Why can't I get a boyfriend?

[janechild]

I think I'm a fairly attractive woman, I'm smart, funny, artistic, a little weird, but what's not to like?! All the men that I've dated in the past 2 years have not wanted to commit, I'm 23 and I've always wanted to get married young. I feel so sad when they don't call back or only call once a week. I don't understand.

[bloodtippedrose]

Sorry, its you.
Just kidding
Yeah im not a guy but I hate being single, makes me feel unwanted and unattractive though I know im the shit. Maybe youre not looking in the right places? Do you give it up too soon so guys just see you as a booty call?

[janechild]

Yeah sometimes I do, because well I get horny too. But the last two guys I made them wait almost 2 months. what's the problem?

[TheSphinx]

Odds are that your past two boyfriends haven't been of the same mindset. Outside of that, if you're mentioning a wedding shortly after meeting, I can't think of many guys I know who wouldn't be looking elsewhere for a relationship.

~Sphinx

[IndiReloaded]

I doubt its about you Jane.

Are single guys really less reluctant to commit to an LTR in this generation? Mbe they are just too busy with their educations? I'd like to hear what fellows like Mish, Rsk & LilWing have to say about this.

[DoesntMatter]

How old are the guys you've been dating

[janechild]

The last one was 28 and the one before that was 24, and I NEVER mention marriage.

[genesys4]

i have this friend(she's a gurl) who is quite good-looking. another friend of mine liked her, and they got couple for a few months. then she decided to break, and she went for another friend of mine(a guy). but alas this guy didn't return her love, and now she' stuck being single, perhaps. talking about a love drama.
but I thing I noticed is that this kinda thing happened to somewhat shy type of gurl. when guys approach them, and she didn't reply, how can we know??

[Only-virgins]

I think I'm a fairly attractive woman, I'm smart, funny, artistic, a little weird, but what's not to like?! All the men that I've dated in the past 2 years have not wanted to commit, I'm 23 and I've always wanted to get married young. I feel so sad when they don't call back or only call once a week. I don't understand.

I am 24 and the way you sound you seem really rushed for marriage. That would scare me the hell away into another State.

[GrkScorp]

But the last two guys I made them wait almost 2 months. what's the problem?

HAHAHAHA!

THAT'S the problem.. what losers!

Let me tell you something.. if a guy is willing to put up with someone who's not going to have sex with them after the 3rd/4th date.. he's a loser.. why?

Because it means he has no other sexual options.. and he'd rather let time go by with you in hopes that he gets some action, than rather take his loser-alternative (no hope of getting any action)..

I don't know what part of the country/world you're in, and don't take my word on this, because standards are a local concept.. but over here, a girl is (easy) if SHE asks for it, and actually gives it up voluntarily (at will).. that's being easy.. that's a booty-call girl.. and they're all usually unattractive.. on the other hand.. if a girl that you've had a great time with (meaning, YOU have let her have a great time).. didn't feel like having sex on the 2nd-4th day..

1. You're doing something awfully wrong on your part as a guy; and you aren't making her feel comfortable enough..

2. Waste of time, has issues, move along.. let HER wait 2 months, you don't have to..

I would say this idea/concept you have in your mind is what's killing your chances.. don't put a time-frame on "how long I have to make him wait until we can have sex".. that's nothing but an arbitrary number which is meaningless.. You have to do it when things just feel right.. and it happens naturally.. and things feeling right and happening naturally are the guy's job.. but if he's doing his part well.. and you're still following this "rule" of yours.. (he has far too many sexual options to be bothered with your meaningless-unwillingness to have sex; so he will "rightfully" leave an go to someone else).. the only guys that will stick around for 2 months with no sex are loser guys.. who simply don't have ANY other sexual options available..

Sure, it's understandable.. every woman has the same ego-conflict go off in her head.. "i'm not easy... i'm not giving it up that easily/early... I don't want him to think i'm a slut.. etc".. And fine, as a result.. there are some times when a situation feels right, and you just say "no", or you push back and go away.. This kind of token resistance is cute.. and it's fun competent flirting.. UP TO A POINT.. when you really take it too far, and don't know when to stop.. (1. you're going to get stuck with all the desperate/sexually frustrated/loser guys... 2. you're going to get all the quality guys to leave, because they won't want to bother with someone who "acts hard to get" and after a point, "a very early point" the act is up, and you just start looking like a fool when you over-do it.. and a socially keen guy will pick up on your ego issue and simply move along and stop calling) So this is a recipe for sexual frustration on your part.. and if you desire a boyfriend; romantic frustration on your part (on top of sexual frustration)..

