Playing it Cool this time

[CAM]

I dated this very Catholic woman three years ago. One date. She was very flirty with me and so I had asked her out for lunch. At lunch, she was uptight and very staunch about marrying only Catholics...not being Catholic, I said "Have a good one" and moved on.

So, flash forward to this last New Years (12/2007). I get an electronic holiday card. I respond by saying, "Hey, let's get together again." She agrees. We go to lunch. Very good time. She'd done her hair and her nails and looked pretty top-drawer.

So, I ask her out for dinner. She says, "yes." So, the next day, I get this email from her, "Hey, would it be okay if I brought a girlfriend along?"

Inside, I'm a bit disappointed and a bit ready to cut and run.

So, I wait til later that day and respond--"Ah, I'm not into having friends on dates." And I thought I sort of made it clear that we should just forget about dinner.

The response was a shock--"Okay, no problem. Just you and I will go out then "

Today was busy because of what I do for a living (is that cryptic enough?!). So, I text message tonight saying, "Busy day. Let's talk tomorrow about Monday's dinner. Reservations r made!"

Am I playing this correctly? Its been awhile since I've been in a dating situation

[IndiReloaded]

Sounds reasonable, Cam. Just be who you are. I suppose there are some women who might be put out by being 'put off' but so long as you aren't making up your business (& I think you aren't), I wouldn't worry. Just have fun on Monday.

BTW, I would expect you stop texting at some point & get to phoning her. More personal & less likely to be misinterpreted (i.e. if you enjoy dinner, CALL her & tell her, don't text her). Of course, I'm a bit old-fashioned that way. I think texting/email is a poor way to communicate emotional content.

[CAM]

Be myself...good point, except I don't know who I am, well not entirely. I'm a writer locked to a computer.

True about calling rather than txting or email. I sort of adapted to her txting habit. She txts all the time. Must be a 30-something thing, huh?

Since I'm a professional writer, I write better than I speak. But, good advice--I appreciate it.

[CAM]

Oh, assuming this goes as planned...do women still like it if a guy brings her flowers?

[IndiReloaded]

Oh, assuming this goes as planned...do women still like it if a guy brings her flowers?

I wouldn't expect it on a first dinner date (a bit much). But I do believe in the European way of bringing flowers or a plant to someone's house esp. the first time I visit. Something tasteful, avoid roses.

[CAM]

okay, good advice

[Gigabitch]

CAM, don't you always play it cool?

[Junket]

Man, CAM is the definition of cool.

[misombra]

I dated this very Catholic woman three years ago. One date. She was very flirty with me and so I had asked her out for lunch. At lunch, she was uptight and very staunch about marrying only Catholics...not being Catholic, I said "Have a good one" and moved on.

So, flash forward to this last New Years (12/2007). I get an electronic holiday card. I respond by saying, "Hey, let's get together again." She agrees. We go to lunch. Very good time. She'd done her hair and her nails and looked pretty top-drawer.

So, I ask her out for dinner. She says, "yes." So, the next day, I get this email from her, "Hey, would it be okay if I brought a girlfriend along?"

Inside, I'm a bit disappointed and a bit ready to cut and run.

So, I wait til later that day and respond--"Ah, I'm not into having friends on dates." And I thought I sort of made it clear that we should just forget about dinner.

The response was a shock--"Okay, no problem. Just you and I will go out then "

Today was busy because of what I do for a living (is that cryptic enough?!). So, I text message tonight saying, "Busy day. Let's talk tomorrow about Monday's dinner. Reservations r made!"

Am I playing this correctly? Its been awhile since I've been in a dating situation

you should've said, "i can't have dinner tonight mija i have to light my santos."

[wxyz00]

Ah, I'm not into having friends on dates.

Lol. Love it.. funny but direct and gets the message home... you've got this situation totally under control -- she's waiting for that invite and i will even risk saying quite eagerly....

[CAM]

Well, the new twist is that she wants to just meet at the restaurant--she returns to work tomorrow and she says that she got caught behind on errands. So, I am always sensing potential female manipulation...since, I'm old fashioned and think that guys should pick the date up at her home. I think that I might just go on this date, this once....I "won" on not having her friend there. So, I don't fight every battle, but I think that this chick is one battle after another in terms of who gets to be on top, so to speak. Not worth it. Should have I bitten her head off over meeting at the restaurant or did I do the right thing by "understanding?"

[Gigabitch]

Oh, for God's sake, CAM, just let the date happen. You can wrangle about who holds the reins later, when you're actually involved. Right now, it's just dinner.

[IndiReloaded]

Cam, FYI, I wouldn't let a man I didn't know that well pick me up at home. There is too much control that relinquishes. Imagine if the date goes horribly. With separate vehicles, you can each say 'thanks' and go your separate ways.

Not only that, but its just plain dangerous (if you don't know someone well) to have them know where you live, and then be reliant on them for your transport.

She sounds rather sensible, Cam. Don't take it as a personal affront unless this behaviour continues after the 3rd or 4th date.

Here, just found this for you. I don't usually suggest these sites, but this guy is talking sense & the article (at a quick scan) describes you perfectly:
[url]http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/should-men-buy-flowers-or-gifts-for-women/1/[/url]

[Gigabitch]

I agree about it being unsafe to let someone know where you live right off the bat.

CAM, if you had a sister, wouldn't you advise her to do the same thing?

[CAM]

In terms of not knowing her well...we work for the same firm and for several years have known each other. Plus, addresses could be found in about 3 seconds using a search engine.

Sincere thanks for the advice Giga, but I'm going to cancel on her in about 30 minutes. After that, I won't have to worry about who is in charge because nothing more will come of it.

So I guess I'm not "playing it cool" this time...just playing it cold.

BTW, Giga...on another issue...an ancient history item...Bunnyboiler is leaving town for good! Just called me to say, "Bye"

Back to social Siberia. But the upside is that I'll still have plenty of time for LF