Male Ego and Insecurity

[GrkScorp]

I don't think he's ever had a girlfriend insist that he act differently before. I've been quite shocked at the amount of training he's needed; the guy is 37 and has had many girlfriends. What were those slacking bitches doing, anyway? Their job was to be teaching him not to pull this crap.

Are you sure about that? What evidence do you have?

Remember, he's insecure! He could easily act & lie about having MANY other girlfriends, and about the quality of these women.

It's obviously clear to me, (I don't know how clear it is to you), that there's NO WAY he could have had "MANY OTHER GIRLFRIENDS", unless they were all of the "whatever I can get" quality-of-woman category..

[Gigabitch]

Nah, I've known him since 1994, Grk. He's actually got a lot going for himself, and could fill a stadium with the "whatever I can get" variety. He's never felt that anyone loved him like I do, though, and that's the real difference.

[DoesntMatter]

Do you know what you plan on doing about this yet Giga (any rough ideas)?

You might want to give us the limits of actions you are willing to take so people can give you better advice

[GrkScorp]

Nah, I've known him since 1994, Grk. He's actually got a lot going for himself, and could fill a stadium with the "whatever I can get" variety. He's never felt that anyone loved him like I do, though, and that's the real difference.

Lack of validation and attention alone, would only cause him to be seeking YOUR attention and validation.. there's a large degree of insecurity involved here, no question about it.. and THAT'S what's causing him to seek your validation and attention through other women, and test (subconciously) to see how you will react (more validation & attention)

As you see, it's a self-feeding cycle.. because he actually craves validation & attention, he will both continue to talk to other women in that manner, AND he will actually WANT to see that positive reaction from you where you get jealous, flip out, drama, etc, and give him attention & validation.. The more he does it, the more he'll keep doing it.. Because the cycle constantly rewards his need for attention and validation from begining to end..

I don't know what to tell you; I mean, you should sit him down and have a constructive conversation; and as much as this blows, the best thing to do is actually go to an unbiased third-party and have them understand what is wrong and tell you both what to do.. (ie. couple's therapist).. but that's what's going on.. no question about it.

Forget your "feelings" for a second, and try and understand the logic behind this behavior of his.. when you deduce all the facts, they lead down this same road..

[Gigabitch]

Do you know what you plan on doing about this yet Giga (any rough ideas)?

You might want to give us the limits of actions you are willing to take so people can give you better advice

I was thinking about smacking him in the balls.

Seriously, I was hoping that mentioning the fact that my friend noticed and called up about it would make him realize he's acting like an ass.

I was also thinking about renting movies with characters with similar traits and pointing out how pathetic and unattractive they are. Any recommendations?

If all else fails, I may have to get a male friend to tell him something. He clearly didn't quite hear it from me when I had it out with him back in October about the issue.

It seemed to really bother him that my boss called him an "amateur" when he pulled a similar move a while back. Maybe I should ask my boss what he thinks of the flirting thing, and report back to my bf about it.

Or maybe he can just read this thread.

Lack of validation and attention alone, would only cause him to be seeking YOUR attention and validation.. there's a large degree of insecurity involved here, no question about it.. and THAT'S what's causing him to seek your validation and attention through other women, and test (subconciously) to see how you will react (more validation & attention)

This is why I didn't freak out about it. I want to make him feel like he's embarrassing himself in front of my friends, not making me jealous.

[DoesntMatter]

I'm just throwing this out there as food for thought, but maybe the BIGGER ego boost he is having is not from his flirting with other women, but the fact that attention from other women is clearly making you jealous? If this is what is going on the motivation is still jealousy I suppose, but it seems like he might be enjoying your show of neediness.

I'm guessing you aren't doing a very good job of hiding your own insecurities of his flirting with other women, so surely he isn't so dense that he hasn't caught on

[Gigabitch]

I'm just throwing this out there as food for thought, but maybe the BIGGER ego boost he is having is not from his flirting with other women, but the fact that attention from other women is clearly making you jealous? If this is what is going on the motivation is still jealousy I suppose, but it seems like he might be enjoying your show of neediness.

I'm guessing you aren't doing a very good job of hiding your own insecurities of his flirting with other women, so surely he isn't so dense that he hasn't caught on

Well then what do I do about this?

[DoesntMatter]

I was thinking about smacking him in the balls.

Seriously, I was hoping that mentioning the fact that my friend noticed and called up about it would make him realize he's acting like an ass.

I was also thinking about renting movies with characters with similar traits and pointing out how pathetic and unattractive they are. Any recommendations?

I wouldn't smack his balls, he would probably like that (I would)

If you want your boyfriend to find out that your friend felt this way, letting him know through you would weaken the potential. It would be MUCH better if you let your friend drop it in during conversation sometine (YOU don't bring it up)

Guys don't like it when women are so indirect like that (the movie thing). I wouldn't go that route, I think it's too indirect / weak

[Maus]

Honestly, I love flirting. Oh boy do I love flirting...

But personally I wouldn't take it too far If i was with someone very dear to me. And honestly I've never been with someone I've cared deeply about, so that's a situation I'll have to handle when it comes to it... chances are, knowing me, I wouldn't need to flirt and perhaps loose my interest in it.

Goddamn it -.-

[misombra]

i agree with dm. you need to tell him straight up that if he keeps on doing that there will be consequences. and they all involve slapping and balls.

[Junket]

I was wonderin' how yer relationship was goin'...how long yous been at it, now?

[vashti]

Giga - he is too old to be pulling this crap. I vote in favor of smacking him in the balls after all your girlfriends first point at him and laugh at how needy he is. In fact, maybe you can just come home and yell at him about how all your friends are feeling sorry for you because of his behavior, and how you hate being the object of pity.

[Gigabitch]

I was wonderin' how yer relationship was goin'...how long yous been at it, now?

About a year and a half, now.

Hard to say how things are going. They look pretty good on the surface, but there's that churning shit underneath, you know?

[Junket]

They look pretty good on the surface, but there's that churning shit underneath, you know?

Won't take long for the surface to cave if the foundation is hollow.

[Gigabitch]

Won't take long for the surface to cave if the foundation is hollow.

Well thanks, sunshine.