking up sucks, better to do it now rather then let him do it later. (in this case anyways)

[Gigabitch]

Yes- the fact that you said NO to this treatment will be something you remember proudly for the rest of your life. I mean it- this is important. You need to send a message to yourself that you deserve better, and he really needs to learn how to treat a girl.

[IndiReloaded]

I dont have a problem taking him back either. He needs to know he cant play around with me.

Watch out for this. This is emotional ping-pong and it will actually cause you guys more problems, not less.

You shouldn't use breaking up like some kind of threat. Either work to FIX your problems, or break up. Decide what you are doing and then mean it.

[Herz]

Watch out for this. This is emotional ping-pong and it will actually cause you guys more problems, not less.

You shouldn't use breaking up like some kind of threat. Either work to FIX your problems, or break up. Decide what you are doing and then mean it.

Thats true. I've been trying to fix our relationship while he's unsure and not taking my attempts to heart. I'd only get back together with him, if he makes an attempt to help fix our problems. But I have learned from my past relationship to not jump at the first chance to get back together... It sucks that I might end up losing him. I've had alot of patience dealing with his mood swings, and I dont think he'll be able to find another girl thats willing to deal with that. I feel really good about breaking it off, I just hope i remain strong once he's back.. I get sad when he's around because I know I sill love him and i start remembering all our history ERG!

[Gigabitch]

Oh, Herz, it doesn't really suck to lose him, it just feels bad. It's actually a good thing to kick a guy like that to the curb.

Your real, nice, kind, supportive, appreciative boyfriend is out there somewhere, right now, waiting to meet you. This chode is just getting in the way.

[IndiReloaded]

Herz, you sound sweet & you're wasting it on this goof who doesn't appreciate you.

Flip your thinking & toughen up a bit. You've given HIM chances to make good & he's just not on it. His loss.