I'm not ready to get married..

[Flamel]

My gf and myself have been together for about 2 years plus now. Everything is fine except that she keeps pushing me to get married.

dont get me wrong, i'm in this relationship for the objective of marriage also. However, i'm not ready! But she just dont understand.

Shes 25, i'm 27. Shes a teacher, I'm in the sales profession. I have just started to shift my focus in my career and definitely not in a good financial state to get married. It would take at least a 2 years more before i can say i'm comfortable financially.

Where i stay, its takes a long time to look for a house and wait for it to be build, about 2 to 3 years. My gf now wants me to apply for a house now and it'll just be in time in 2 to 3 years.

But i'm not ready! So I really dont have the mood to discuss the location of our house, to discuss with my parents, to plan for the marriage etc etc, and she thinks i'm not interested. I want to be secure in my earnings and finances before i commit. Is that wrong?

Girls, what does she really want? I already told her i'm not ready but she keeps pushing me. We're quarreling every other week over this, and its making me dread getting married. I feel like i'll be forced into marriage and i dont want that, i want to enjoy the process and to look forward to it...what can i tell her? to make her back off for a year or 2?

[vashti]

All you can do is tell her specifically what you are waiting for, and then tell her if she can't wait for that to occur, she should move on to someone else. But don't
to lie to her. If the issue is that you really don't see yourself marrying HER, then tell her.

[Flamel]

That was really fast, thanks!
I've told her what i'm waiting for.
ok this is wat i say "I'm not financially stable now, and i dont feel comfortable taking the plunge now. I want to make sure i reach a certain level in my finances before i sit down and think about this."
And she'll say "We dont need any money NOW to apply for the house! We only need it 2 years later when it is finished! So what are you worried about??"
She IS the one i want to marry, so that is not a problem...

[vashti]

I don't understand about the house. Usually if you are having a house built, you need money as a down payment. Who works for free? Also, if you are in the U.S., the housing market is tanking. I bet in a couple of years, you could get a better price anyway. please clarify what she is asking...

[Flamel]

where i live, the govt build houses for the pple. U place an order with the govt, and the govt builds the estate if theres enough orders from the population. AFTER the estate is build, when you collect the keys, THEN you start paying for the house...takes about 2 to 3 years for an estate to be finished..

[vashti]

What happens if you can't afford the house in two years?

[misombra]

sounds like if it wasn't you, she'd push any guy to marry her right now.

if you're not ready, then doing it would be the biggest mistake of your life.

[miSSleepy]

ask her why she feels the urge to get married right now

[Only-virgins]

If you really mean what you said that tell her what you need and tell her she either deals with it or leaves...if though you are going for a free ride and don't ever want to get married or married to her...than just ride it till the horse figures it out on its own.

[squirrley]

If youre not ready youre not ready. She's pushing you because she's insecure, simple. So you need another approach with her. Have you dabbled in the idea of just getting engaged?

Some women have the tendency to "push" the marriage issue because they feel if youre not ready NOW when will you be ready. What some women dont get is that men have different ideas of when a marriage is suitable. Men and women have different ideas of when its a good idea to get married. Men are critical thinkers where women are emotional based thinkers. Opposite views for sure. So we never seem to be on the same page. Some women take that personally when its really not the issue. They dont get it. If you tell her she is the one, but the timing is not ready for you, she either has to understand and be patient or move on. BUT dont under any circumstances cave into her insecurities just to satisify that need of hers. Marriage is a partnership and equality. You have to have those things together. Maybe bring up the idea of engagement?

[Junket]

If youre not ready youre not ready. She's pushing you because she's insecure, simple. So you need another approach with her. Have you dabbled in the idea of just getting engaged?

Some women have the tendency to "push" the marriage issue because they feel if youre not ready NOW when will you be ready. What some women dont get is that men have different ideas of when a marriage is suitable. Men and women have different ideas of when its a good idea to get married. Men are critical thinkers where women are emotional based thinkers. Opposite views for sure. So we never seem to be on the same page. Some women take that personally when its really not the issue. They dont get it. If you tell her she is the one, but the timing is not ready for you, she either has to understand and be patient or move on. BUT dont under any circumstances cave into her insecurities just to satisify that need of hers. Marriage is a partnership and equality. You have to have those things together. Maybe bring up the idea of engagement?

This is golden.

Print that out and give it to your girlfriend.

You should by no circumstances force yourself to do something you're not ready.

Think of yourself as a marriage virgin.

[Illusional]

to keep it simple, just put your foot down. are you a man or are you a man??

raverboy

[Mathias]

If you're even considering being guilted into MARRIAGE, you need to stand back and reevaluate yourself.

[Michael6084]

Would you even want to marry a woman who is this pushy and doesn't understand your views?

I say you go with what you believe. If you fall for this and cave in with her pushing, this only will occur more in the marriage with other things because she know she can push you like that. Before you know it, you won't be able to take it anymore and then talks of separation might come in.

You two may love each other, but she needs to understand your views, plain and simple.

[Tedel]

Some girls also push because they want to escape from home (quite common in Latin America, for example). Just be careful. Don't get used.