1 of 3 things can happen:

1. You keep this up: You get stuck with a loser guy, you feel a sense of long-wanted romantic attention for the first 3-6 months.. then he starts to get boring (because afterall, he's a loser).. and within those 3-6 months.. you realize that you're stuck with someone who can't sexually satisfy you.. (if you fall in this category, you're the kind of girl that I help my guys hit on all the time; you'll gladly cheat on your bf in seach of actual romantic/sexual stimulation, but you'll always feel unfulfilled)

2. You go overboard with my advice: You still get stuck with a loser guy.. only this time, he's not a wimp; he's just a major jerk.. and you have turned to the dark side (wh0re-dom).. the dark side is clear when you show almost no sign of resistance.. guys offer to have sex and you don't even give them a token "I don't know.. I don't think this is a good idea.. I don't want to rush things yet.. I think we should maybe wait before we take things further.. etc"..

3. Just do what feels right: You no longer commit yourself to meaningless-irrational-preset limitations and restrictions, but instead you just allow things to happen naturally and do what feels right.. You don't "ask" for sex "actively".. but you don't push it away constantly either.. It could happen in day 1, or all the way until day 5 or 7.. it depends on the guy and if he makes it feel right.. if he doesn't make if feel right and natural.. then it's not really "pointlessly resisting", it's just "not being easy".. but if he makes it feel smooth, natural, right, comfortable, safe, etc.. then letting things happen isn't being "easy".. it's simply "doing what feels right".. "things just happened; it's not like I led him on, HE led the whole thing, one thing led to an other, and oops, we ended up having sex"..

But maybe this issue isn't even about the sex (even though an artificial 2-month limitation is a HUGE brick-wall in the way to attracting & hooking up with quality guys; "guys that COULD get most other women they want, but instead pick you").. Maybe you're just not presenting your positive "personality/character" features.. Maybe you're too busy and caught up on the physical aspects.. that you're neglecting to point out and highlight your personality/character/emotional aspects.. quality guys don't fall for looks (at least not looks alone).. so you need to show them and in a way advertise your positive characteristics (funny/fun/outgoing/social/open-minded/creative "I personally have a weak-spot for creative girls; but every guy has a different weak-spot"/high-energy/playful/spontaneous/adventurous/athletic/interesting/smart/hard-working/goal-oriented/focused/aggressive/passionate/positive outlook on things "optimistic"/realistic & hopeful about the future/etc..)

The only last thing I can think of is that maybe you have a nottie or male-cockblock in your group of friends that actually cockblocks you actively.. Think of any of your single friends (usually unattractive) if female, or (usually interested in you) if male.. don't bring them with you when you go out.. and when you DO go out; be approachable (don't go dancing drunk on tables and throw yourself over people).. but smile, don't cross your arms, don't look at the floor, don't be afraid to make eye-contact (more than once! it never killed anyone, I promise), and don't be afraid to start an innocent conversation (are you european by any chance? you just look it, I have a ____ who's french and you look alot like him.... did your mother dress you up or something? that shirt doesn't go with those pants :laugh, it's supposed to be funny, not an actual insult: but it still looks nice though) this isn't looking desperate, this is starting an innocent conversation.. just so you see the difference, THIS is looking desperate (hey? wanna dance?.. hey sexy, aww how come you're all alone?.. you're cute! who are you here with? are you single?) this is desperate, and unless the guy you're saying it to is also desperate, it's very unattractive.. but regular innocent conversation is NOT.. don't be afraid to start small-talk.. it will SIGNIFICANTLY increase your chances of meeting guys (as long as you wait to see that after you start the conversation, they will LEAD it, and keep it going)

Best of Luck!

[Only-virgins]

HAHAHAHA!

THAT'S the problem.. what losers!

Let me tell you something.. if a guy is willing to put up with someone who's not going to have sex with them after the 3rd/4th date.. he's a loser.. why?

Because it means he has no other sexual options.. and he'd rather let time go by with you in hopes that he gets some action, than rather take his loser-alternative (no hope of getting any action)..

Ummm....unless he really likes the girl and feels "that" chemistry. I would keep going.

[vashti]

I think you should be happy no one has married you yet. You have no idea what you are hoping for. People who marry before they are around 30 generally make very poor spouses. Why do you think the divorce rates are so high?

I also think your desperation to be married is the problem. It is a warning bell that sounds as loudly as GrkScorps odd advice, even if you never say a word.

[GrkScorp]

Ummm....unless he really likes the girl and feels "that" chemistry. I would keep going.

But; O.K. I know what you mean..

Think of it this way though.. you can have a whole range of women.. in that range, there are plenty of very attractive women, fairly attractive, cute, adorable, etc.. so sexually; you have options.. now.. think of non-sexually.. in that same range.. you have a whole bunch of women who are funny/smart/interesting/fun/high-energy/playful/creative/etc.. this ONE girl is NOT the only one.. she's in no way unique (with respect to looks or any ONE quality.. she obviously IS unique with respect to her combination of qualities)..

So, you can feel "that" with alot of people.. wouldn't it be a shame if you find someone you feel "that" with.. and things feel so right, and so natural, but she has some ego-issue and in her mind over-does it with the whole token-resistance act? wouldn't it be a shame that those powerful, strong, deep, intense feelings and emotions are let to dry up and die out until those 2 months come around (when her artificial deadline is met).. just WHY? in fact, when a girl's act is over-done.. and she doesn't get the hint, and she's still caught up in ego-land.. it's unattractive..

