For the record, I believe everyone in this world deserves companionship, in one way or another. I never had a relationship yet, the furthest I got was really knowing a girl well for 2 weeks, then I asked her out when i found out she was "interested" in me.. and she rejected me.
I think I have a serious problem on getting girls interested in me, everything I do never seems to work.
As for my story...
Hmm.... where to begin. Well I guess I better tell you a little about my teenage years before I tell you my current "situation" on life... I was an overweight slob for my entire teenage life, until now. From 5th grade to graduation, my entire sociality was poised simply by the way I looked.
I had a few aquaintances growing up, nothing out of the ordinary. All guy friends of course, and now that I look back, the only reason we were part-time friends, was because we all hated school, and bitched about homework and teachers every day, which in turn brought all of us together to form a friendship. I guess something good came out of school after all.
So, I was overweight for 8 long years of my life, and unfortunately for me, it was the most crucial time of my life as far as social development is concerned, my teen years.
I hated myself. I still hate things about myself. But instead of cry to myself, or other people, or bitch/complain and act like all hope was lost, I did something about it. We can change people, physically and emotionally, we just have to want to change, it's mind over matter, and our attitudes. This is a big problem in todays world that I will talk about later.
So i'm 18 now, and after all those talks with your friends as we grew up in our teen years of "getting a hot chick" and "getting laid", well... it's all happened to mostly everyone that I know now. As for me... well i'm the exact opposite, a paradox if you will, of everyone and everything around me that I know. I have yet to even experience the simple bliss and simplicity of holding a partners hand, or a first kiss, or anything "first" for that matter in terms of a relationship.
I can accept this however, because as mentioned earlier, I was fat for my teenage life. I hated it, I hated myself, and the past 3 years have been torture, but after the war with myself, I have finally won. I lost about 45 lbs of fat. I did this by going to the gym every single day, because there is no easy way out of losing weight. We need to stop being lazy if we want to lose weight.
I was fat for my teenage life, and therefore didn't get any intimate relationship. I was fat for my teenage life, and therefore didn't deserve a relationship is better.
I stick to my principles and my standards, and unfortunately I am beginning to think that living by my principles, which basically means being yourself, and not being fake, means that I will be a lonely human being, probably for the rest of my life. Are some people just destined to be a virgin-a lonely person, for the rest of their lives, no matter how hard they try?
It's selfish to ask for a hot girl to have sex with and lose my virginity, it's very selfish. Im not saying one night stands are selfish, since it's mutual, but just the general thinking of "wow this girl is so damn hot.. i would do ANYTHING to have one night with her..".
However, we must all remember that every single guy thinks like this, it's that one half of our brain that we can't control sometimes.
So... 18 long years of my life has passed, and I have been lonely up until this very day. I have made a small group of very good, true friends that I will have forever, and I cherish them a lot.
I told a girl recently about my feelings for her, this was the first time I have ever done this to a girl. I had strong feelings for her, and wanted to be more than a friend to her. I found out that she had feelings for me to... but(Ah yes... that one conjunction word that plagues my very existance... "They like you... BUT") she just wanted to remain friends.
That's the best I could do folks. I dont look bad, in fact, most people say I look pretty good, im funny, love making people laugh, and am very good at it too. I have principles and standards, i'm not a fake guy. I like strawberry ice-cream. And the best I could do was... "BUT.... let's just be friends". Yay. Another friend to add to my arsenal.
So I ask myself the same question a lot lately.. "Am I really that bad? Will things get better?" I leave for Chico University in exactly 8 months... and I am starting to think that I will leave Hawaii with no experience at all in terms of girls and relationships, which will **** me over in college. Girls like older guys and guys with experience after all, right?
Am I doing something wrong? Did I divide by zero? Will things get better? I'm not shy, I'm not fake. Im starting to believe that this world is so ****ed up now days that fake is beginning to be the reality, and i'm starting to be fake. I cant be the only one who thinks like this.
I cant find anyone who is in the "same boat" as me, that is, a very lonely person like me who has absolutely no experience in relationships or the opposite sex, no one that I know is in the same boat as I am, male or female. And yet for some reason, they always come to me for relationship "advice". I dont want to be a cuddle bitch.
So... onto the question:
If you were me, described by everything that I just wrote here, what would you do? How would you start? What advice can you give me? Id like real advice please, dont try to "say it in a nice way", be real, not fake.
~~Appendix~~
-Im an 18 year old straight male
-Im lonely
Let the responses begin.