Naturally, when you have options.. you're not going to cope with this more than 2 weeks at most.. after that.. you'll call to be polite every once a week, or once every 2 weeks.. and then you'll eventually break contact and stop calling.. or "just be friends".. but you WILL move along..

And I could understand if the poster was maybe age 16, 18, 19 even.. but she's like my age and she's playing hold-out games still? That's just being self-destructive & counter-productive.. how is she competing with the 18,19,20 year olds who are younger, attractive, and well.. EASY?

The 2-month issue needs to be taken care of pronto.. just get the notion out of your mind.. DELETE it..

Also.. start to highlight your positive qualities.. don't just say "i'm funny, outgoing, blah blah".. don't SAY.. DO! Show it! You have to DEMONSTRATE it.. do things, tell stories, etc.. because this is a MAJOR selling point on your part.. this is something younger women don't focus on at all.. so all they are is an other pretty-face and cute tush.. focus on WHO YOU ARE! find an effective way to advertise it and fully convey it; get that message across.. personality matter! (don't be fooled by the media-driven-crap about looks, looks, looks, that the cosmetic/fashion/glamour industry want you to buy into.. personality is HUGE)

How huge? My last GF (3 years) was a (7) looks-wise.. she was an (8) when she was naked; but a (7) when dressed..

Before we started dating and before we officially became a couple.. there were 2 other girls I was "getting to know".. one of them was the same "looks-wise" and shallow, so she didn't get much attention after 2-3 days.. but the other girl, from Moldova I think, was a (9.5) when dressed (she knew how to dress really well; she she was sexy) and her body would probably be an 8.5-9 if naked.. but she lacked so many things.. (no passion about anything/zero goals for herself, everything was just in her fantasy, she had no realistic or clear goals/she was lazy and not ambitious "major turn-off"/not creative/would rarely smile "if she would smile and be a bit more warm, she would be a 10").. but my ex was a very warm personality.. she would litterally make you melt.. she was very shy up-front, but once you got to know her better, you got to love her.. and her personality won me over.. and not just for some pseudo-1/2-week-relationship.. (3 years!).. however, I learned a hard lesson; (shy girls are boring; but that's an other story).. she was stil very sweet, I still love her (non-sexually; but still a very close friend).. and all because of personality.. so CONVEY it! don't neglect it!

[GrkScorp]

I think you should be happy no one has married you yet. You have no idea what you are hoping for. People who marry before they are around 30 generally make very poor spouses. Why do you think the divorce rates are so high?

I also think your desperation to be married is the problem. It is a warning bell that sounds as loudly as GrkScorps odd advice, even if you never say a word.

Aww, I love you too Vash

But yeah.. definitely agree.. STRONGLY, 110% agree with this.. people under 30 are in high risk of divorce if they get married..

I don't plan on getting married until AFTER i'm at least 33.. (10 more years).. and that's not because it's a guy thing.. times have changed, the economy has changed, and social norms have changed.. to raise a family comfortably; 2 regular-normal people have to BOTH be working.. it's hard.. it's not easy.. and because things are not like they used to be.. BOTH people have to be mature, established, financially secure/stable, and able to deal with the task that starting a family, raising a family, and maintaining a happy/stable marriage is..

Also.. if marriage IS on your mind.. and the guys you're talking to aren't totally then you are comming off as desperate, needy, and a bit creepy.. so you're making them uncomfortable..

Think of it this way.. how uncomfortable do you feel when you have a guy come up to you and talk to you; and even though he doesn't say anything, you get a clear feeling that he wants to have sex with you.. but you're not ready just yet.. this makes you feel pretty uncomfortable right? what are you most likely to do? start avoiding him right?

From a guy's point of view.. if a woman comes and starts talking to you, and you feel she has marriage on her mind.. but you're not ready yet.. this makes you feel pretty uncomfortable.. and like women; you start to try and avoid them, and casually/slowly cut off contact..

Personally; if I got this impression from a woman from now until age 33.. i'd think she was crazy.. creepy.. and nutty.. and if she just didn't understand that (it's not that I have an issue getting married, or starting a family, etc) but i'm just not ready yet.. then I would do exactly that.. "cut off contact"..

There are alot of things that you COULD be doing wrong.. so just try to give all of them a make-over, and see what happens..

[nuevo]

HAHAHAHA!

THAT'S the problem.. what losers!

Let me tell you something.. if a guy is willing to put up with someone who's not going to have sex with them after the 3rd/4th date.. he's a loser.. why?

Because it means he has no other sexual options.. and he'd rather let time go by with you in hopes that he gets some action, than rather take his loser-alternative (no hope of getting any action)..

You are a loser if you can't wait more than 4 dates, even when I have options I usually like to wait more than four dates (not always), that's just me and the way I deal with girls, you can't say that.